Well i went to the clinic on thursday (yesterday) ..... and i did it... I stole this little bit from a message i sent to moomin mama because it ind of summed up what happened quite well... "Well yesterday was quite a day... i woke up and threw up straight away (the day before i threw up loads). It just seemed the more pregnant i got the more unhappy my body was. I couldnt have Jaycee hug me in bed or put his arm around me cos the whole of my mid drift hurt so much and also i couldnt wear necklaces or tshirts that werent massive because i kept feeling like i was being strangled and it made me feel sick :S (even at times when nothing was on my throat i got this) It was horrible. I went to the clinic and they took me away from jaycee almost instantly to a part where "men arent aloud" apparently. i had the scan (little kidney bean ) and then... they took me straight in to get it done. I was petrified because i hate doctors and needles... and all the magazines they had were celebrity gossip *rolls eyes* but ..... part of me felt kind of comfortable with what was happening. ... then after the surgery ... i threw up :S (which no one else did as a few of us were in there together and came out together) so they kept a close eye on me... but i felt bettter. Jaycee drove me back to staines and we slept for a while... and soon i had an appitite and got some strength back... and i felt... releived. I feel bad saying that because i feel like maybe i shoudlnt be happy.... because so many people told me i'd be so distraught.... but i guess it really was what i wanted." I know its not truely over as i will live with it my whole life... but the fact i can now eat ... and im getting my strength back (i still get dizzy when ever i stand up but i can atleast get up without too much strength used up) is a sign that i did the right thing in my eyes. Mentally and physically i was in no place for a child... and as much as my meternal instincts were crying to keep it... (every time i saw pictures or messages on here from happy mummys and daddies i got so confused) i knew inside that now wasnt the time. Now i've still got a slightly saw mid drift.. but only when i sit in a slumping position... but aside from that (and the still rather large bazoomers) im drifting back to myself again. .... I just wanted to send a big thank you to all the mamas and papas who have lhelped me.... And a biggest thank you the most beautiful person in my life who not only got me into the situation but supported me through it what ever and helped me out again... Jaycee i love you with all my heart.. Thank you everyone Fleassy xoxox
*hugs* i'm glad you're feeling better. I imagine the "distraught" feeling probably comes with time, so i wish you luck and strength in that area. When it really is time for you to have babies, that will probably be the time it's hardest to deal with. I had a miscarriage once, and totally blew it off to the point that i actually forgot about it for years. Later on, as the mom of two and finally in the groove of it, it all came back to me pretty hard. If this does eventually happen to you, remember you're not alone, and lots of ladies have dealt with it. Much love! michelle
Oh, Fleassy I am so glad that it worked out the best for you and Jaycee. It's definatley a hard decition to make but in the end, you and jaycee made the right choice for your current siuation. Many hugs to you and him both!
Don't feel bad about any emotions you do or don't have! Sounds like you did the very best thing for you. I'm glad you're feeling better(ish). Big hugs!
*hugs* I'm glad you're happy with your decision. Lots of women aren't... But as long as you are at peace, everything is as it should be. Lots of love to you, my girl...
...Well it hit me this weekend a bit. I work at a fairground surrounded by kids. It was hard... and i cired a few times... but i guess i expected a bit of guity feelings. I feel like i let it down. I always worried it be a bad mum and not treat my kid right...... and in heindsight i feel like i failed before i even began. i guess i will learn to live with these feelings...but ..... hey ... yea ill live. ...thank you again for all your kind words
It's good to get your feelings out, to grieve. It's better to do that than to hold all of it inside. I think, that when the time is right, that you will make a wonderful mama. {{{HUGS}}} girl...
((((((((((Fleasy))))))))))) Heal, sister. My thoughts are with you and your man. Please take good care of yourself. Love and kisses, Maggie
Don't tooo hard on yourself. Heal and grow. Thats what it's all about in the end. There will be other chances (I'm assuming) for new life when the time is maybe better. Peace
Thank you everyone... your help has been so sooo much... well.. help to me. Now im just concentrating on getting my body healed up again and back on par ready for a good summer.
