Dating a person with a child(ren)

Would you date someone who had a child or more than one child?

Have you?

What were your experiences?

I've dated several gentlemen who had at least one kid. At the time I thought it was loads of fun, but after it was over, it was really hard. Because it was like breaking up with two people instead of just one.

Would I do it again? It would give me second thoughts, but if I liked the guy enough I could see past the children issue. I love kids, don't get me wrong. I love them, but it's hard when the relationship ends.

 

I wouldn't.

And I know nobody would date me, with two kids.

 

I have and I would again! Because sometimes it's what makes the relationship good. I mean when you have to break up with them and the child to it hurts, but sometimes it can be agood thing and sometimes it can't! Just the thought of hurt the kid(s) is imagineable, but bareable!

 

having three kids of my own, i'd rather date someone with kids. seems a lot of childless men don't understand i can't give them my full attention.


some of the men i've dated with children, i've missed the kids after we've broken things off. i tend to stay friends with the whole family, but it's just not the same.

one man i dated son was sick with cancer. luke's (the little boy) mother had abandoned them before he was diagnosed and she never came around anyways. he had started calling me "new mommy". i loved that little man. he died in the hospital a few months after his dad and i started dating. my own kids cried for weeks afterwards. it was like they had lost their own brother. i'm still friends with lukes dad.

the last guy i was dating.. UGH! sorry.. but i hated his son. i tried every trick in the book to get along with that kid. very selfish, angry, mean, grouchy child. i seriously think he needs professional help. i work with kids and this is the first time i've been around a kid i dreaded having to be in the care of.

but i would date a man with kids, or even a man that likes kids. i just need to be more picky. kids are a packaged deal when dating someone that has children.

 

I haven't, but I would. I would prefer not to. I'm a kid myself. It would be weird, but I would never turn someone down b/c he had a child.

 

i have two kids... i don't date. i just think it's hard enough on kids to have single parents, let alone for those parents to go through other relationships and other break-ups.

i did date a guy for about a year, took forever to introduce him to the kids, and then we broke up. it was really hard for them, i don't want to do that to them again. it's hard enough for my kids that i'm split with their father... they don't need other men coming and going out of our lives. so i just don't date... my kids are too important.

on the other hand, if i ever did meet a man and we clicked so much i had little doubt about him, i would try dating again. i'm not entirely closed to the idea. but the right man hasn't fallen out of the sky and i haven't been searching.

besides that, i think i'm undatable by most standards. i'm a bit too radikal for most men, i homeschool my kids (so they're never gone, that always seems to be a problem for men, even those with kids can't fathom why i'd want to spend all day with my kids), my ex and i actually get along (that seems to be a threat to other men) and he stays here to see the kids rather than dragging them up to his place. and the men i've met seem to think i'm looking for someone to take care of me/pay for everything because i don't have a 9-5 job (i don't want one and i am pretty darn independent without one... go figure ).

so... lol... i just don't date.

-z

 

Yeah, I've encountered the same idea before, Persephone. There was one woman who I thought that I was dating. Gave me her phone number. Called her up. Asked me out to a bar. Went to the bar, talked for hours. Had a great time. Stopped by my place afterwards. Talking with me and my friend. And then had to run home for her kid. When I called a couple days later to say that I had a great time and ask if we could do something again soon, she said no, she's really busy. When I e-mailed her to ask what the hell had happened, she said that I got the wrong idea. We weren't dating, just friends. She doesn't have time or energy for anything like that.

We've e-mailed back and forth a couple times since then. We both have pretty full lives, so nothing happens unless you make a specific effort, y'know? All slightly confusing.

So yeah, I'd date a woman with children. I love children. And people with kids understand the idea of commitment, which most people don't.

 

sorry to hear about your confusion David.

probably another reason i don't date. i don't want to give anyone the wrong idea

-z

 

i did once.... got attached to the son mostly. i think its cuz i've been a nanny for a while, me and kids get along really well and david, the father, saw how good i was with kids ansd saw that i would be a great person... just didnt work out for us tho... we were definitely at different points in our lives. cuz its true.... someone with kids would want a commitment and stuff, whereas im all over the place... and cant settle down. but if this person really was great and the time and everything was right i would definitely be down for it. lets me use my maternal instinct so i dont crave my own children.

 

I've only ever dated one woman with a child. While we were together, it was a very positive experience - I loved her son, really enjoyed spending time with him watching movies with him, reading together, watching him play with my dog, playing video games etc. It was an odd adjustment at first and I was very timid, always asking her what type of roll she wanted for me to play in his life. She said, just be his friend, which is what I did and we became very good friends.

Looking back, the time we were together, Dennis probably spent more time doing things with me than his own mother. She had a rather low interest in him, which I found very odd and very much a turn off.

When her and I split, it was for good - we really couldn't see each other again. She got back together with a psycho ex-boyfriend who wanted to kill me essentially. It was very hard to say goodbye to Dennis and in my opinion, very unfair to him as he became very attached to me.

Because of this experience, I would have severe reservations about dating someone with a child again. I would only do so if the child's father still played a very active role in their life and approved of the mother dating me and spending time with her child. With this particular girl, the father was an alcoholic and essentially a dead beat dad, only spent a couple of days a month with him. I think because of it, Dennis looked at me as 'daddy' to an extent. So, the end result was very unfair to him.

Jeez, I'm rambling. I guess what I'm saying is that I'd do it again, but only if the situation was absolutely right.

 

no i wouldn't because-
i don't want the ex wife conflict-im highly experienced and educated with kids and will be the perfect mother for sure and i wouldnt want to make her look bad
i want kids of my own for sure and soon as i have a supportive work enviorment in that nature and i wouldnt want a non-bio kid to feel bad or misplaced