I'm so sad right now, and confused....but maybe I'm just being too sensitive about it and taking it way out of proportion.... but the love of my life....he's in afghanistan...just left 3 weeks ago for a one year deployment....well, we were so close before he left and we really were so into each other, and he asked me all of the time if we had a future together before he left because he told me he wanted to be with me sooooo much and he really liked me A LOT, and he even asked me one night if I would wait for him....but he said that was an unfair question to ask me because he was going to be gone for a whole year.... well i told him that i would DEFINITELY wait for him and that he had NO REASON to believe I wouldn't because I was very much into him as he was into me.... well sunday night after talking to him on the phone, keep in mind he's been gone for 3 weeks now.....he told me that he wanted me to go out and have fun with my friends, which is understandable, and I'm going too, but he also mentioned that if i went out and met someone else, that it would be okay...he didn't want me wasting my time and waiting on him for a whole year....and that statement really hurt my feelings, because I DO NOT want to meet anyone else, i would feel totally wrong dating someone else, and it bothers me that meeting someone else would be okay with him.......it makes me feel as if he doesn't really care about me????? But i never thought I'd hear him say that? Do you think he's being serious or do you think he's just wanting me to be happy and not feel that i really have to wait for him and waste my time? I don't know because we couldn't finish the conversation b/c he had to get off of the phone b/c his time was up. But i really hope he was just saying that and not really meaning that......because I don't want anyone BUT HIM!!!!! But my fear is that he doesn't really care if we're together when he gets home or not and that now he's just kinda slowly without hurting me trying to get me off of his shoulders. Whats the deal? You guys have any reasons you think he'd say that it was okay if i met someone else?????? AHHHHH
I think he said that just to see your reaction and to have another confirmation that you want only him.
It's impossible to know exactly why he said what he said without actually asking him...I mean, there could be many reasons why. Maybe he really doesn't want you to wait...well...at least he's honest. It's sad to say, but long distance relationships are very hard and your relationship has to be VERY strong to withstand the aches and pains that WILL occur. ON the other hand, maybe he did say that to see your reaction. Pretty dirty joke if you ask me...I, personally, don't like when people play those games with me. Mean what you say, say what you mean. I hate when people do things just to see your reaction...games. Sorry if I'm being cynical (kinda in that mood, I guess...I'll apologize in advance)...it just seems to me you're not really strong enough for that kind of relationship, cuz if you were, then you wouldn't be questioning it. Is it a new relationship?
maybe he felt selfish by asking you to wait? long distance can be hard and he may just be thinking of you. men don't think the same way we do, he's probably thinking practically rather than ideally. next time you speak to him i'd tell him you understand it will be hard but you are prepared to wait if he's okay with that. but ask him what he meant and that if he wants a break then he needs to tell you. at the end of the day though you can't plan how your feelings towards eachother will change over the next year so i'd just not make any decisions and see how things go day by day.
yes it is a new relationship.....we were together just a month before he left.....but it was the kind of relationship that started as soon as we saw each other.....we were set up on a blind date...both of us only thinking it would be a "friends" thing...and then as soon as we saw each other we immediately fell in complete awe over one another....and we were together EVERY single day from the night we met until the very last couple of hours before he left for his deployment.... so yeahhhh it is new.....but he was the one that first told me how strong his feelings were for me, and how he just couldn't get over me because I was everything he looked for in a relationship....and how he would hate to think that him leaving to afghanistan for a year would ruin anything great we could have together....and at first i thought everything was moving too fast....but then i realized after a few days of the conversation when he told me all those things....I realized that it was so pure and true and that I would be an idiot if I didn't stay with him b/c he's everything I look for in a guy and a relationship.....and then he was SOOOOOOO excited to find out I felt the same thing for him....and he left for his deployment in such a great state of mind b/c he knew i felt the same way...... and then now......this???? thanks for all the comments i'm still so confused though
i think he just cares about you a lot and wants you happen at any cost. i dont think that he would be feeling any less than you. i mean its not like he's gonna b around any other women that would cause him to fall out of love with you...he's in an army of men...but i dont think that would be a problem anyhow.he just won't have any temptation to leave you so thats one less thing to worry over...and he's probably got you on his mind 24/7 and thats whats keeping him doing his job to get bak to the states as soon as he can just to see you. he just cares for you i think. if not that, he wanted to know you care for him as much, or even both
You have to know that he is risking his life everyday over there and it is scary for him. I would bet that e doesn't want you to wait for something that may never come. sorry to put a damper of things, but i have a friend in iraq so i know sortof what you are talking about.
hey sister soul, if he says things like this, immediatly ask him what he means, don't let it become a question without an answer ( like now). When I was deployed there I told my girlfriend on the phone that if she met someone else, I would be fine with it. Why? Well ( probably like him) I was overwelmed, nervous, confused and I didn't have anyone to talk to about my feelings ( we men don't do that). Trust me, he feels the some way ( he will not admit it, though). The only thing you can do is talking with him, about what is happening to him, his feelings, your feelings. Tell him a lot about what happens at home, the little things ( the neighbours painted their fence, it looks hidious!). It will help him to feel at home when he returns. Don't tell him to much about you're problems and don't complain and be stressy when you talk to him. I know it will be hard for you. Look for someone you can talk to, maybe a girlfriend whose boyfriend is over there to. Stay strong, show him you love him. He might keep some distance to you, that is becouse he's afraid to lose you. At least, I did that last one. And don't worry to much, it's safer there then it is in a big city at night.
thanks guys so much.....i care for him soooooo freaking much..... a week ago is when we had that conversation on the phone when he confused me....and i've not heard from him since....i know that he can't call everyday and he told me that at times he has to go off base for a certain amount of time, days, even weeks maybe...so i understand that that is possibly why he hasn't been able to call me....but i would hate to think he is trying to think less of me and not calling for that reason only
Honey, my ex was a Marine. He was in the first convoy into Iraq on St. Patricks Day 2 or three years back. Trust me, he cares about you. Dont forget that. He just feels guilty for leaving you. Remember that it is 10 times harder on him than it is on you. He has no one around that love him like his friends and family do back home. All he has are government issued friends. Be there for him no matter what and support him. You need to give him all the love you can. Writing letters is the best way to get to know him, trust me. Thats how I got to know my husband. We we had been together for years but I learned so much about him from those letters. Best advice, just be there for him but go out and do things. If you don't, you will regret and make yourself sick. Its not good to sit at home and do nothing. I sat in front of a tv for at least 6 months waiting to hear the slightest clue of where he was. All I got out of it was hair loss and ulcers. Best of luck to you. Feel free to get in touvh if you want.
