I just recently had a son and he is now three months old. Here's my problem ever since i was pregnant my fiancee and i didn't have much of a sex life actually we didn't even have a sex life. Now since i have had my son we started to have sex again but the problem is that I don't really feel attractive any more and my fiancee doesn't even try to make me feel like i am attractive or that he wants me.I have talked to him numerous of times and yet nothing has changed. I also have hinted to him that our sex life as well as are relationship has gotten boring and repetative and suggested a few new things but he says he is afraid. Also he has been a 2 pump chump and he says it's because he is out of shape ( which he is not) I know that it's because he has no control. Any advice or opinions will be appreciated. THANX ~Fallen Fairy~
first off congrats on your baby boy.. knew you were pregnant a while back but... being a guy and all im bad at keeping track of those things. anyways, sounds like a normal scenario, although not fun. theres a lot of emotional changes going on for both of you. if i remember you two are as young as apple and I were when we had our son. it was a rough time, many changes. you're learning to be a mother, a woman, a lover, and stay sexy and sane. lol its a lot. if he's anything like i was he's a little confused, a little stressed, probably real into his work and making money... he may feel disconnected from you, after all you said you had little to no sex during your pregnancy. that can be rough on a guy, he doesn't know whats going on any more than you do im sure. as far as your relationship, i would recommend counseling. it may sound cliche' but in my experience its been very positive and healing. other than that you both just have the tools you have now to work it out, but counseling can really help speed the process up so you can get close again and love and feel loved. both of you.... if you do not feel attractive, which is normal right after having your first child, then im sure its hard for him to be attracted to you. thats just my perception from a guys view point. a hot chick is one that acts hot as well as is hot. and im sure your still hot, your just not used to your new body. stretch marks? loose skin still hangin around? do something that will make you feel sexy. get your hair done or something(yeah i know its crazy hard when your a new mom) but get something done that makes u feel good anyways. then when u get the first chance to be alone set the mood. make him dinner and stuff. it'll show him that you appreciate him and he'll feel loved (whether he admits it or not ) and then i'd say just seduce him. but thats the key- you need to feel hot in order to be hot enough to seduce him.... ok im rambling a bit at this point.. maybe someone else can elaborate on that paradox... as far as your own body, be consistent with exercise... again i know its extremely tough with a newborn, but do your best. exercise will help you feel good emotionally, boost your confidence (which increases your hotness factor) and it will also help speed up getting rid of your baby belly if you still have one.... i think though that its probably mostly strong emotional energies that have been kept in for a while by both of you which is why counseling is a good thing.... then the sex will take care of itself... what things did you suggest to him? is there any sexual exploration that maybe he has wanted to try but you haven't been ready to? are you ready now? dont go there out of desperation for attention though, he'll back away even if he wants to explore... relationships and love are definately one of the biggest challenges in life. stay true to yourself, stay true to him, and keep working slowly and it will work itself out i promise.. much love bz
I have tried that and yet no matter what i do i still feel like a fat disgusting cow. I have tried numerous things sometimes they work but most of the time they dont. I work out 5 days a week for 30 minutes a day targeting certain parts of my body. I am eating differently and working out more often so far i have lost 40 lbs and yet i still feel humongous. Heres a hint of what our sex life was before we got pregnant during and after. We kissed he got hard and put it in last for 5 minutes and be done go to the bathroom clean up and go to bed. Or i just give him a blow/ hand job . BUT when we first met the sex was wild and great for one month then i dont know what happened. I asked him why he never went down on me, fondled me, explore my body and everything. His response he is scared. REason is that when ever we had sex his dick would get little red bumps on it and the next day it would be gone. So he is afraid that he will get the rash on his face. But he doesn't relize that I barely get wet during sex so the friction is causing that redness. I want him to explore me and make me feel wanted and sexy but lately he's been on the computer masturbating or working leaving me to take care of the daily chores and taking care of our son.
cant afford it now. his investor for his company just pulled out and now we have 1500 to our name until things get better. our rent is 800 pluselectric is 200 so really we are pretty much fucked
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you aren't going to find the help you need here. What you need is couples counceling whether you can afford it or not. And it's not about you and him anymore. It's about making a loving home for your son, and it's up to you both to do that. YOU'RE OBLIGATED TO DO THAT. The bad sex probably comes from the tension of a new baby and a tough job situation or something other than bumps on his root.
Oh boy, absolutely... (Congratulations on becoming a mother!) If you guys aren't married, then I am sure you can get some public assistance, my cousin did before she and her son's father got married, even though they did live together and he supported her financially. Most likely you and the little guy will qualify for health insurance, and if not, I know a bunch of the hospitals in Jersey offer Charity Care, all you have to do is show them a bank statement and some easily obtainable other paperwork stuff. With Charity Care, you can get counseling here, but I don't know if this is a nationwide practice... Don't think lightly about counseling... You're someone's mommy now, you are like God to that tiny baby. I'm doing research on emotional abuse in small children and adolescent mental illness for my Women's Studies class, and it is just scary how an infant's developing mind can process the atmosphere of their home environment... Before the age of 7, the age when logical thinking begins developing, infants to small children are very egocentric, and when something is going on with other people around them, they haven't really developed that sense of independent, individual nature yet... In other words, even as a tiny tiny baby, this baby senses what is going on between mommy and daddy, knows they are not happy, and they may begin to feel responsible or something... Crazy huh? I'm so sorry if this is such a heavy post, but this is an issue close to my heart... Like the other posters said, this is SUCH a common scenario with new parents and young couples, so I wouldn't obsess about it, but if this does continue months, definately try and be strong enough to take action. It's not just your mental health, but your baby's way into adulthood!!
