I just came back from a couples workshop this weekend held by the Gottman Institute in Seattle, and thought I'd share my experience in case anyone finds it helpful. Well I didn't really think we needed much help therapy-wise and I didn't know if it would be that great or if it would be stressful. But I'm soooo glad we went and I'd highly recommend it to anyone wanting to have a happier, closer less-stressed relationship I was suprised in how much my hubby enjoyed it. He said it made him feel less stressed about life and made him feel creative afterwards, like pot does. We kind of got more of that "in love" feeling back that you get at the start of relationships It was mostly talks given by Dr John and Julie Gottman (they are married therapists) and they had researched relationships for over 30 years and collected data on the common traits of couples in happy relationships that stay together and those that don't. And after each talk you get an excercise to go off and do with your partner alone. You don't have to say anything infront of anyone else or anything like that. If you get stuck when doing an excercise, you hold up a red card and a therapist comes to help you with your problem. You learn how to deal with stuff better and how to not be stressed when talking about issues you clash on, and how to communicate better etc It was suprisingly fun and maybe the best date I ever had with my guy. It is a bit pricey but I'd recommend it for any couple who wants a better relationship, whether its already good or in dire straits. Their website is here: http://www.gottman.com/ BTW I don't work for them or anything.
I wish I could afford ANY kind of counseling... but as we can barely afford groceries, our relationship is put on the bottom of the list of priorities. I noticed that you enjoy giving advice. Maybe you could offer some second hand advice that you learned to people who can't afford it? There's tons of people here that would benefit from a workshop like that, but can't find the time or money.
I know what you mean, I can't afford it either. I was very blessed that I got it as a gift from a friend from church. Sure I wouldn't mind giving advice. I don't want people thinking I think I know everything though LOL There is some stuff on the website is why I gave the link. Here is the direct link to the self help and tips: http://www.gottman.com/marriage/self_help/ The main things I got from it is to not blame the other person and say "I feel" instead. To avoid criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. To notice when your partner is making bids for attention, like trying to start conversations etc and to give attanetion back to them. Tell them things you appreciate about them. The most important thing (at least for me) that I learnt, was that people cannot be reasonable if their heartbeats are over 100 beats per minute! So when you feel flooded with emotion or stress, you have to calm yourself down. With taking a break and self soothing, like doing meditation exercises where you breathe slower and relax your muscles etc. Apparently its impossible to be in a stressed state of mind if your body is relaxed.
