Hey – my first thread – please be gentle!! Looking for some advice from girls ( & guys). I have always been ‘straight’, with a few girlfriends over the last decade. I am also a sensitive cancerian, with respect for myself and people in my life. All my adult life, people have thought that I might be gay, and have told me so. After hearing this so much, I started to believe, and a year ago was very happy to come out of the closet. I felt good and had short relationships with 2 guys. A month ago I had a bit of a breakdown – realized that: - I never got over my last girlfriend, who has been my best friend and soul mate for the last 10 years, who is married and with 2 beautiful children (c my gallery) - I have put my friendship in order with Traci (above) and finally am over her. - I am Bi - I have the greatest respect for gay people - I would choose to be with a woman Now I believe that at the end of the day you fall in love with a person (M or F), and that intimacy and sex is all about sharing your energy with that person, not what sex one is! Anyway, I feel very comfortable with my mindset now and have always gotten the greatest support from my friends and family. I’ve managed to confuse them all a bit, but I think that the people who love you generally see me better than I can understand myself. Now, the question – when I go dating again with someone who I’ve just met, when do I broach the subject of my sexuality (it will come out sometime, I don’t believe in hiding things from people who are important to me). Ladies, what would your reaction be to hearing this boy is straight, but has explored his sexuality. Look forward to hearing from u all Thanx Ps: Really chuffed to have discovered HIPFORUMS with such cool people. Peace & Yoghurt Con
I'm confronted with the same dilemma -- and I've been openly bi for 12 years. Advice columnist Dan Savage ("Savage Love") has for years received letters from bi men in a similar situation. And he's finally proposed this: "If you're worried that women whom you're interested in will reject you over your bisexuality [and/or polyamory, if you already have a boyfriend in an open relationship, as I do], why not have a bi woman as a girlfriend? "I find it astounding that bisexual men and women don't actively seek out one another, instead of seeking out straight or gay partners." He's right. But part of the problem is that fewer bi people are out of the closet than their gay counterparts. Bi people who are also openly polyamorous (as I am) are fewer still. You have to be honest to yourself and about yourself -- even if it means you go without a companion for years on end. For, to paraphrase my signature, you can't be honest with anyone else if you can't be honest with yourself. Going back into the closet, in my opinion, is not a viable option. Self-denial is self-delusion. I'd rather stay solo than lie about who I am to a potential girlfriend; if she can't deal with me being bi, polyamorous and having a boyfriend for 20 years, that's HER problem, not mine. Likewise if the girl you're dating can't deal with YOUR bisexuality, that's her problem, not yours. "To thine own self be true" -- Shakespeare. -- Skeeter
thanks SkeeterVT, good advice I realize that I cannot unlearn what you have discovered about myself, but am comfortable with my status - be true to oneself! Amazing how one is always learning things about life, hope it never ends. Ciao 4 now.
I suspect that you are not bi at all. Rather a senstive and passive soul who felt slightly pressurised by others telling him he was gay. I have a friend who was pretty lonely, found it difficult to relate to women, and every other asshole told him he was gay. So, he had a couple of gay relationships, BUT he realised that whilst he appreciated the 'relationships', he wanted, needed a woman. I think, in time, you will find this is the same for you. Perhaps, I'm reading between the lines, but I don't think so. Good luck, anyhow. Women can be impossible, sometimes, and even gay men are CONSIDERABLY easier to understand, because at the end of the day they are, well, men. However, women can also be the most wonderful thing in creation, and I believe you need to find this out again.
Eh, I'm the truest form of bisexual that there is. M/F, M/M and F/F all turn me on. I've been actually saying I need a bisexual boyfriend for years. The guys don't mind the female on female part when they are straight but have huge issues cause I find gay male sex extreemly hot. Yeah. I need at least an open minded boyfriend. Haven't found one yet.
I can't argue with your point about the gentle, sensitive guy who doesn't fit into the stereotype of heterosexual men, yet doesn't fit the stereotypes of gay men, either. Almost invariably, he lives an alternative lifestyle of some sort. More than once, I've fallen in love with such a man -- and more than once, I've had my heart broken by the realization that he's neither gay nor bisexual. Yet far too many gay men lack the qualities the so-called "sensitive straight" guy has that my heart responds to so easily. And that frustrates me to no end; it hurts like hell to love someone deeply, yet know that you can't fully express your love for that person in its most intimate way. And it cuts both ways, affecting women as well as men. I'm not entirely accepting of the notion that one's sexual orientation is set in stone; my own bisexuality, which blossomed rather late in my life after 20 years of exclusive homosexuality, puts the lie to that notion. But the unwillingess of so many men in similar sitations to come out -- squarely because of male homophobia -- makes me more angry than frustrated. -- Skeeter
