grail

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Fierce_Flawless, Jun 21, 2004.

  1. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    i figure the meaning of life
    is something that i don't have to seek
    like god, it's searching for me
    constantly one step behind me
    and i figure if i remember
    to slow down
    sit down
    once in a while
    one of these days it just might find me

    and my ring finger curves
    where i hold my pen when i write
    and my shoulder likes to slope
    where i sleep on it at night
    we all adjust around
    the habits that we make
    the more we like to bend
    the less we tend to break

    and i think people
    are like roads through the country
    carving out the landscape
    in lines that never end
    and it's not as good
    to cross as to merge
    because that way
    you've both got to bend

    and my ring finger curves
    where i hold my pen when i write
    and my shoulder likes to slope
    where i sleep on it at night
    we all adjust around
    the habits that we make
    the more we like to bend
    the less we tend to break

    and i lay and wait for sleep
    wait for him to overcome me
    and suddenly i've taken a leap
    casting off the sheets above me
    out of my dreams
    onto the ground
    as if i can't stay in one place
    for so long, lying without a sound
    as if i were awake
    still lying in wait
    all along

    and the meaning of life
    is always one step behind me
    and i sit in the silence
    and wait for it to find me
    and this is how i deal
    with the world passing me by
    each day i try hard just to feel
    and then try harder not to cry
     
  2. ripple23

    ripple23 Member

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    I have to ask this, when you wrote 'something i don't have to seek like god, it's searching for me' did you mean it that god is something you don't have to seek for, or that god is somethign that searches for you?? you know what i'm saying? it could go either way
     
  3. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    whatever it means for you, that's what it means. my poetry doesn't really ever have a set meaning, it grows with me, like my skin.
     
  4. ripple23

    ripple23 Member

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    ah shit i was hoping you weren't going to say that :p, but i've said it myself so i can't argue it. anyways if you care to know i really liked the idea of, instead of humans searching for god, that god searches for... me... or you... so that's the way i'll take it!
     
  5. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    now that you've formed your own opinion, i'll confess- that is exactly what i meant.
    so many people search outside themselves for what they believe in when everything they desire has always been inside them, and if only they believed in themselves, all of that could surface. all of it.

    god is eternally waiting for us to stop searching because it's only then that we actually see.

    in my opinion.

    now i'll cross my fingers and hope that no one reads the replies before stopping and thinking about what i wrote. :D
     
  6. Acid_Rain

    Acid_Rain Member

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    oooh, i really liked this, it was awesome



    i especially liked the bend break thing you did
     
  7. skyfire

    skyfire Member

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    this is the best poem you have ever written...i loved it...the way it flowed and the ideas in it...the roads merging and not crossing and trying harder not to cry, sitting in silence waiting for the meaning of life...and i like the way you repeat that one stanza and how it ends like it starts...this was awesome...and if u dont mind...i would like to copy this and save it because there are a few people that i think need to read this...thank you for writting it...
     
  8. skyfire

    skyfire Member

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    i just keep reading this and i have to be honest...this stanza doesnt flow as well (or maybe just not the same) as the other stanzas...it kinda (well for me) makes you have to slow down when u r reading...

    and i was going to say that this could be a song...
     
  9. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    that stanza... is how i actually started this poem. it's my inspiration for it. so i don't want to cut it out but i really need to reform it and maybe move it around. because it is a song, and that could make a good bridge... but you are so right, it does kind of hinder the rhythm.
     
  10. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    okay i switched it up a bit. i really appreciate your help with this, skyfire :D i like this new and improved version better, the sleep deal goes well withthe last part "waiting in the silence"... but if you have any extra little advice i am very open to it.

    thanks again!

    ~Riv
     
  11. skyfire

    skyfire Member

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    yeah...that does sound better...i wouldnt have cut it either...it was a good stanza but like u said, it just hindered the rhythm a little...but it flows better now...awesome job...
     
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