share your criticisms

Discussion in 'Performing Arts' started by alice_d_millionaire, Jul 24, 2005.

  1. alice_d_millionaire

    alice_d_millionaire Just Do It©

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    Am G Dm Am
    You shine so bright that I can’t take my mind off you
    Am G Dm Am
    All night, it’s so right. So how can you say its wrong?
    Am G Dm Am
    I want you to hear me, I need you to know my heart
    Am G Dm Am
    I swear that I love you, and I don’t ever want to part
    Am Dm G Am
    I know that you’re going but you mean so much to me
    Am Dm G Am
    I hope that one day you will come home with me

    You came like the sunrise bright and full of cheer
    Now I see the nightfall cold and full of tears
    You say you can’t stay it hurts to think of this
    You know if you go my life will be meaningless

    I know that you’re going but you mean so much to me
    I hope that one day you will come home with me

    Now the rain will fall it running on down my face
    Hear me while I cry no one can take your place
    I am yours are you mine its something Ive got to know
    Kiss me one more time before you have to go
     
  2. alice_d_millionaire

    alice_d_millionaire Just Do It©

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    ah fuck... its sposed to be Am////// G////// Dm ////// Am//////... or somthin like that
     
  3. JungleFungus

    JungleFungus Member

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    nothing wrong with it, I just think it sounds sort of cliche. But then again, I have natural adversity towards love songs.
     
  4. Trickster

    Trickster Misfit

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    Adds are too long and louder then regular programming, although the powers that be don't admit it. How's that? :)
     
  5. JungleFungus

    JungleFungus Member

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    because capitolism and the media are corrupt, silly!
     
  6. ThE_BluE_ShoE

    ThE_BluE_ShoE Member

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    i'd revise the first verse--its way too cliche. also, don't just strum the chords. use those chords as the backbone of the sound. when you go to record it, instead of just vocals, strumming guitar, bass and drums, layer it. make guitar and/or keyboard melodies and harmonies thicken up the chords, and leave space in the song, so as to not make it another bland pop statement. an otherwise boring song with a few chords can really be made interesting by layered composition. as far as just a singer/songwriter thing to perform at coffeshops and stuff, it's probably fine. i'd have to hear it, but that first verse just sounds so typical of a pop love song.
     
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