I want to leave him

i dunno, universities tend to be pretty cozy with pharmaceutical companies. do you remember which university?

i tend to recoil from the idea of paharmaceuticals in treatment of most mental health issues, mainly because of my own experience. i have known people who heeded drugs - in my dad's case, i think he is dependent on the drugs, and i think he actually enjoys the medical attention he gets taking them. (this is actually a bit of a problem. he's on a huge number of medications, enjoys "playing with them" counting them out & sorting them, and is always trying to get his doc to prescribe something else. he occaisionally tries to give them away, or treat other people's every day boo-boos and injuries with his own presciption meds, not just the prozac.) so that definately isn't healthy. on the other hand, he's (for the most part) stopped going into blind rages over trifles as long as he's taken his pill. could he be healed without the drugs? maybe, maybe not, i don't know. is he willing to do the work necessary? no, he's not, and as long as he's taken his pill & isn't frightening my kids with his explosions of rage, or creeping them out with his "i'm-going-to-drag-you-down-with-me" depressions, i'll accept that he "needs" his pills. but i think that they are grossly over-prescribed, and that problems like depression and anxiety/panic are under-treated, or not treated in the best way they could be.

 

listen to the song walk away by Ben Harper....

 

oh trish

i love you too

 

trish dont luv no crummy's

 

yes, i love all of you.

 

Interval,

I understand totally. An abusive partner can bring you down bit by bit, so slowly that you don't see it happening. It starts out with little things, cut downs, now and then. You start to wonder if they're right about some things. You start to question your mind and thoughts. You come to believe that you're not worth much. It's a form of long term brainwashing. Leaving is scary because you don't know what's next and you figure you're going to get the same treatment from others and at least a bad relationship is familiar. Also a person who is crappy to you can also be absolutely wonderful when they turn nice. That's how they keep you confused. I do not have a partner like that but I did have a parent who made me think I had some form of mental retardation. It took years to get myself back. Go to a search engine and type in Dysfunctional. Mental abuse. Controling partners. Then just read read read. It took me four years of researching and learning to get out of the mindset that I was in. I'm finally free, but occasionally I get stuck in the past. I will never be completely free every moment- always kind of looking over my shoulder -but things are so much better than they were.
Good luck, sweetie

-Pedata

 

I agree kitty_fabulous, the meds dont fix the actual problem, they just give you the strength and the courage to work your way through the big picture. People shouldnt expect the meds to 'fix' their problems, merely to help them.

 

if meds make you feel better, then take them. i'll agree that they seem to be overrated though, and instead of helping me, they just made me feel sleepier and shittier. (i took prozac, effexor, lexapro, and some others, although i can't remmber what they were.) i would caution that if you have trouble with substance abuse, you might want to be wary of taking too many antidepressants/anti anxiety meds.my sister just got out of drug rehab about a month ago. her addiction started when her dr prescribed ativan for her anxiety attacks. she has been taking them for nearly 20 years now, and has moved on to other things (zanax, mainly).
back on topic- i would agree that the first step is to drag yourself out of the house and do something, anything. get a job, or go to the dr, or whatever. i am lucky to say that i have never been in an abusive relationship, but i can relate on some levels.

i have always been depressed and anxious, and also have gone back ond forth with an eating disorder for many years. i know what it is like to feel like you sort of don't care if you live or die. you can get over those feelings though. i still struggle with my problems, but they seem manageable now, which makes all the difference in the world.

i also have had my share of marital troubles. my husband and i were together 4 years, prior to getting married. everything was great. we got married, and things started to slowly go downhill. about a year and a half into our marriage, we were on the brink of divorce. i would attribute many of our problems to being young and immature. at any rate, we both decided that we truly cared enough to try to work things out, and we have. we've been married just over 4 years now, and we are really happier than ever. again it can be done, but as someone said, both parties have to be sincere about wanting to work things out. and, as with most anything, it doesn't happen overnight.

if i had to pinpoint the thing that lead to my personal or marital recovery (for lack of a better word), it would be just deciding that i had enough. once you start taking action, you get the ball rolling.

 

thank you again everyone for all your great advice. you are such wonderful people....

 

I am not wonderful, just a cunninglinguist.

 

You're not weird, I'm the same way and I know others that are too. You're right though it is hard.



interval, I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time and that your husband is not being very supportive. I'm sure it is stressful for him too, but he should not put you down, no one chooses to have anxiety.
My advice is to try to cut back on the drinking (no easy feat I'm sure) and maybe start exercising, it can help with depression and will give you more self esteem and energy. Spending time outside in nature helps too. If you can get your depression under control then you could hold down a job and support yourself and you wouldn't feel so dependent on your husband. I'm not saying you should leave him, I don't know enough about it, but just knowing that you can is a good feeling, at least then you know you're not trapped. You should do something about it though, I hate to see people fall apart, you can turn it around. You know it's worth it.