After spending a few weeks with my family and them telling me that everything I do is basically a screw up, I realised it's true. I constantly think of myself as a tool to getting what I want. I do drugs as just a thing to do if I'm bored. I don't even like the way I feel when I'm high. I don't like not being in control. Does being high give me those few minutes where it doesn't matter? I have numerous health problems yet I still do this stupid shit. I treat myself like some cheap slut. At 19 I've had 10 sex partners only one of which I was actually with. I was raised with the belief that sex is just sex and there's nothing special about it, but I am really starting to feel like shit about it. I have a reputation now! All the guys I sleep with basically see me as a pussy(I think, I've never actually asked) I miss the feeling of making love with someone you actually care about, when there are feelings involved. For once I just want to know what it feels like to be complete. I've never had that time to just be me. When I was younger I diagnosed with neurosis(in my hands and spine, a nerve condition which basically means I have a lot of pain and numbness throughout my body) and now I really think I'm destructing because I never had the chance to be a kid. I go days without sleeping, eating, and spend all my time out partying. I'm not living for myself. I wake up in the morning and am bombarded(sp) by the fact that if I screw up I can say good-bye to the life I'm living. I am on full scholarship and one little mistake and I have no other options in my life. My life is taken up by school and the sport that I am honestly sick of, I'm being groomed to be this big star when all I want to do in my life is be happy. I'm way too uptight for a 19 year old! Anyone know anyways to just relax?
I'm really sorry to hear about the problems you are having. First of all, your family is being totally unfair to tell you that everything you do is wrong. My family is similar, and it has harmed my self-esteem greatly. You have survived a difficult life for 19 years, so you must be doing at least some things right. You have room for improvement, but so does everyone else. At the risk of being unpopular, I strongly recommend that you do whatever it takes to get off illegal drugs. They can only do you harm in the long run, and they are not a victimless, harmless crime like most people here think. You could try rehab or therapy, cold turkey, whatever... I think you will feel more in control of your life if you can beat that problem. I don't have all the answers and I don't know what you could do that would make you feel happier. Even if I could figure out what the answer is for me (and I don't think I can), it wouldn't be the same as the answer for you. But it helps me to talk about things. If you want to talk my AIM is on the left.
As opposed to being on some 'legal' drug that is often released to the public before all tests have been performed? Heard any recall stories lately? What about the lawsuits because granny's liver was shriveled up from the recently pulled med.? We should not really get into the effects these legal drugs have on people once they want off it, either. Because we all know, marijuana is killing thousands daily. Just remember, the side-effects of these legal drugs might include Irritable Bowel Syndrome, nausea, dry throat, swollen feet, diarrhea, headache and abdominal pain. Inexperienced smoker. You probably think you think too much while high? Nope, you aint thinkin enough. Think about it.
you sound like you need some anti depressants or something. just chill out and get your head straight....i dunno. do whatever you need to do to get on that level. i get what youre saying though. try to get yourself off the drugs to, just fuck with your head to much. save them for the weekends at least ^^dont listen to happyhippyflower either
I dont want this to sound harsh but it probably is.. you need to get over yourself really and maybe think you arent the only one who goes through shit.. you did all these actions to yourself through your own will... maybe if you stop blaming things for your mistakes or make excuses for them and stop feeling sorry for yourself, i am really sure you would be better off... people make mistakes and others arent perfect, so quite thinking you have to be.. I mean you say you are in pain all the time, yet you go out and party and yadda yadda.. maybe spend time with yourself a bit more and take care of yourself maybe you also would feel better... and with your full scholarship, i dont understand how this is a bad thing, people would kill to have a scholarship.. i dont feel sorry for you cause it sounds as though you did this all to yourself... grow up and realize your life could be worse...
It sounds like you need people around you who you can trust. Are you afraid you'd be rejected by people you'd want to hang out with, or do you have trouble finding people you trust? Sometimes just changing your environment helps, you can be a new person and let go of all the bad energy you built up dealing with people you couldn't trust. Do you know for sure the guys you hang out with think you're a slut? Ask them how they see you. It might just be a communication problem.
I wouldn't abandon drugs completely but maybe respect them a little more. They can all be pretty dangerous - legal and illegal - and they have a cumalative effect which is hard to see coming. Do be very careful with college. It's hard to get up and go again when you miss with your first shot. On the other hand, if you're not interested in what you're studying, and have an alternative plan, do that. If you don't have a plan, keep studying cos a degree will get you a lot of respect from prospective employers and just about everyone. It's very important to prove you can do something, because if you don't no one will let you do anything.
I do have a lot of problems trusting people. I don't know what it is but it takes me a lot of time to open up to people that I know. For example, my best friend of 12 years still says she doesn't know a lot of my different sides. Going across the world was really my chance to become me again, and believe it or not, I've improved a whole lot in how I think and feel about myself. I have a vacation coming up and get to spend some time with those I know don't judge me, so I'm looking forward to that. At this point school is really the only thing that I look forward to. I love my major more than anything and spend a lot of time thinking about the possible jobs that I could do. I recently went to the doctor for a routine physical, she said that I was just suffering from a rut of sorts. Being out of school really leaves me with nothing to do. Plus, I had my BC switched, so hormonal changes will definetly do it to someone.
After spending a few weeks with my family and them telling me that everything I do is basically a screw up, I realised it's true. I kind of know what you are going through but one thing you have to realize is that the above quote from you could be your problem, don't let any one tell you how you are wrong. Do you feel that you are wrong, before you were with your family? If this was your idea, then like me you seriously need time to simply reflect on yourself, find who you really are, and then when you find that peace within yourself, let the people around you, family and friends, know what you have found to be right and wrong. The answer to all your problems are within you, you just need the time to search for it. But that is only my humble opion, from my life, I dont even know you, but trust me I've overcome a great deal in my life as most of us have in way or another. Peace.
Slow partying, slow and maybe stop sex partners (only have sex with people who care about you) and stop drugs. Any specifics?
Well the first step to help yourself is admitting your problems... which you have done. If you dont like it... Change. I know its easier said then done, but its fair to say. Some day you just gotta say FUCK YOU to the people in your family that are basicly bringing you down and making you feel like shit. Im sure ther are alternatives to anti-depressants... that being said Ive had some similar problems, and I found the best way to cope with it was roll up a fat joint, light it up, and meditate... try it, it works... lol Best of luck... love ya
I'm sorry I did see and I had thought I replied but I'm having alot of problems with my computer. I really don't know why I think like that towards sex so suddenly. It went from sex being something that was just what I did, to now I feel kinda dirty when I sleep with my guy friends. I've slept with them before but if I've slept with them again recently it just feels different, slutty. It really all adds up to me just breaking up with my bf of 2 years. We broke up because he thought I was too close to my guy friends(I never cheated on him )and he believed I was using him for sex. Did your friend just go through a break up?
