help! family issues *kinda long* but please help!

ok. my name is cruz. i am 17 years old and ill be 18 in a week and 4 days i believe. and im having HUGE problems with my family. today my parents found a pack of ciggerrettes in my backpack, after snooping through my car. so they freaked out. they came up with my girlfriend making me start smoking and that i smoke pot and do all these drugs and having sex and blah blah blah..all from a pack of ciggs...yea..ok..my cousin is also having pretty big problems with his mom..and hes also 17. im a lil older than him but were best friends. were thinking of moving in together. its gone far enough. i had to break up with my girlfriend that i love to death today. all because ive had all these problems with my parents for so long and ive been running away and blah blah. ive just had all these problems and she hates that. so i didnt want to burden her. things are just so horrible. i just want to get away and be happy with my life again. btw..i was happy with EVERYTHING im my life untill this very day. my parents bring the worst in my. i finnaly told them that i wasnt going to talk to them anymore because they cant communicate with me and neither can i.. its gone way too far. what do yall think i should do. i dont want to stop smoking. dont want to stop doing drugs. dont want to stop anything! i love my life and im not ruining it no matter what they think. everything is fine. nothing is going wrong but what they think is. you understand? like no one has any problems with anything but them. everything sucks. nothing is working with them. i communicate with EVERYONE but them. its like they make my life unhappy not ANYTHING else. what do yall think

 

[/QUOTE] Hi Star,
I'll put on my dad hat. Well, actually its permently on my head (once a dad always a dad). I think this is very, very common what your going through. Speaking from your parents point of view, I think they want to spare you some of the pain they had growing up. They are trying to prevent you from makeing some of the same mistakes that they themselfs might have made. However, the only real way we learn is through experience. So, you must travel your own road, skinning your knees and bumping your head along the way. Personnally, I was a very radical 17 yr old. When I became a parent, I thought that my children would be just as irresponsable and fucked up as I was. I 'projected' that on my children. I just 'knew' that they were doing all the wrong stuff. I was afraid for them. I couldn't have been more wroung. My kids were not me, they were thier own individual selfs. I am shocked at what fine adults they turned out to be.......inspite of me and my fears. If your parents didn't care or love you , you wouldn't have gotten any greif from them. They just wouldn't care.
What bothers me is you say your not communicating with them anymore. You might want to cool off some......give them a chance to cool off. And look at that again before you carve in stone "I WILL NOT TALK TO THEM". Give a couple of days. So, you are growing up, wanting to find your own self, and because they love you, they want to keep thier boy (?). Its an inevitable conflict. You are going through what we all must go through, so you are in excellent company!
good luck,
Mark

 

well now my moms leaving...she has been searching for apartments in the past few hours. and my dads fathers day is ruined. the only thing that has positivly happened in the past few hours is that me and my gf got back together. i couldnt do it. it was just too hard being apart from her. i dunno whats going to happen but shes willing to stick through it all with me. after we broke up and got to my house i told her i loved her before i got out of the car and we havent talked about that yet so i dunno what that means but its cool. i dunno whats happening with my parents but i guess time will only tell