and when the lights die out and the trees have remained still in the silence of this restless night ill cry out to you ill sing to the direction of your little house inside where the flames dance they bow and they greet the song of sadness disease is spreading this love is reaching you dont believe me dont intend to change your soul open just do, just be take your hands and place them inside the deepness of your wounded heart reach in for more pull out the disease its spreading.. ill be coming home soon. where the fire warms a tired tree we are feeding from the death of the thousands who have come before breathe in their smoke their offering is bitter sweet. come home to me. lets burn beneath those long forgotten lights
i like it! it just came thru.. what do you think, what does this mean to you? can you feel it? i would really appreciate feed back thanks
wow, that was wicked good. i loved it. have you written any more poetry, if you have you should really post it i would love to read it!!
Firstly I think you should start your own thread, so all your stuff is in one place and I can find it easily! Secondly I like it. It's simple. What does it say to me...not sure.... let me consider in more depth. and when the lights die out and the trees have remained still in the silence of this restless night ill cry out to you i think opening in the middle of something, beginning with "and" is interesting...the reader is intruding, and begins to eavesdrop ill sing to the direction of your little house inside where the flames dance I love that - the images of cosy far away, the siren singing they bow and they greet the song of sadness disease is spreading I know this is quite pivotal, but it seems weak after the beginning....disease is spreading is intriguing, points at what's to come this love is reaching you dont believe me dont intend to change your soul open just do, just be I love "just do/just be" take your hands and place them inside the deepness of your wounded heart reach in for more pull out the disease its spreading.. this is ok, but I thought the hands would be more healing than intrusive and tearing....? Just me. ill be coming home soon. where the fire warms a tired tree wow wow wow. My fave part!!! we are feeding from the death of the thousands who have come before breathe in their smoke their offering is bitter sweet. come home to me. lets burn beneath those long forgotten lights I like the continuation of the wood fire image, the smoke, the carbon's history Still not sure how I feel overall...maybe I'll come back to it later!!
hey thanks little skinny, i appreciate the time to reflect on my poem... i wouldnt mind having a thread, if i had the time.... i can only use the library computers, so....
we are feeding from the death of the thousands who have come before breathe in their smoke their offering is bitter sweet this stanza is my favorite i like where you chose to break for new lines "there offering is bitter sweet" perfect!
wowee thats so moving and beautiful.....thank you for making me 'feel' today....you've added volume to my day if that makes any weird sense?! roly.xxx
