jealousy/sexual possesiveness

i'm in a new relationship, and my boyfriend is a little uncomfortable with the clothing-optional thing. he admits for him it's a jealousy issue, he says he doesn't want other men even getting a peek at my body. however, he does value my individuality, and wants to work on getting over the jealousy thing, at least to the extent where we can enjoy clothing-optional festivals together without causing strife within the relationship. how do i make this easier for him, meet him halfway?

and yes, before anybody posts what a scumbag he must be because he's uncomfortable with me going nude in front of strangers, i do want to meet him halfway, because he respects me enough to be willing to talk about it and try to get over the sexualized nudity/possesiveness/jealousy issue. to him, the natural lifestyle is very new and a little strange, and he has gotten dicked over in past relationships by women who wanted "open" relationships, so i can understand the possessiveness a little. i think it's great that he wants to learn to respect my body freedom, but i also understand it's going to take time and getting used to.

is or has anyone here ever been in a relationship with someone who sees the nude body as sexual, and had difficulty getting around the jealousy issues? what's the best way to handle this? i value this relationship, and want him to be as comfortable in it as i am.

 

Hi,


As somebody who has had 'jealousy issues' of my own in the past (albeit down to personal insecurity more than diffuculty with a partners life choices or anything else), I can completely relate to how your partner is feeling. It is horrible and not something over which you have any control. You know it's wrong, you know it is potentially destructive but you just can't help yourself.

At the end of the day though, working it through gradually is the only long term solution. There is no shortcut or 'silver bullet (at least in my experience - if anybody knows or thinks different please share !).

It speaks volumes for your partner and how much he values you and your relationship that he is facing up to the issue, acknowledges the cause, is prepared to talk to you about it and work through it with you.

These factors allied to the fact that you are prepared to 'do your part' by understanding what he is going through and working with him to overcome the difficulties should see you both through together.

Good luck !

Rick.

 

I can understand how he feels about your body but in the end its really your choice and if you chose to expose yourself to other people then he should respect that. He should only worry if youre doing something you shouldnt do while youre naked around others. As long as youre just being comfortable and enjoying yourself then theres nothing wrong.

Yes, maybe he should do some of these nude things with you and then at least he can be around you to make sure that someone doesnt do the wrong thing to you and then he wont need to be so jealous anymore.

I dont think hes a scumbag, I just think hes very protective of you and wants to make sure nothing happens to you, for the most part thats a good thing. Its good to meet him halfway, just make sure that its not you thats doing all the work though.

Just get him to understand that youre not like that and just because you enjoy the nudist lifestyle doesnt mean you want an "open relationship". Theres a difference between the two.

I think he will eventually get around to understanding how you feel more and being able to deal with it better.

 

It's going to take some new time to get used to. It doesn't sound like he has dealt with this issue in the past. I'm sure once he understands that you are not going to leave him because some other guy is looking at your body things will be a little better. When I was younger I used to be very jealous if someone looked at my current girl/boyfriend but then I realized that looking is just a uncontrollable human impulse. I still do it and sometimes my girlfriend comments on how "hot" someone is. It's alright because she loves me and I understand that people are good looking!
Anyways, that is my rant...hopefully you find either comfort or something usefull in it!

*kisses*
Casper

 

yeah, he is pretty gee darned wonderful!

i think what i might try, should he want to go to a clothing-optional event with me, is just wearing a sarong at first, until he gets used to the idea. that might make things easier for him. another idea is figure modelling - he's an artist too, so he totally understands that, and has already said it wouldn't bother him. i might encourage him to sit in should i model for an affordable class. when he comes to the understanding that many naturists' appreciation for the nude form is similar to figure art, without the drawing, he may relax a lot. one of the first things he said about my nude body was "i want to draw you!" so he'll be understanding.

 

That sounds like a great idea. Good luck with that!

 

Kitty - you neglected to tell us if he's even comfortable with private nudity. If he isn't its a HUGE step to expect acceptance of public nudity right off the bat. Do you go nude around each other regularly? I don't mean in sexual situations, I mean doing everyday things. It would seem to me thats a first step. Once that is acceptable how about some private outdoor nudity? After that maybe a day or camping trip with another couple where the four of you could be nude or a nude evening with some friends. This process may take some time. Good luck!

 

he's comfortable with private nudity, at least with just the 2 of us. one of the best times i spent with him in woodstock was just sitting nude on the floor of his apartment with him & his guitar, just hanging out, laughing, talking & singing. we're considering some skinny dipping together, but he's also got a phobia of water, so i don't know how that will work out.