They kissed - a very very very short story

It's a dark night - the wind is blowing, the air is cold. There is a faint smell
of grass that lingers into the darkness. The time is 3am but here time is irrelevant it's to far away from anywhere that runs on clocks, what matters is the cycles of the sun. In the distance is a fire and in the forground are two people.

They are both young and angst-ridden. They both are exploring what it means to be human - to be a citizen in a world that is often very hostile, to experience an intense range of, often conflicting, emotion. To experience changing values, changing dreams and changing mindsets.

One of them, the boy, is lonely and presumably so is the other, the girl, but it's harder to tell.

In front of them is the sea and they decide to sit on the grass overlooking it.
He takes a small gamble and extends a hand to her lap to where her hands are resting and takes her little finger, perhaps to timid to take the whole hand, she stirs and clasps his hand in hers.


This is something he's missed - for far too long, but it's happening now and doesn't want to spoil the moment by thinking too much. Needless to say, they were both scared but both wanted the same thing. They wanted affection, but were almost to scared to ask for it. She put her head on his shoulder and he tensed up for a second and then relaxed and lifted a hand and put it on her back and made subtle, gentle stroking movements.

This moment probably wouldn't last but while it did it was beautiful. She put her hands around his waist and they kissed and then lay on the grass and then kissed under the stars in front of the sea. They ran their fingers through eachothers hair and for a moment nothing mattered. They forgot about their problems and they forgot about the world that they had temporarily left.

 

It's an adorable moment. You portrayed it well.

 

Fantastic. I love how you set the scene.

 

Do you write often? Ever think about writing more? Liked the way you set the scene.

 

This whole thing sounds more like the outline for a story instead of an actual story... especially the first three paragraphs.

 

I absoultely Loved it : )

 

Interestingly this has sparked off a series of very very short stories - I'll update you soon. My computer's a bit buggered at the moment so I won't do it now.

Blessings

Sebbi

 

you don't go into depth enough about just about anything
you also don't emphasize things enough such as how great of a moment it was
it's not just short it's underdone
fatten it up a lil' and it could be great

 

that was beautiful

 

i have to agree with duck. but i will say i was captivated by it. it was a bit underdone, but sweet nonetheless =)