Venting some steam advice welcome!

What's up Cats, I'm Arnold. So heres my deal, and I'm sure you've all heard it before from somebody. Well here it is again my story. I have a friend she moved from Ohio about 4 years ago. She invited one of her friends down and this girl and I really hit if off. Theres a pic of her in my photos. She has a lot of qualities I admire about her but the biggest thing is bottom line she's a modern day hippie. Shes more Hip then me which is saying a lot I think lol. Here is where my problems start. Cassie my girlfriend still lives in Ohio and I live in North Carolina. She expressed interest in moving down here one day but she doesn't want to move in with me due to the fact she's afraid of what people would think. She's also in debt, and I'm cool with that. I helped her out on a cell phone bill of well lets just say a stupid amount of money (the amount is not worth posting) and she just comes off as ungrateful. We went 2 months almost without seeing eachother and that's not my fault I have brought it up many times that we should get together somewhere, you know just kind of meet inbetween states somewhere and go on vacation. Hell I even offered to pay. But she's wanting to find a job she say's and she can't work if she's spending time with me. Then a week ago our friend she knows that I met her through got married. I was kind enough to let here entire family come and stay at my place. Her family loves me, I love them. Cassie on the other hand... well I'll tell you word for word what she told me when we finnally got a moment alone. "I really wanted to tell you sooner but I thought I had better wait till after the wedding. I came down to break up with you, but as soon as I saw you I couldn't do it. I really think God wants me to not be in a relationship right now. And if it was up to me I'd stay in the relationship.'' That was what she told me. She did say she wasn't breaking up with me yet that she just wasn't sure yet.
After loosing much need sleep I came to the conclusion she's been playing me for a fool for a long time now. That morning I broke up with her, funny enough it pained me more than it did her. I didn't wanna do it, and then she said, "Are you sure you wanna do this?" "I just think its stupid to break up with me if you wanna be with me and I wanna be with you." Wait a min. didn't she just tell me the night before she wasn't sure about nothing and was pretty sure God didn't want her in a relationship? I know some of you might think I'm dumb or something but I love her to death. I've chased her for 2 years now watching her fall for every dead beat loser she came across, and now that I've finally got her she's just slipping away like grains of sand between my fingers. I sent her flowers today, we haven't talked in a week. I call but her cell phone is either off or out of her calling area. Anyway sorry this thing is so long. Any advice from anybody would be great! Unless your going to call me a dumbass, I don't need to hear stuff I already know. Peace out Brothers and Sisters. Arnold

 

Dump both of em and get a cat. You'll all be happier in the end.

 

Good thoughts... but that was all about one girl.

 

Well,Arnie,what could any of us say about this? I think you know already. It doesn't sound good...it sounds like she's either playing games or she's confused about what she wants. It could be that she doesn't want to be in the relationship..yet,she doesn't want to completely let go. You know the situation better than any of us,you know how it feels to you,and you know her...so,you have to decide what you feel is going on here.
My opinion though,is that you don't chase her under any circumstances. If she's confused,then being there(even from afar) could lead to more confusion...back off and give it time. Also,if she's playing games..then you don't want to chase her anyways. If she is doing that,I would bet money that she would seek you out if you stopped being there for her. That's just how it is,so often. Once they feel you're slipping away,they will suddenly want to be with you more than ever.

 

She sounds really confused and like she doesn't know what she wants, but she does love you or she would have just ended it when she came to see you.

If it was all about the money then she wouldn't risk her lifeline by saying she is thinking of breaking up with you.

As for her being ungrateful, that could be the case. I don't know. I do know that I have supported my ex and he came across as very ungrateful, but deep down it was just embarrassment and low self esteem. I would feel like crap if I got myself into debt, had my boyfriend that I could never see have help me pay for things, and only get to see him and do fun things when he has the money to pay for it all. Maybe she is a little ungrateful, but it could be feeling inferior also.

Only you would really know what's right. Ony you can know is she is playing games with you, or just trying to get things figured out

 

READ this carefully, dude! Wonder Girl has spelt it out, and honestly, too! Not many women would share with you the way they tick, but she has. Usually, you will get the run of the mill, 'Oh, I'm sorry and hope you feel better' nonsense or 'well, you know, maybe this girl wasn't feeling so good, or had a bad day, etc etc' posts, but this is a pearl and just as rare.

Forget that girl you are whining about. She is not the only woman in the world, and you do NOT need her to have any sense of worth or happiness. You decide that, and you only. If she's dumb enough to mess you around, then don't you be dumb enough to let it affect you. DO not get angry, either, because that will also give her ego a little boost; IF you see her, be pleasant, say 'Hi', but also be ambivalent and aware you are moving on, as any man would.

Wonder Girl, I could kiss ya for that post.......but you'd just want me..... and I am a busy bohemian, indeed...........

 

Wonder Girl that was wonderful advice, since I wrote that post a lot of the things I've thought about was not really my girlfriend... No it was more like, "Dude wake up and smell the coffee!" Everyone has at some point and time told me to kick her to the curb, and as much as it pains me to say it, it's true! Silver Salamander, as harsh as it may seem to me, you've made many good points. Killing her with kindness is much better then loosing my voice because I'm screaming at her. Anyway thank you all for the advice that you've given me. Really all I want from her is a conversation, like we used to have, the reason I'm so head over heals for her. Anyway some things came up and I'll let you know the out come of this in a couple of day's.

 

you sound like a super nice guy that fell into the bitch trap. why are all nice guys with crazy girls?

i hope everything works out for you.

 

Well as I said before some stuff happened this weekend with my girl friend. I've said my piece to her and she's explained her side of the story. Basically she works at a summer camp and does a lot of stuff around there. We've talked it out and I thought we were going to part ways but instead we've decided to cut it back a little. I'm not going to worry about her and she's not going to worry about me coming to conclusions without all the facts. So were going to keep in touch over the summer and when her job is over at the end of the summer we'll see where we stand there. Anyway that's the out come. thanks guys for all the advice.

 

Aww thank you....I'm glad you appreciate my wisdom

 

Dump her.

 

Ok ok I'm sure people are tired of seeing this post by now, so I cant say how my relationship is going with this girl. However I can tell you that I don't give a crap anymore and that if I never talk to her again I could be just fine. So IronGoth I didn't dump her but I haven't talk to her in about 3 weeks on a phone (only IM's) and I haven't put forth any effort what so ever to make a this relationship work any longer. I mean why beat a dead horse right? So lets all sigh in relief that I don't worry about it anymore and we can move on to a new subject.... I'm thinking music. See you there. Arnold