drunken stories

woooopsies...sorrrrry

 

apparently I urinated in a garbage can one night. Don't remember it, but my friend was in the bathroom almost all night throwing up. I also flashed my other friend repeatedly, and she flashed me, and I think we lifted each others breasts to see who had a larger set (she did, which was obvious by visual inspection when sober)

I haven't gotten that drunk since then, thank goodness

 

it was a few months ago and I was sitting on my couch with matthew and we were drinking some everclear and orange juice and I went for the cup and some went in my mouth and i just lost it and threw up everywhere, the couch, myself, the table...and here i am just laughing away..and then i try to clean it up and i had ran into the kitchen and slipped on the rug and fell and it felt as though i broke my ass...so I laid there and matthew cleaned it up and i felt so embarrassed i actually cried, I mean like cried cried...yeah, great times...

 

heres one...its not about me,, but still pretty funny.

we went up to montreal for the night. we went to few bars and strip clubs. and we ended up going back the irish pub we went into at the beginning of the night. we ended up staying untill they closed. we stayed until they finished cleaning up. so we decide to drive back that night (morning) and we had to get some gas. well, the owner of the car gets out at the gas station and proceeds to get the squeegy. he squeegies his windsheild and then raises the squeegy and hits the windshield. he repeats hitting the windshield multiple times and it ended up cracking the windshield. we were all drunk and laughing our asses off while he was doing this. we didn't even try to stop him. it was a great night.

...i miss that car

 

Picture this....


It was my sisters wedding night, there were many drinks. At one point in time I went to take a picture and the camera was laying beside the ashtray.. I picked up the ashtray and was trying to take a picture. Finally someone noticed my mistake. After an Adios Motherfucker (some weird shot that was my last for the night) they decided I needed to go to bed since everyone else was, but I wanted to get online. I said some strange things to my sister such as, "Go to www.stoptalking.com!" So, my sisters husband had me lay down on the bed in hopes I would pass out, but I didn't. I silently followed him out of the room and down the hall. I made it for the front door and decided I was going home. They caught me, so I kept walking. Turns out the front yard was really just one big hill. So, I started falling down the hill and I grabbed for whatever I could find. A tree... the branch and I both tumbled down the hill. I stood up and walked directly into the front of a police car. My sister had pulled her car down and was going to take me home. I didn't say a word and slipped into the back of the car. I let my sister do the talking. I also bled on her makeup bag. :/ She took me home, I got online, and then passed the fuck out.


Later I found out that this tree that I grabbed was a prize winning Myrtle Tree that had been in the neighbourhood for a loooooong time. They had to call in a tree specialist. That shit only happens to me. :/

 

hmmm whaere to start

usually when i black out i lose my pants and/or piss myself

i dont even feel like typing