She crumbled at bottom the stairway, pressing her soft back against the wall, covering her face in shame. Tears rushed down her humble face, trailing her make-up across her subtle cheeks. She cried, and cried, soaking in the darkness of the unfortunate despair. Her cheek stung from his blow, and the cold tears pressing against her warm skin gave a sickly tickle, but it did little to ease the pain. Her left hand, which was currently held against her face, was fractured from trying to stop her ragdoll-like tumble as she dropped down the stairs. He sat on the bed upstairs, Legs hanging over the bed, and his elbows braced on his knees. Peaking through the spaces in his fingers, you could see his face blood red, shining from sweat and tears. His mind played over the wretched moment, frame by frame, haunting him, showing him how much of a beast he really was. Laying back, he curled into himself, like an unborn baby, surrounded in the melancholy of his middle-aged inebration. Frame by Frame. Regretting every moment. He forced himself into a dormant state as a means of escape. She tip-toed up the stairs, her limp could be heard from the unnatural rythm of her steps. Standing in the doorway with the hallway light from behind, She gazed at him, squinting to make out his shape in the darkness. Leaving the hall light on, she quietly stepped up to the edge of the bed. A natural calmness sweep through the room as she admired her lover. She lifted up the covers, exposing his delicate frame underneath, and took on last sniffle. She slid under the covers, and slipped away into a slumber, All the while, hugging the man of her dreams. Constructive Criticism Please.
I like it a lot, but this part is reaaaally awkward-sounding. Her cheek stung from his blow, and the cold tears pressing against her warm skin gave a sickly tickle, but it did little to ease the pain. Her left hand, which was currently held against her face, was fractured from trying to stop her ragdoll-like tumble as she dropped down the stairs. maybe if you get rid of "which was currently," cuz darn it, that line rubs me the wrong way... however the last seven lines are great. Except I think it would be better if she walked away, still hugging the man of her dreams.. ya dig?
