AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Please help me! My boyfriend is gone- he's left back for his home; in Germany!!!!!! I miss him so fucking much, I don't know what the hell to do! All I want to do right now is give him a big hug, hold his hand, know that he is here...but he is not. And he won't be for a while. You see, I am thinking that I will go to Germany next summer for about a month to visit him. I already have enough money right now, to do that, so once they start selling airplane tickets for July of next summer, I am going to buy a round trip ticket- my mom said she's cool with it, and my boyfriend said that I can stay with him in Germany (so I won't have to pay any expenses for a hotel). But within this upcoming year (or 11 months to be exact), I don't know what I am going to do. We both know that when I visit, we'll continue our boyfriend-boyfriend relationship, but while he's gone, we've told eachother that we are free to have other boyfriends if the situation pops up. I dont foresee me having a boyfriend, seeing that there are NO GUYS to date at my school, so that shouldn't be a problem. I'm just worried about my feelings for him over the next schoolyear...should I hold on to my German boyfriend and consider him a boyfriend until we see eachother again? Or should I rather think of him as a great friend, so that I feel better about having another boyfirend (if there happens to be a guy that walks into my life, which I doubt)? I am really afraid to do the second option, because I know that when I visit him in Germany, I'll want to continue our boyfriend relationship...and it also scares me, because I don't want to ever let myself think that going to see him next summer isn't worth it (the money, the planning, or just even going). I know that I LOVE him so much...but. Well, I guess there shoudlnt be any buts- if I love him, then thats all that matters- no matter what happens over hte next year, I should still want to see him, if I do indeed love him. I guess there's time for me to sort out my feelings- buying airplanes tickets for next July wont be an option until this winter, so I can see how I feel for him by then. But I just want to see him right now- there are so many memories that I will never forget with him...and so many things that are constantly reminding me of him! We have a CD of songs that are for eachother, so whenever I listen to it, I think of him. And all of Cat Stevens music reminds me of him, because he loves Cat Stevens...and just going to places that I've been with my boyfriend remind me of him...and I am wearing a shirt of his that he gave me, which still smells like him...and my bedroom reminds me of him, where I've had so many beuatiful experiences. I keep on seeing things that say Germany on them, seemingly everywhere I go... What I await most of all right now, is an email from him. Just hearing from him, in Germany, will be a relief, and an assurance that we'll stay strong togehter through this schoolyear. Please help me out- I know I've whined abuot this so much in other threads, im sorry.
well piano i think you just really need to think about this i mean hes i germany and you will be apart for about a year thats something very hard i mean you have to think is it worth it how much will this guy be a trustworth person i mean its just so big think and tell me what you think
i resent your ability to have found someone, but at the same time, it gives me hope for relationships that could occur, and i don't know what you should do, just go with whatever happens and stop worrying
Pianoperson, It's OK to whine. It really is. Right now you need to let it all out. I've been typing and deleting a lot of stuff about this. Let me just say that I was in my first relationship when I went away to college, and the distance was the beginning of the end. The difference is that my bf and I had nothing in common other than being gay. Even when we first started our time together, I realized that we probably wouldn't be together forever. You, however, seem to have more going with this guy than I did with mine. What would I do in your shoes? I'd stay in touch with this guy in Germany. If you love him, you love him and that's that. You've got another year of school coming up soon. Make the most of it. Don't spend all of your time in front of the computer screen or on the telephone. You say that there are no guys to date at your school. Who knows who will be at your school when classes start? There's always the chance that you could meet someone who goes to a nearby school when you're out and about. At the very least, it sounds like it would be great for you to have some gay friends who live closer to you. I've said it before and I'm saying it again: keep us all posted.
first off a (((HUG))) is needed here and it is very OK to whine. we're all your friends and you can vent on us any time. I agree with SageDreamer, stay in touch but don't live on email and the phone. A year and long distance is some thing that some can't overcome, then again it has worked before with others (not me though). Keep your eyes and mind open as you might come across someone when you least expect it. If possible, get a group of gay friends to hang out with and express your feelings to. at any rate, I truely wish you the best of luck, hang in there, keep us posted and feel free to whine anytime you want. bob
Well, I've gotten my first email from him! The rush of emotions I felt, just seeing that I had an email from him in my inbox was almost overwhelming. I read through the email about 50 times, and it was beautiful...absolutely beautiful. And of course I replied, with an email about the length of an epic novel...haha, just kidding. This is such a hard situation...I know that I'll make it through it, until next summer, but I can't help feeling a piece missing inside, which I shouldn't, since we still love eachother...and I haven't lost anything. Its just that I miss seeing him...holding his hand, hugging him, and kissing. I miss walking into a room and seeing him there, looking up from whatever he was doing, to smile at me. I miss the way he talks, walks, and everything about him. Whenever I walk around town, there are certain places him and I had been...I always daydream taht when I walk into those plaes, that he'll be there, waiting to hang out with me...I walked into the store where he worked, and not seeing him sitting in that stool of his, with a book, reading, was upsetting. And the other memory I have is this- I play the piano on Tues. Wed. Thurs. and Sat. at this restaraunt in town- on his last night in the US, he came to watch me play the piano. I knew he loved "Your Song" by Elton John, so right when he walked in, I started playing it. Throughout the song, I'd glance at him as I played it, and he was looking at me non-stop, smiling. He told me later on that he was fighting back tears, because it made him so happy..and sad at the same time, since he knew he was leaving the next day. So now, everytime I play the piano at that restaraunt, and I play "Your Song" I alwways wish that I'd see him when I looked up at where he was sitting...but of course, i don't. I guess the best I can do is send letters and email him throughout this schoolyear, and phone calls here and there (its pretty expensive to call Europe). I came up with an idea for writing him letters; at the end, I mark a place where I've kissed the paper, so he can kiss it too, knowing that I've done the same...and also, I'm going to take pictures between the times that I write letters, and send them to him so he can see what I've been up to... I love him so much!
