Okay. For the most part, Virginia (2) is a sweet loving little girl. But, sometimes, when she gets frustrated, she will bite or hit or scratch her sister who is 6. Poor Maddie. She knows that Virginia is just being a two year old, and would never hurt her back, but it really upsets her when Virginia does this. What is the best way to break her of doing it? I never had to deal with Maddie biting others, so I'm treading new water here. A friend of mine told me to bite her back! Of course I could never do that. That just sounds evil to me. And my mother told me to put soap in her mouth! I could never do that either. They don't understand that if I don't spank my children, why on earth would I bite them?!?! Any ideas?
You bite her to prove to her that it's not pleasant to be bitten. And then you say, "Did you like that? No? That's how it feels when you bite your sister. Your sister loves you and it makes her sad when you bite her and it hurts too!"
Maybe every time she bites her sister she has to give her a toy to say sorry? I don't know just an idea...when my 13 month old hits we just put him down and act distraught and he tries to give us hugs and stuff...your two year old might see through that better than Jeremy does though lol
I wouldn't bite her. You can't teach someone NOT to do a behavior, by DOING that very behavior. For two year olds, actions speak louder than any words and all the impression biting will make is "Mama does it, it must be OK." My dd Moon (dd no 2) went through a breif period of biting (after I swore I'd never have a biter LOL) I was working day care, and the room was too small and there were too many kids in it. I learned Moon is eaily overstimulated, and if she got overstimmed and someone got in her face, CHOMP! I felt awful for the two kids she bit in at this park district, I apologised to the moms and the child, and Moon did to (for what it was worth from a 26 month old) and then I would give her a short time out, while saying "We don't bite people. It hurts them." She bit her sister a few times too. And twice her best buddy, Davey. I was an unhappy mama for a month or so there. After a short time, I could tell when her fuse was getting too short, she was in the process of weaning, she didn't like getting up in the morning to go to the park district. So I stopped working there (I am sure they didn't mind.) and started to pay attention to her getting overstimulated. I would isolate her BEFORE she bit, and let her know there were better ways to get out her frustration. Some fluids and maybe something to eat, and a break away from other children, and in a few weeks I saw no more biting. See what happens BEFORE she bites, that way you can head off the problem at the pass, and, of course, you don't have to resort to violence.
I'm going through a simillar stage with Xander,he's 2.He doesn't bite but he pinches hard.He also throws stuff when he's frustrated. I try to remain calm and firmly say no. I agree you should never ever bite/hit/pinch back! This just tells them that the behavior is acceptable.We should never physically coerce are kids into anything,it teaches them that you can make people do things against their will by using violence,especially when they're weaker and smaller.Is that really the goal you have as a parent? Try time outs when she bites.Good luck.
I am in a similar situation with Robert, also 2, I just left the daycare I was working in because about a month ago he bit. He was kicked out for two weeks. Before I went back I did some research and we developed a plan to deal with it if it happened again. But there were too many other issues- they didn't like his long hair, thought I should stop nursing, he was too wild (bored) there, and I was sick of hearing what a crummy parent I was because we don't wear diapers at home (we ec), I wouldn't cut his hair, and I responded to him when he needed me. So I am now working from home (any copyediting anyone can shoot me would be greatly appreciated) I am also writing an article for a local paper about biting. The solution I found was: I got a teething ring on a pacifier keeper. He could carry it with him. As much as I hated the idea of it and it reminded me of a pacifier it worked. Some kids need the oral stimulation and if he felt like biting we told him he could put his bites in there and that it was okay to bite it if he needed to. Also the procedure I found that was recommended for biters was in the event of a chomp- firmly tell the biter "No biting," Then pay immediate attention to the bitten child, administer hugs and ice the bite. Ignore the biter for a little while while you do this. Then try and get the bitten child to tell the other child how he or she felt about being bitten. "I don't like that, don't bite me." Have the biter apologize. Then give the biter a time out if you feel he/she needs to still get himself/herself together. I haven't had an incident since pulling him from school the first time. He now knows that if he feels like biting the ring is the only appropriate chomping place. It's crazy how many people say bite back. It just feels soooo wrong. My two cents, Had
Thanks everyone for your replies. We're still working with this. She knows that it hurts Maddie bc she apologizes and gives her a hug after, but in the heat of the moment, she just does it. But I've seen some good ideas! Thanks!
that stuff about paying attention to the bitten chld really does the trick...my little ones friend was biting her nearly every time that we saw her and her mum, so after a bit we tried this apprach and it seems to have done the trick. These two cry when they don't get to catch up occasionally, little sweeties!! It definitely seems that it can be circumvented by paying attentuion to what is going on as Maggie said...it normally tended to happen when they were having a bit of a war over something and my friend and I were over engrossed in our own conversations!! As the parent of the bitten one I have to say that I am happy with the way that we have worked this out and despite me thinking my little one would never do it she did one day and as she is a little bit older now we have a bit of a "litany of rules" and man...she knows it is wrong...along with spitting and hitting and other such things, and they can even tell you that when they are a bit older!!! good luck with it all and don't stress too much, if someone gives you too hard a time about it I figure they may not be hanging round with kids all that much!!
Hadley, your daycare thought it was their business when your son stopped nursing and how he wore his hair? You are very smart to have taken him out of there as fast as can be. They aren't his parents. How did they approach you about these things? They have nothing to do with daycare? I'd be steaming mad, if I were you. Good decision you made!
I was working there and they kept making comments. I think it just wasn't a good fit for either the center or Robert and me. I am a little overwhelmed by suddenly being an independant contractor. But, we'll be alright, as soon as I figured out that it wasn't working I started trying to set myself up to head that way. I like coming on here because it reminds me that these issues are ones that every parent deals with and that I am not overly strange for veering from the methods most people use. It isn't odd to feed kids only natural food, ec rather than use diapers forever, and breastfeed a toddler. You ladies help keep me strong. It pisses me off though when undereducated hicks pick on my parenting! GRrrrrrrrr. H
