Hi I am new to these forums but needed some advice. I am going to start with "a friend of mine" lol but really it is a friend, well rather, two frineds of mine, who I am going to call Katie and John. They used to be married, but after their relationship broke down they seperated and are now divorced awaiting the sale of their house and the usual final financial seperation of money and possessions. Both have new partners, and have done for around and year and a half. Recently Kate was involved in a road accident in which she was quite badly hurt and was rushed to the local hospital. One of our mutual friends was also involved in the accident and called me to inform me of what had happened (we are all quite a close group and have known both Katie and John really well for many years). Not really thinking I called up everyone I knew in our circle of friends and told them what had happened to Katie and this included John. John then rushed to the hospital to see if Katie was alright and this is where I feel I may have made a mistake. John got there before Katies partner did. He (Katies partner) wasn't informed until later because I didn't have his number and neither did any of our friends (he was not at the appartment he and Katie shared at the time and none of our friends had the number for his cell phone). I had left a message on their answer machine but he didnt get it until later on that evening, as he was at work. While none of us know Katies partner, we do know Johns, and later she told me that she was upset at what happened to katie but that she was also finding it difficult that John had rushed to Katies side when john is not supposed to be a part of katies life anymore. So now I feel really guilty that I did the wrong thing, that I should have not contacted John to let him know and instead, tried harder to contact her new partner. So now Johns new partner is telling me that she thinks that maybe John wants to get back together with Katie because he rushed to her bedside after the accident and while im not sure what Katies new partner thinks as i dont really know him that well, i feel badly for him that he wasnt there to give the support he should have been allowed to because John had beaten him to it. And I am left feeling really bad, guilty and like somekind of relationship recker (yeah i am probably being paranoid about that last statement but thats how I feel) Did i do the wrong thing? I know I can't do anything about it now, but well all my friends arent exactly impartial about what i did (i know of at least two that feel that John and Katie should get back together again) but i cant help feeling so guilty.
its not your fault, its his, if he wasnt supposed to go, thats up to him, then again, his partner is at fault to think he shouldn't go see someone wo he loved for such a long time when shes been in a serious accident, what a bitch
Yasmin121, to turn things to the better you maybe gotta do just some stocktaking and look deeper inside yourself and find the resentment that has settled in, to release it. Focus on forgiveness instead for your own self and the others - rather than on the need to control which goes hand in hand with blame and guilt. Trust into change rather than into the fears of change, as reflected by the others. Trust into love rather than into drama. Be of support - be impartial and take the others and your own self as independent beings, free to make any accident of life a blessing, and make this your influence, and make this your strength. I think the only failure is in refusing to grow from it.
You did nothing wrong. There's always going to be some connection there. They were close at one time, and the feelings they had won't go away. Timing shouldn't be a concern.
My mother and her ex are still friends.. hell, the guy is even a friend of my father, now. He is our insurance agent, too. It would be understandable to visit the hospital if one of your friends got in a serious accident, wouldnt it?
Did John and Katie have children while they were married? If so, it's only natural that John would be concerned, if for no other reason than the fact that Katie is the mother of their children. They may be divorced and living separate lives, but if John and Katie have kids, they can't TOTALLY cut themselves out of each other's lives (Not as long as child-support and custody laws have anything to say about it). Under those circumstances, for Katie's current beau to suspect that John would want to get back together with Katie is ridiculous. So stop beating yourself up over it. -- Skeeter
katies well being was the issue, and in a situation like that a person needs all the saport they can get. Just ask yourself, if it happened again would you do the same thing?
Thanks for the responses guys, and you are right, I think I am beating myself up over nothing, I get like that sometimes; I worry too much about whether things that go wrong are my fault. Katie and John are responsible enough to live their own lives, as are their partners, I just hate to see people upset, disappointed and feeling hurt, especially if I feel that I have played any part in making people feel that way. Incidentally katie is doing well and is expected to make a full recovery, also Katie and John never got around to having children although I know they were trying for a child not long before things went pear shaped. Thanks again all, and I do think I have been rather overly sensitive and silly about this whole thing but I do feel much better about it all now and feel I did do the right thing.
Well no lol, but as I said we are all really close friends and have been for 20+ years, which is why I was so wrapped up in why I may have done something wrong, that and because I just get too involved in trying to make everyone happy, and worry too much when I can't or feel I have done more harm than good.
