I am wondering if any of you mama's, especially those with lots of little ones have any advice on stopping the sibling rivalry. My oldest three have been spending their entire day bickering, tattling, bossing, you name it. They are more worried about what the other ones are doing then themselves. Is there any thing I can do to encourage loving one another as family. I swear they treat their friends better than they treat each other. I am really concerned because I had planned to start homeschooling, but it seems that the more time they spend together the more they fight. Please any advice to restore the peace would be greatly appreciated.
how old and what are the genders of your kids? I was 5 when my baby bro was born. I hated him from day 1 and I didn't like him until about 3 years ago when I moved out. The only thing that helped when I lived at home was when mom would plan a day "just for big girls" and take me out. I got to do something he didn't and it was special between me and mom. she also did that with him and did stuff "just for boys". I didn't care because I didn't want any part of boy things. So we each got to feel for 1 day out of the week/month that we were mom's favorite. The hard part was the bragging we each did after the day was done to the other to make them feel jeaous. :& but I hope that idea helps! We were the definition of sibling rivalry.
me and my bro are two years apart , and have a really soild relationship since i was born, i think what helped us get along was that we are both quite chill people and are not very agressive and when we were growing up he was the only one who took care of me on a day by day basis, i think that helped a lot and my mom would sometimes make tresure hunts that we do together and i always like to follow my brother and copy him and he did't mind he also made games that we could play together like making forts and i like watching him play games too so we always got along and when every we did't we would never fight but talk about instead that could be from becuse our parents always used to fight and we did't want to be like them but to have good sybling relationships is to have a very good older sybling to make the relationship happen
I think that fighting and some forms of aggression are quite normal for siblings. I have three sibling, and I remember us fighting constantly. Besides some violence issues with my one brother, we never had serious problems. With our siblings, we can test bounderies that we couldn't test with other people, because for siblings there is always something a greater then the feeling of right now. No matter how much they are mad at each other right now, siblings usually know in their hearts, they together are part of something bigger, the family.
I feel ya! Our two 6-year-olds fight like there's no tomorrow. They drive me insane. They don't realize that they don't have to spend every waking moment together! They are also VERY jealous and competitive. I just started reading this book called "Our Classroom. We Can Learn Together" by Chick Moorman and Dee Dishon. I found it at the library on the "free" shelf, so evidently I'm the only person who thinks it is an awesome book! The main points of the book are geared toward a classroom, but I think it could also apply very well toward a family. That is how I'm approaching the material because we also homeschool and I want our kids to work together. The authors' goal is to explain to the reader how to establish unity, togetherness, and cooperation in the classroom (or home). Some of the principles described are similar to unschooling. One of the ideas is to have the kids work on a project together. The oldest taking on roles that are appropriate for him/her, and down the line, with the youngest actively participating. They are working as a team for a common goal. Another~the kids help make decisions for the family/household/group rules. "Students who perceive the rules as "our" rules are more likely to follow them." Another idea that I really liked (I'd have to alter it in some ways) is to have answers to problems (math problems, for example) posted. After the child finishes her problems, she checks the answers on her own. This is supposed to encourage learning rather than putting the focus on having the right answers. They monitor and take ownership of their own work. Anyway~that's just a hodgepodge of stuff that's in the book. I haven't finished it yet, but I've gotten a lot of good ideas that will hopefully help my girls work together instead of always competing with each other. We'll see! I'm planning on having a "family meeting" next week to get things started. Maybe you can find the book at your library or on amazon. I really like it. I'll let you know if anything works.
when my kidlets (6 and 9 years old) get that way with each other, i try to get them set up with seperate activities for an hour or two. Jake will play on the xbox, Juliet on her computer... or Jake will go call on his neighbourhood friends and play with them for a while, Juliet will call on her friends. it doesn't always work, but it works enough that it's the old stand-by for when they won't stop arguing with each other. a break from each other that doesn't feel like a break or time out, etc, to them (i've tried just time outs, obvious breaks from each other and it just seems to make them more cranky). -z
I grew up in a relatively close family, and my brothers and I used to fight a lot anyway. We loved each other and did a lot of things together- play Magic, videogames, make jokes, talk- but we'd still get on each other's nerves. It was the worst with my brother Erich. Oh man, did he tick me off sometimes! The problem with us was that we were so similar in some ways, and so greatly different in other ways, that we'd end up clashing over stupid things. Our similarities often worked against us- we were both bright, but very, very stubborn, which made us both good arguers. Which meant that we could win arguments against most people, but when we got together, the arguement could go on for hours. Arguements over really stupid, pointless things. Growing up did the best for us. We eventually just learned to avoid those topics that made us want to rip at each other's throats.
I have three little ones. A 5 year old son and 2 year old twins, both a boy and a girl. Let me tell you, the competition between those kids sometimes drives me nuts. None of them want each other to be with me. They want me all to themself. For instance, I'll be holding my twin daughter on my lap, and if my twin son catches sight of it, he immediately tears over to us and tries to rip his sister off my lap, grabs her hair and shouts "MY MOMMY!" Same goes for if my twin son is cuddling up with me and my twin daughter sees. Then there's my oldest son. Look out. It's so hard to divide equal amounts of attention to all of them without one or another getting jealous. Plus, my twins are at the age where only mommy will do. Daddy and other family members try to pitch in and give me a break, but it only ends in hysterical sobbing babies yelling "MOMMY, MOMMY!" and running to me with out-stretched arms. You'd think they'd get sick of me! When they start to bicker to the point where I've had enough, I usually just seperate them and get them involved in seperate activities for a while. I won't say that it's a punishment, I'll act as though it's a positive, fun thing. I'll tell my oldest that he can take some of his special toys that he doesn't get to play with that often upstairs with him and will be able to play without his little brother and sister tearing them apart. Then I'll engage my twins in seperate activities. It usually works, and they calm down after the break.
