About 4 or five months ago I met this guy through some friends. He is absolutly perfect for me and no one has ever treated me better in my life. I met him shortly before my birthday and he took me to see moe. a couple times and fufilled my every desire. He gave me some pretty sweet gifts for not knowing me that well. They werent expensive or anything, they were just from the heart. The only problem is, hes African American and Im white. My dad has said a million times I was never allowed to date another race. My parents are divorced but my dad still somehow affects the way my mom thinks. She loves this guy but knows my dad will flip. I am open and honest with the guy and he knows how I feel and how the family feels. Him and I didnt get along for a few months because of this problem. I thought about him everyday during that time and no one can ever feel as right for me as he does. Im 22 years old and I'm scared to death to even mention it to my dad. But I cant leave the best thing that ever happened to me waiting in the dark. Any suggestions of how to make it work? Anyone in my boat?
I really can't help you, but you love who you love, and that forbidding someone to date another race is totally racist. There is a reason we fall in love with people, it's not that we can choose it. The other thing is, you`re 22. Legally, your parents, can't say anything. Maybe you would upset him, but you're not a child anymore. You can make your own decisions. If you love this guy, I'd say go for it. You have to live with this man, not your father.
You're 22 years old, you're old enough to make your own decisions. If you dig him, forget what anyone else says or thinks, you're an adult and can date how you choose. If your father truly cares about you, he will eventually overlook something as silly as race and will just be content that you are happy. If you are happy, go for it and don't feel you've got anything to hide. And if your dad never truly accepts him, at least you've got your mom on your side. One is better than none at all.
if you get to that point tell your dad at the wedding, if the guy is worth marrying and your dad can't accept it it's his failing sorry, I'm one for clean dichotemies......
...You don't have to live with your father.... You are talking about your life. I understand your Dad, Since I'm part of that generation, but until people start judging EVERYONE as an individual, not along race, gender, sexual preferences, until we quit making that a defining point we never never get past biases. Hopefully your father will eventually get to the point that he understands this is a different time and to judge by what the guy is about not what the guy looks like. LOL...how does he feel about gays....maybe you could say guess what daddy...i'm gay!.....then when he's freaking out you could say, I was j/king but the real news is I have a new bf and he's black (ok, so I'm a lil twisted, wtf)
I can understand wanting your dads blessing,and that is a beautiful thing!But hey,you have to be true to yourself,and if you dont try you will never know.Perhaps he may have a different reactio about this.Has he ever met your boyfriends in the past?And what does he value most about any others in your life?Maybe if you begin telling dad about the good qualities he has,and alittle about him,who he is,what you value in him,maybe he may have an eye opening experience and surprise you.Maybe not,but if you never try you never know.....good luck with whatever you decide !
You cant let your parents rule your life, or you will end up resenting them. Break free babe, and follow your heart
You are still very young and have yet much to learn from life's experience. And you are also fully grown and have your own choices to make. The shell that a spirit takes on is superficial and tho' it is important for that person's path it is only an outer thing. If you love this person on a deep level you should not let your Father's concerns be the total and final deciding factor. At the same time, you should consider your Parent's wishes. This is not an easy issue. I suggest that you follow the path with Heart. Not the path of Heart, but with Heart. Do not follow only your thoughts, nor only your emotions, but try to find the perfect balance between the two. Love is the glue that holds the Universe as One. Do not ignore it on any side of your Being. You Love your Father and you Love your boyfriend. (or is it SoulMate?) The Answer to your dilemma is there, and it is deep within. Do not deny the Love of your Father foremost, but be sure to follow the Path into the future of Love, which may or may not be this boyfriend. 'hope this helps.
ok first off, fuck all the spiritual mumbo jumbo. If you love your black boyfriend then you go with that, simple as that. you said you think he is the one for you...there is no other factor involved. If your dad cant accept the adult decisions you make then its his downfall not yours. Your dad is going to love you no matter what you do or who you spend your life with. I liked the idea someone above gave, tell them a little about your boyfriend at a time, all his good qualities and get your dad to liking him before he finds out he's black. jsut a thought from the j-man
Thanks everyone for all the worrds of encouragement. It helps me. I wish it could help my dad though.
Funny thing is I think my dad relates to my generation of men when it comes to gays. Hates gay men but Lesbians sure do turn him on! Ha ha ha. Men! But anyway, Seeing that you are part of his generation, how would you feel if this was your child we were talking about? Do you think you could get past something so petty such as the color of someone's skin? Keep in mind that this guys is no thug, not a gangster, hes a hippie...hardcore.
Chances are, your parent is racist because his parents were racist. Dating different colors of skin has become way more accepted in the few past decades than versus '50s and '60s. But I don't think they choose to be that way. It was just the norm at one time and had a huge influence on millions. Time is the only thing that'll break him in. I know the type all too well. Just take baby steps because ol' heads don't like things done quickly.
