So my boyfriend of almost 4 years has 3 kids. They live with their mother and stay with us every other weekend. I really don't mind them... think I love them. The problem is the oldest (12) doesn't know when to stop eating!!! He weighs more than his dad. This bothers me because when he's with us, his dad lets him eat everything the boy wants: three cheesburgers and half a bag of chips(for one meal!!!), including unlimited amounts of soda throughout the day! It bothers me soo much cuz I feel bad for the kid, worried about his health and mental well being. The dad lets him because he feels bad that he doesn't get to spend much time with him. Next week we're all going camping for a week and I know the food issue will get out of control. If anyone has any short term solutions or long term I'm listening! I suggested to buy each kid one bag of chips and when they're gone, well that's it. I didn't get much feedback from dad, which means he probably doesn't like the idea. I realize it's not my kid, but neither parents really don't show any concern..
a start could be to offer healthier choices then burgers and chips. They don't offer what a body needs, so it may crave more, and when one isn't able to listen to the own body, one just eats anything. Try to offer cut pieces of vegetables or fruits, like tomatoes, carrots or apples for snack. Avoid things that contain too much fat, expecially fried stuff, and too much meat. Before the main meals, have a salad appetizer. It fills the stomach, has a lot of nutrients, but barely kalories. Avoid Fast Food. And for the soda, try changing it with a 50/50 mix of apple juice and carbonated water, or fruit tees (can also be enjoyed with a sip of juice and cold) Talk to your man! Let him compensate his absence not with spoiling his son with food. Food as compensations is always a bad Idea. If he feels guilty, he should compensate either with spending more time, or doing special activities. He should go on adventures, to distract the kid from eating.
First I would teach with setting a good example. And talk to your BF and let him know how you feel about it! Thats very important imo. And then I would slowly just stop offering junk food...not letting it even be an option. But I would go about it slowly so he doesn't feel deprived. I hope things get better!
Just exactly what I was going to say! slowly is the word. If you can make eating healty foods appealing rather than making the junk foods off limits, you just might win the battle for the long run. Dieting will make him feel bad about himself and feel like he is being deprived, which will only lead to more unhealthy eating habits. Help him to get excited about exercize by finding things he likes to do. Keep lots of fruits and healthy snacks around the house instead of chips and soda.
Yeah, it's bad if he feels deprived. Good nutrition is always about choices, and not leaving off. For every bad thing, there is a healthy choice. And the secret is, to make the kid like the healthy things better. (With all the flavor enhancers in the junk food, this is kind of difficult, because the taste buds are so used to a "STRONG" flavour. But, you can try, using a very spicy cuisine, like arabian, or mexican.
Poor kid! And good for you for being a concerned adult in his life. All of the suggestions here are great. Maybe you could talk to him about whats in the junky food he's consuming and why its bad. He's old enough to understand and it might just stick in his head. Make him your partner in choosing healthy foods, have him help you read labels in the store, have him help prepare the foods. Get him involved in a casual way and one that will not seem like you are trying to be his parent. Hope it works out for all of you. Thats a tough spot to be in.
Poor kid. But aside from teaching from example, there isn''t much you can do. These children have two parents, and interference is not going to be taken well, by your bf, the children's mother, or the kid himself. I've seen nasty things erupt when the girlfreind tries to "raise" an other womyn's children, or make changes in the way the children are raised. What is going to happen is anger from the children's mother, and first and last, you want to have a decent relationship with her. (I'd venture a guess that this is more important than what the child eats.) I'd lead by example, serve good, healthy food when they are at your house, and leave it at that. Mamas are pretty MamaBearish when some other womyn is "raising" their kids, especially if she would rather not have it that way. I'd be very respectful. A few years ago, a womyn on the board I used to be on decided to "educate" her bf's exwife about "healthy food." Sending her articles about nutrition, telling the kids how unhealthy their diet was, ect. The ex and the womyn's bf got so upset, that the relationship ended. (The bf was not only angry himself (although he said he wasn't', at first) but he didn't want any more discord with the mother of the children he loved so much.) I'd take it slow, and respect the fact that this child has two parents already, and the raising of these children (unless of course there is actual abuse involved, and this is NOT that) is up to their parents. I'm assuming your instincts are correct on this. Do you usualy buy the food when the two of you go on an outing, or does he? How does you bf feel about your "input" on the raising of his kids? (Just asking because I have step parents myself and it is a situation approached with kid gloves.) When a man is saying nothing, it doesn't mean he isn't thinking something. Don't forget, they are his children. How long have you been dating this man?
Thanks everyone! I'm not trying to run any kinda interference with their mom. I'm going to try to do the healthy eating on a subtle, gradual level like ya'll suggested! I thought I was leading a good example, but I know I can do better... and it will benefit us all. I'm gonna check some websites on yummy alternatives,and take it from there. Oh and yes, my bf does the shopping for the house. I usually have to go and buy my food because he's soo set in his ways(what he's been buying all his life). He'll ask me every week if there's anything I want from the store, but the items I write down, he has a hard time finding. So I'm better off shopping for myself. Perhaps I'll start with a couple of items for him to get and I'll write down what isle and location. Thanks again for the input
guess i'm bankin on the idea that he might like it enough to tell his mom. then maybe she'll try it. if anything, when he gets older and is really into his own, he might remember the alternatives that were introduced to him.
If you do it on a subtle level, it's always worth a try. I mean nobody will start a fight about you offering cut apples instead of chips. And about your boyfriend: Why not go shopping together? This is what I do with mine, because when he shops the cart will be full of candy, and pudding *nudgenudge*
He says anything i have to offer is helpful. There's absolutely no disipline with them really. sometimes they test their limits with their dad and when he's "backed in a corner", i step in. the older 2 understand and listen to me. i've had trouble with the youngest one... she'll say that i don't love her because i'm the one who doesn't let her get away with crap. i tell her i do love her and i'm not doing it to be mean, but she's got to listen... for her own good.
