My friend, my dear friend I know you but oh so well...each crevice You pushed me while I stood and pulled me as I fell I have grasped your hand and clenched with all my might Pulled and pushed me through corridors of painless nights. You've stalked me around oceans of black, of dead, of red And wonder why we're here again Restless in my graceless bed My friend, my dear friend Mountaintops we've been Valleys, deserts, hidden caves countries, ageless time, cemeteries we've been. I thrive on your whip-like tongue To sear my back once more I thrive on your knashing fangs to tear my back once more. Together, you and I, have outraced an ageless time Our shadows melting into one Yet, never side by side. My friend, My dear friend The worms tug at my skin And these flies that swarm my mouth Are racing time again My soul, so old Cannot fight back The fire that drives you close I crave your breath upon my neck To choke this living ghost I can no more race an ageless time I accept the worm, I accept the fly I turn to you my friend My dear friend Death Grasp your face and look you in the eye.
There’s some great flow going on in this… I love the rhyming at the end of the first stanza… I hear it spoken word style and it makes me smile. Also, the use of repetition that pops up within the stanza’s is great. The only thing that was taking away from this beautiful piece was the opening repetition for each stanza, the my friend, my dear friend bit didn’t work for me. I think it’d be stronger without it and give more impact when you use it at the end; but that’s imo, of course... Thanks for sharing this, I enjoyed much!
Thank you fulmah for your opinions. Maybe a re-write needs to take place. I wrote this in '96 or '97 and not many have read it. A critique was needed. It was written for a friend who tried to commit suicide but came out of the situation with a clearer mind and a stronger desire to stay alive. Thanks again.
