Is it okay to be the "person on the side"?

Just wondering what peoples opinions are on this. I've always thought that if you're not the one with the obligation, then you're not the one responsible... More recently my views are leaning the other way. But I'm curious what other people think.

(oh, I should clarify. I'm not in this siutation myself. I was discussing it with my friends and thought I'd get some more opinions about it)

 

It's not okay,for me. I've never so much as held hands with a taken guy. I may not have an obligation to his girlfriend/wife,but I would be just as at fault if I knew about it. I couldn't hurt another woman like that.

 

Be the one on the botom! *L* A much better viewpoint from which to watch my lover enjoy herself.
In the sense that you meant, my standards and those among my communal family in the old days in the Haight were that as long as no dishonest/deciet were involved and all involved were friends and aware and OK with it, no harm/no bad.
If this is not the situation with you and your lover then it might be wise to pause and consider that dishonesty/deciet on his part may very well sooner or later make you it's target.
*Good Luck & HUGS*

 

Taken guys don't really turn me on.
Hurting the other female is not a holdback to me, frankly if i was in her situation, it wouldn't be the "other woman" who bothered me, it would be him (true - HE has an obligation to me and she's just minding her life).
I'm not prejudiced so I can't tell for sure if I would get involved with someone already involved with someone else... My morality is kinda twisted however like i mentioned, it's rather difficult for a taken guy to get to me (or to my hormones).

 

If I don't know the other guy and his girl wants to do something I will do it. If I do know the guy and he's a friend of mine I wouldn't.

 

I think that if the persons married, then I woudln't go there at all. I they're not married then I think a person has a fighting chance to prove that the one they like is making a mistake. As for lust, just fuck someone who happens to have a gf... then I'm still on the fence. (assuming it isn't an outright seduction)

 

If they're taken in any way, and if you're looking for anything more than just a cheap fuck, how stupid do you gotta be to go for that person? I mean, once a cheater, always a cheater. If you steal him (or her) from another woman (or man), what does that say about his (or her) morals? I will never have any sympathy for a person who steals someone away then gets upset when that person move on to or cheats with someone else.

If you're just looking for a cheap fuck, there are plenty of single people out there. Again, what comes around goes around -- if you screw around with someone who is taken, never ever expect sympathy from me when you get cheated on in the future.

(And, to the original poster, I'm using the generic "you", I realize you're not talking about a situation you're in yourself.)

 

::nods::

 

Well it's happened to me. Except I wasn't supposed to know that he had a girlfriend. I'm really quite good at lying to myself. My only consolation was that she's prude as fuck. I mean, they've been going out for at least four months and they haven't done more than make out. Absolutely ridiculous.

And he is hot as FUCK. So if she's not gonna bone him, then I will. I didn't want a relationship with him, because I didn't trust him. I just wanted his BALLS.

 

I was once in a similar situation, but i stopped it because I felt really guilty. I just kept thinking, If I was this guys girlfriend and he was cheating on me, i'd go fucking nuts and I think it's out of order. At the end of the day.... it takes 2 to tango

 

Could you be a bit more specific? Since your post is the opener of this thread, you didn't leave enough information about your situation for me to offer any comment or advice. And, under those circumstances, it wouldn't be fair for me to comment specifically on your situation.

Having said that, I do believe, as an out-of-the-closet practitioner of polyamory, that all parties in a relationship involving more than two people must know about each other and be comfortable with it, in order for such relationships to work. And that requires open and honest communications between all parties.

--Skeeter

 

Dig it ranger, hit that on spot. If your causeing harm, your doing wrong, it comes down to being an acsesory to a crime and people go down for that, besides you think hes not lieing to you too? please, get a clue
damn whatever happened to ethics,

 

Ethics ain't nothin' but peer pressure these days...

 

no it's wrong but that's not why. I would never be in a relationship where I was not put first, there's enough guys out there who are nice and single so why in the world would i want to be with anyone who was more interested in someone elses feelings than my own?

 

^I agree with this.

 

umm wow ...

this is complicated...

I would say no, or yes... it depends..

 

Personally, I have slept with a married man (was told she was a gf and not a wife until I happened to see what he claimed on his tax forms for work) and yet I have never cheated on a boyfriend ever in my life, nor considered it.


Now though, I won't even let a guy cheat on his girl even if they had only been together for a short period of time. The reason? If he'd cheat on his gf to be with me, he could cheat on me with another girl. Since I no longer have casual sex anymore, I see all guys as potential boyfriends. That and I don't have sex without several months of dating and a committed relationship.

Even if he became recently single, I'd still only let him go as far as hand holding and kissing. I couldn't stand to be in a rebound relationship.

Sometimes I think I have way too many morals and I have kicked myself for turning down guys that were broken up but hadn't moved out yet.

 

It's important to not fuck with other peoples shit so that you can be free of anxiety and dew good, knot evil.

 

The golden rule people, its important, more than you know if havent tried it. it realy comes down to self respect, to have that you have to be someone you can honestly respect

 

ok, so... say we're NOT looking for a relationship with this person. (oviously if they're willing to cheat WITH you, why not ON you) So you think this person is hot, chemistry is good, pharamones going wild. You just want to have sex with them. Do we feel it's ethically wrong on your part to do it? Or just his because he's the only person with a real obligation?