My fiance's mother can be the nicest person on Earth, but she has this tendency to try to micromanage everyone. And it's getting on my nerves! Zach will bitch at her and call her names, tell her to shut-up, and for the longest time I got pissed at him for doing that, but no more, because she seriously deserves it. She's bossy as hell, and she thinks that if she is older than someone she knows more than them. This is even with people she is only a YEAR older than! In fact, she thinks she knows more than Zach (my fiance) and I, despite the fact that him and I both go to college (something she never did) and have very high IQs. She even tried to tell us both what to major in! There are other things... 1. She knows I'm veg, but she insists that since I work somewhere where meat is served that that automatically means that I eat the meat that is served there! Then, when I tell her no and that she is wrong, her only response is "oh". She does this with a bunch of stuff, both with me and Zach. She just absolutely hates it that we do things our own way and have our own beliefs. 2. Talks to Zach and I like we are both five years old and tries to run our lives. 3. Micromanages the lives of her brothers and their wives. She'll even go to their houses and tell them they need to clean, won't leave until they do, and then SUPERVISES them! 4. Tells people how to raise and discipline their kids. Once, Zach's aunt gave his baby cousin a piece of cake, and Zach's mom told her that she HAD TO take it away from her. This is why Zach and I never discuss how we're planning to raise our kids with her. 5. Tries to tell Zach and I what we should do for hobbies, vacations, you name it. There is a lot more, but you get the idea. My major fear is that when Zach and I have kids, she'll try to tell us how to raise them. Our kids are going to be raised vegan, they will be breastfed, and we will co-sleep and homeschool. I am afraid his mom will feed them animal products and say horrible things to them when they visit! I don't want her to deny her grandchildren, but I don't want her to pull any bullshit either. This must stop before Zach and I have kids.
Goodluck honey, i feel a little like my m-i-l doesnt respect how i want to bring up Eden, only in as few thing, like i am going to sterilise his milk bottles till he is one, whick is not only reccomended but my brother nearly died at the age eden is now when a tummy bug ended up twisting his gut, he had an op and was fine but nearly died and i wont risk that, i mean he chews everything so i dont sterilise dummies but milk has some nasty germs grow in it sometimes and im not going to risk his life, you know, and cos shes a healthvisitor she seems to think she cant possibly be wrong on childcare issues, and the other day she starts saying how shes worrying we arnt feeding him enough lumps, he eats all sorts, lumps, bumps lentils toast, hes fine, but it makes me feel like im not trusted to look after him, grrrrrrrrr, shes usually great, but sometimes you just wanna say.... BUTT OUT, lol you'll figure it out when the time comes.xxxxx
you poor girl..i have the mother in law from hell as well. she thinks that she is going to take me and my fiances kids when we have them...uh well i told her she wasnt and asked her why and she said because i would be the worst mother in the world...my fiance defends me every time against her but i know how you feel...she also told me its illegal to have an unassisted pregnancy and have kids at home...well i told her she couldnt be there when i have my kids but my mom will....see dear its not just you having probs with mom in laws....mine is a pathalogical liar and tells her own parents stuff about my fiance that is so wrong it makes me want to cry for him....but i feel ya sweetie
work this out with Zach NOW. You'll need common ground when these issues come up. She will involve herself. I'd say move at least three hours away to avoid drop ins and use that caller ID. sweet dread lover, why not have check ups while preggers?
I can't answere for sweetdreadlover, but I can say from my experience that Im also a home birther and I do not do check-ups while pregnant. Its very much a personal preference really. If you educated yourself, you know what to look for and you can moniter things yourself. I monitered my own BP, urine and at the end of pregnancy checked my own cervix and baby's presentation.(urine sticks are available to buy through homebirth supply stores) Homebirthers want the LEAST amount of intervention and with conventional prenatal care there are many interventions. And we (homebirthers) know that intervention leads to complication. The blood tests have an extreamly alarming rate of false resluts which leads to undue stress on mother and child while leading to...you guessed it, MORE INTERVENTION. Those are just a few of my rabling thoughts on the issue To the OP~~ My MIL has done many wonderful things for my dh and I but her and I couldn't be more oppisite of eachother. She is very judgemental of my spiritual path which I just don't get. If you are practicing a relgion that teaches love,respect,honesty,and basic greater good... How can it be so bad? My advice would be to put your foot down. Espesially in the child rearing department. I have had to. My MIL thinks we are crazy... Homebirthing, extended nursing (tandem nursing!) not vaccinating the kids, co-sleeping ect. Heaven forbid we love our children and treat them with respect *rolling eyes* Good luck and thanks to all for listening to my voice deep within cyber space
I agree with those who are saying to make space for your bf and your self NOW! You will not and cannot change her. She's a control freak and there is nothing you can do about that. But you can make damn sure than when you have children she knows, with NO doubt that YOU are the baby's mother and what you say goes for the baby. That means making some space, NO FREE BABY SITTING (it amazes me the people who have controlling mothers or MILS and still use them for "free" baby sitting and them complain about how the children are treated) (she can't feed them animal products if she is never alone with them ) and living a healthy distance from her. You can't change her, you can only change the way you respond to her. You will NOT "teach" her anything, about diet or pregnancy or relationships or anything else, so don't even bother. Just make sure you and your man have time to yourselves, NEVER borrow money from her (about the worst thing you can do, worse than letting her baby sit) and be your own couple, FREE from her. You don't need to "tell" her you are doing this, just do it. And when you have kids, LIMIT her access to them. I have to limit my Own mother's access to my kids and to my family, or she'd be attempting to run the show. There is nothing wrong with saying, "Sorry, you can't come over today, it isn't good for us." Or even turning her away at the door if she "just shows up." Be firm, it is all you can do. You and your man deserve your own life together. It is not up to you to "educate" her or anything else. Just make BOUNDRIES. STRONG ones. Good luck.
because in my own personal beliefs its not something that needs to be treated like a disease ather something enjoyable to go through...and i also dislike doctors very much...the farthestr i would ever go as far as check ups would be would be a midwife. my own personal beliefs which my own mil cant understand i guess
I understand exactly were you are coming from. My MIL is very judgemental of the way we choose to raise our kids. I would say move further away too, but I know from experience that isn't always possible. To make things worse my husband calls her EVERYDAY and tells her our events of the day. If the kids fall and hurts themselves, he tells her. He tells her when we are short on cash, (imagine that having 5 kids and being short on cash) and she tells us we must be spending money on things we don't need. She asks other family members what we are doing and then asks us the same thing to make sure the story is the same. It is rediculous. We told her we were going to dread our toddlers hair and she freaked. Best part is it wasn't really our plan, but we wanted to see her flip out...ahhh it was great. I think my issue is trying to get my husband to distance himself a little from her, but if he doesn't talk to her everyday she will call the house every 5 minutes, she will call him at work, page him on his work pager, call the cell phone. And if he doesn't respond she starts calling the rest of the family looking for him. Good luck with this one...I guess look on the bright side, you don't have kids yet.
AB, get caller ID. Your MIL needs a hobby. Yeah, things like food, and laundry detergent and gas, y'know, all that unimportant stuff. I guess you have sat down with him and asked him to be more discreet? My dh used to be like this, and it drove me nuts. He did eventually stop, after we had some heart to hearts about this being OUR life, not hers. Also, everything that went wrong was blamed on our parenting, and I think he finally did get sick of it. I had to sit down with her and come right out and say, "This is our life. We are not judging you by doing things differently that you did. But these are our children, and this is our home and this is our marraige and we will run all of them the way we see best. YOU had your chance, and I am sure you did the best you could with the information you had. But we have made some different choices, and if you want continued contact with us and the kids, the prying has got to stop." And them we severely limted contact with my mil and fil for a while. It worked with my MIL, it has not worked with my mother. Go figure. Good luck.
Good thing knowing my mother wont be a problem. I don't know what to do about the her. Tell her you don't care what she has to say?
I work with someone just like your mother-in-law! Being a very keep-my-feelings-to-myself kind of person, she totally takes advantage of that and loves to tell me what to do, she thinks she has the most wisdom, when I know half the crap she says makes no sense! but with the way I am, I just seem to keep my mouth shut, and it drives me crazy! one of these days I'm going to grow a set of balls(hopefully not literally!lol) and let her have it when she starts pushing me around! I know if I do she'd leave me alone! people like your mother-in-law need to be put in their place and told what to do for a change, or they will continue bossing others around. Don't be like me, voice your opinons let her know your not like others and won't put up with her crap, sometimes all these people need is for it to be said once and they'll know where the boundaries are. don't be afraid to tell her exactly how you feel, she obviously doesn't when shes going around telling people they need to clean their house!
