a bird should always fly thru clouds and trees above mountains free a bird should alway fly beauty is caged with clipped wings captured and kept for selfish pleasure a bird should always fly that is why I cry for her
i hate to say this but i wasn't going to comment anyones poems because i wanted mine to stay at the top so i could maybe get a few comments and i don't know if that's the selfish thirteen year old in me but i can't help but comment. beautiful.
Thanks for the kind words. Sylvan, I appreciate your observation, rhythm means alot to me and I am glad to hear that I did it well. Thanks again lol, at least no one responded with a counter poem, i hate that =)
I hate to be the bad guy... but it just wasnt a good poem in my eyes. I would like to see more rhymthem, and more structure. I love the words used in it though, and it was good enough for me to post on... usually when I dont like a poem I just move on to the next one, but this one I felt has a lot more potential to be a great one. Good Job, and thanks for sharing ^_^
care to explain more structure? or rythmn? Im not being defensive of it, its written the way its written and will not change, but I would like to know more of what you mean.
structure... more lines to excentuate the true meaning of what u are saying, to DESCRIBE more I guess is what Im trying to get at, and use more vivid words. Rhythem... with a better Rhythem, it can make the poem more fun to read as well as help out the other areas of the poem. Its a good poem, Im not trying to say it isnt =) And im sorry if you feel like im putting it down too much
very smooth. reminds me of a deaf tone song. i forget the title...but the imagery was of a woman lying down on a glass bed getting her wings clipped. cheers
no I dont feel that way at all. as far as "structure" by your definition, that is the one thing i hate in a poem, I hate too many lines, i hate over description. I dont feel the need to make someone read for 5 minutes to feel what I am saying. I like to use few words, short lines. As far a rythmn, I guess that is interpretive. The rythym reads fine to me, but to each his own I guess. thanks for the criticism.
