This is my first ever post or thread in this forum I dont know if this is a common thing or if its a normal thing, because i dont talk of it often. I fake emotion when i should really feel it, i try to act normal and pretend to feel pain,joy,sadness,hurt, and all that....but i cant really feel anything. i dont know how to properly explain it When something tragic or exciting in my life happens, like for example...the death of a loved one, someone really close and youve know since forever....and you were there during their last moments, and when the left....all you felt was nothing, not a tear nor pain just something that could be called numbness or when someone you know and love is sick and dying or suffering, you feel nothing or whenever i get physically hurt, like i get cut up or beat up....it just feels really numb also, i have an inability to trust people, or when poeple get to close i walk away. I can never say no except when it comes to other people trying to help me....i speak big words of encourgement to other people but i never take my own advice and often i help others while i keep myself in the dirt. and i want to get out but i choose to stay in, only because i never let people close to me Im really confused here and this makes no sense
quote "I have an inability to trust people..." Those very words are most likely the key to the entire thread. Not really a solution more like some sort of KEY to most all of the issues. I know from experience the entire trust thing or issue in being. In my own inability to trust almost on every level or from every aspect of being. The numbness plays into the whole trust thing. if at one earlier point in life, over and over trust is broken repeating those emotions if at one time were able to avchieve on a 'natural level' and like over time the level and ability to trust in turn was broken so much to a point of not being able to have empathy for others. If a person such as myself is unable to trust, then the gears in my mind begin to shift and turn, analyzing all those I am to come into contact with as in thinking "there is more to this" or "OK, now what is it this person really wants out of me? What is the hidden agenda of their being?" So for me I am so busy with investigating everyone with a fine tooth comb that I become so self absorbed in my own inability to even trust myself. So now, Becoming so self absorbed, yet hating the fact of it, I have no time to care about so and so because I am not able I am too busy analyzing and observing every one around the person who is supposed to be 'felt for' that the Numbness comes about in not even trying to trust even them or to trust others reactions to emotions of myself should I actually be able to display them properly. Do what you can like maybe some sort of Therapy because it really sucks to have to be fake and mask emotion or lack of. Like the part of me that gets so pissed off because I find myself in a situation of 'caring' maybe a microscopic bit for another that I get pissed off cause I dont want to care and stuff. I don't freaking know the answer just rambling on. Hell my emotions are manufatured in a pharmacutical factory, then dispensed by a psychiatrist then filled at a pharmacy to be consumed when I feel like it. Well Ill end this freud like analisys or whatever with like my example of being on the phone with my mom and she starts to talk about Aunt........and surgery. And despreatly all my energy is going into the OH's and That's to bad.....Really I want to scream at the top of my lungs 'SHUT UP! I DON'T CARE!!!!" well that is my attempt to not give any advice I guess, just to say hey your not the only one. Today I was thinking I should get a freaking Oscar or something for the shit I pretend to hear and pay attention to of my family. Mood subject to change peace RX
doood, i dont really know you so i dont knwo the whole deal so i wont pretend to. and btw, im trashed and was um, i got bruises from last night. i got numb too. some times, TO ME, i dont know if anyone else gets like this.. being numb is... the only way to deal. feelings hurt. life isnt always nice and if you believe in after lifes like i do (or even if you dont but ill get to that in a sec.).... ignore that for now ... just when you're really so confucked, i mean i dont know the words BUT have the intuition (that i feel you have), maybe just try to take it as a lesson. i can smell out old souls.. i dont know...
i never take any drugs, not even allergy medication. Ive given up drinking an smoking 8 months ago and havent touched anything since, even before i only drank a glass or two a week I dont really know whats wrong, i want to feel the pain and joy like everyone else. Otherwise i feel like stone. or some damn robot i dont feel real or human My reaction is also delayed or non-existent, someone insults me or makes a remark, i never even blink, and im looking outside myself wondering why im just standing there looking like a statue. Physically also i cant really feel much, a punch in the face or a kick in the stomach just feels like a wiffle bat. I dont think this is normal, and its really messing with my head
I'd say your best bet is do see a doctor that does this sort of thing. advice off the internet will likely make you worse.
