Previous Relationships effects on new ones

How much do your previous relationships effect new ones that you are in? Do you feel somewhat scarred?

I personally do. I struggle tremendously with opening up to someone. I've had five women in my life whom I've loved deeply. The first four ended up leaving me for other men. Because of that, I now have a tremendously difficult time opening up to someone and investing myself, which unfortunately isn't fair to whomever I am dating, which probably worsens the chances of the relationship lasting. The fifth one was most recent and I had a very difficult time opening up to her and giving of myself, I was more guarded than I've ever been. Well, she threatened to leave me for another man because she wasn't getting what she wanted from me and I bolted. I really didn't want to, but know myself well enough that I just would always fear her doing what the previous four loves did.

I'm honestly not looking for advice here. I'm really not. I know how I need to put the past behind me and truly give of myself when I fall in love again for it to last. So honestly, I'm not looking for advice.

I'm just interested if others here have a similar difficulty like me in whatever way shape or form. Do you feel scarred? or the more popular term these days 'damaged goods'?

 

no, not damaged goods because each relationship has taught me very much about what is love, what isn't love and about myself. i am not scarred in that it will keep me from giving myself to the next one...i am more choosy over who that person is simply because with each relationship and its end i see what it is i want in my partner and what i will absolutely not deal with. so all my relationships have helped to shape me for the person that will allow me to be their lover and who will be mine.

 

I have trust issues. My biggest fear in a relationship is finding out the person I fell in love with isn't that person.

My first love (and first person I ever had sex with) did all sorts of things behind my back, including cheating on me before we even ever had sex. He was into drugs and I wasn't at the time. He kept things from me and I hated that. I share my thoughts, feelings, what I'm doing. I hide nothing. I give the relationship my all and expect the same. Granted we were young but that experience really made me realize what I don't want in a relationship.

 

I have figured out why past relationships have failed, and i wish that i could change it. I came to the realization that i have a fear of trusting someone enough to allow myself to be completely honest about all of me. I have bi-polar disorder, but i am on medication so most people wouldnt even know i had it. But i have told past boyfriends upfront about the disorder, and they would get freaked out and we'd break up. It made me feel like something was wrong with me, so i stopped telling anyone i dated the huge important things that have happened to me. When i feel a relationship is getting to involved i get scared they'll find out who i really am and leave. So, i always break things off. I want to be able to date someone who i feel comfortable sharing every detail of me with, i need to feel loved, and i need to be able to trust them. So, i guess what i am trying to say is yes past relationships have really affected new relationship.

 

my issue with past relationships has mostly to do with the person im with and THEIR past relationships. he never really wants to talk about them (which i can understand) but I wish he would because I want to know why they didn't work. the only thing I know for sure about his past relationships is how hot all his friends say his ex girlfriend was

 

I have found that I know more of what I want and that I won't try to date someone like the last guy. I will never regret what I had with the previous guy just be more careful about what to want form the new relationship.

 

i pretty much give up. seems i get into the same relationship over and over. the guy claims he needs me, likes me for who i am and so on. then once they have me, they try to change me or they slip in the "oh i guess i should tell you this now." really sucks because i hate being alone. probably why i've had such bad relationships in the past too. i tend to jump into things. bad idea.

just going to wait until i find the yin to my yang .. if i haven't already

 

it had a huge effect of my last relations.