Scared to break it off with Boyfriend...who has an anger problem..!

Ok I have posted things about my current Boyfriend. I am in a bit of a situation here. We have been together for a year and a month. I will try to make this short since many of you might have read my other posts. The first 6 months were horrible. After the 1st month he started to show major anger...he would have really scary behavior..he has called me names a few times and I would say verbally and emotionally been abusive. But hes like 2 people...one is mean, negative, ugly, angry and bitter against the world. The other is optimistic, happy, charming and loving. Hes the first person most of the time. He has said weird things that make it super hard t trust him...then he doesnt understand that I dont trust him...he is super jealous and overprotective. He tried to break up with me 2 times...one cuz he knew his anger might hurt me, and 2 cuz we argued too much. But he begged for me back...crying and such. I took him back. His anger is a little better (probably for the fact, as he admitted, he holds his anger in , in fearof losing me). But he has such an ugly attitude about almost everything...he hates himself, he hates doctors, therapists, most of his family. Lol he was jealous of my dog for a while. Bascially as much as he has tried to change or conceal...I am not happy, in fact I am quite depressed. I have met someone that is such a great person and he has made me realize that this guy isnt for me and that I deserve much better....even just being single would be better. Well I woke up today and like the blink of an eye decided..."im gonna do it". We got in a little arugment last nite and I havent talked to him all day. I am home alone for another day and dont want to do it till my parents come home. But should I say "I am not happy, I dont think we are right for each other, I want to be on my own for a while". Or..."all that and, I met someone else". Should I mention the other guy...I dont think I should.....I am scared.....

 

well, i was just in the same situation with a guy just as yours (but unfortunately we had a flat together). so all i can say: leave as soon as possible. he won't change and he will beg you to come back. he will try to establish contact in every way (my ex-bf went to the police and made a report last week - so be prepaired ) but you should just stop contact. dont call him, dont answer his calls, dont write sms and tell him to leave you alone. you shouldnt mention that other guy to him coz this would make him furious and you never know what people like him are up to. so just tell him anything else. he won't understand why you leave anyways so it doesn't matter actually and i don't know how aggressive he is but you have to tell your friends and family - so if something ever happens they know about him and everything.

just don't give in again coz he will try and try and try.

good luck and pm me if there's anything else you need to ask/know/say...

 

From what you've said, your boyfriend has a serious anger-management problem. I'm no psychologist, but I would not be surprised if he even has bipolar disorder (information which you can look up on WebMD.com).

Stick with your decision to leave him, no matter what his reaction is likely to be. He already tried to break up with you twice, admitting that he's afraid that his anger problem will cause him to hurt you physically. The fact that he's admitted as much is rare. Most men with anger-management or bipolar disorder deny they even have a problem and are most likely to resort to violence.

In your case, your boyfriend's admission that he has a problem may afford you enough "space" to tell him that it's over and that he needs help with overcoming it. He cannot do this alone. I know because I've been there.

Your broyfriend seriously needs counseling to get over his problem. If left unchecked, it can lead to tragic results in the not-too-distant future.

Have you talked with his parents about this (Or, for that matter, YOUR parents)? If you haven't, I strongly suggest that you do. Copy and paste my message and print it, if you can. Show it to his -- and your -- parents, if necessary.

I'd even suggest writing to Dear Abby (Pauline Phillips) to get a second opinion. You can even forward to her my advice to you and ask if it's on the mark -- and to "fill in the blanks" if there are any.

You do indeed deserve a much happier, more peaceful relationship with someone who loves you for being you.

Good luck.

-- Skeeter

 

ConfusedLittleOne--The situation is probably even more serious than you think it is. I like the advice above -- put him on extinction (no communication, no calls, no contact). I'd leave him a note saying that you are leaving, permanently, and that nothing will make you change your mind, and that you expect to be left alone, and that if he doesn't leave you alone, then you will notify the police of his stalking. (After the note, have NO contact with him. If he tries to contact you, contact the police and show them a copy of the note. They should arrest him.)

It is smart to worry about your safety, and for the safety of your new guy. Your angry ex-bf is not even open to therapy -- which means that he's not open to improving himself. Your ex-bf is a scarey guy. Find safety through your family, the police, a restraining order, and a women's support group. Best of luck. I applaud you for being so smart.

 

Hopefully He'll kill you and then himself thereby ridding the world of a pair of dirty underwear.

I'll keep my eyes on the funny pages for future updates.

 

Hopefully he'll use a shotgun on you then himself thereby eliminating cause for future debate.

 

hey, you said essentially the same thing twice!


...and it wasn't interesting either time. child.

 

To be honest with you, I dont think you deserve him! Hes just being himself towars you and you dont find people like that these days.

have you ever sat down to talk to him about it, maybe find ways of helping him out with the problem? Make him take counselling and be supportive of him coz hes aware of it and thats a good enough reason to help and support him through a hard stage and making you someone who has actually saved someone from a very distressing situation...

 

then get him to break up with you

 

You're funny, as insensitive and completely stupid of you to say that as it might be, you're funny. I think I like you.

 

Dude, you're an idiot. No one should have to put up with emotional abuse like that, and you think SHE doesn't deserve HIM? It's people like you who make these women think they're the problem and not leave their abusive relationship. I bet you have a similar problem, that's why you're so sympathetic to him.

I agree everything should be done first to try and change and support him, but it sounds like a situation two of my friends are going through, in which case it's way beyond help. Admitting you have a problem is the first step, but far from the last step. The next step would be actively making an effort to try and change yourself. I have little hope for people who are so clouded with anger. There's definately soemthing not right with them, and a rational, conscious human being doesn't need that kind of person dragging them down.

 

You missed my point. Guess you wouldnt know thou, its called love my friend. If she does she will stick with him, if she dont, she wont..All that I care.

You people dont even know the others side of the story so how can you be so judgmental and givin innacurate advice.

Did you know that anger is the truest most honest emotion? I think ur the one with the problem for putting people in "normal" and "abnormal" categories. Maybe your just have a view of what normal is and try to stick to it because your too afraid of what you really are and what people would think.

Ive seen many like you. And trust me, your nothing but a puppet of life.

 

Buddy, I know exactly who I am. I'm more honest with myself than most people are with themselves, I'm sure.

Maybe anger is true and honest, but it's destructive. Especially when there's excessive anger. In the same light I can say it's being true to our human nature to fight, rape, plunder, cheat and kill without necessity. But that doesn't make it OK.

Anyway, it's painfully obvious that these two people can't be together, it's obvious to her, he knows it, but doesn't want to accept it, which is why she has to be the strong one and break it off. Cause if she keeps gratifying him with companionship, it'll never drive him to fix his problems. Most people like that have to hit rock bottom first, in my experience....

 

dude. you have a really ass-backwards way of viewing a situation like this. i'm pretty sure this chick has already addressed the issue with him, especially if it's gotten to the point where she's afraid to BE with him. it's one thing to love someone through something hard in their lives. it's completely another to GIVE UP one's HAPPINESS and SENSE OF WELL-BEING in an effort to save someone. i think when a relationship is abusive, it's up to the person who's BEING abusive to get help ON THEIR OWN. the person at the receiving end of the abuse owes NOTHING to the person with the problem. this girl isn't the one with the problem. and she's very SMART for getting away. this guy probably isn't going to get help until he hits rock bottom and realizes that he needs some other kind of professional help. and her sticking around will more than likely inhibit him from changing because the energies are focused on their relationship more than him healing/becoming a better person. and in the meantime, she has to be subjected to anger and jealousy all the time. WHO THE FUCK WINS, THEN? it is a lose/lose situation.
don't listen to this guy. he is obviously ignorant and inexperienced when it comes to matter such as this. he is also sexist as well. according to him, you don't even deserve a guy who treats you like shit. well, that's bullshit to me! don't listen to people who say things like that. they are the same kinds of people who justify themselves when they are on the giving end of abuse. yeah. i went there.

 

Hopefully he'll shotgun blast you into the outer realm and then join you with half of his own head blasted into oblivion for a cup of morning tea in purgatory.

 

confusedlittleone- I dont know how old u are but let me tell u my experience.. When i was a teenager, my bfriend was verbally and emotionally abuse at first as time went by it became physical, it took me years to get away from him. Then when I finally did he would follow me in his car, call my house and hangup and so on. The cops did nothing. Get away now before it gets any worse. Tell your parents and friends what u are doing and whatever u do dont tell him u met someone else. Just say its over. I did it in my bedroom with the door open and my dad in the kitchen. This way u have someone around. Family is better then friends when it comes to these situations, trust me I know. If u need more advice pm me. Im here for u...