not a good birthday present, but could be fun

So, for my 18th birthday which is coming up soon, my friends want me to come roll with them. I've done this before a few times, and here's what happened:
First time with two best friends was amazing, but I felt very lonely and disconnected. Second time, I had about 3/4 of a crushed pill (there wasn't enough for everyone so we split it), and I FREAKED out. It was total panic, and there were people everywhere, and I was so scared and anxious that I left the party and went home and tried to sleep. Third time was with my boyfriend, and was okay, except that once again I felt very lonely and disconnected. Does e ever do that for anyone else? I'd like to roll with my friends for my birthday, but I don't want to spend the whole time scared or lonely. It's sounding like a worse and worse idea as I type this. As long as I don't panic, it should be tolerable, though.
~Nova