I'm on an emotional hangover

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Rafaela, Aug 5, 2005.

  1. Rafaela

    Rafaela Member

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    I’m on an emotional hangover.

    Drinking a drug downing ointment

    From the chew-tipped straw of my depression.

    A seemingly unending epilogue to the finished piece;

    Departed joy

    Now obstructed sleep.

    Dream mechanics piecing me apart

    Insecurity by insecurity

    Caving in, the already crumbling grave

    Of my world-weary limbs.



    Diffuse the defenses of my pale spirit

    With a word.

    I felt my pulse and took it as your own demise,

    “Dead” I said disappointingly.



    The eyes of the corpse still glazed

    With the memories of her past

    Her lips kissed by coal,

    Black smeared smirk.




    ------- if its vague, i dont want to hear it.
     
  2. Major Peacenik

    Major Peacenik Member

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    great but I don't like "I'm on an emotional hangover" or the "of my" before "world-weary limbs" because they weigh the poem down... otherwise awesome
     
  3. Rafaela

    Rafaela Member

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  4. Syntax

    Syntax Senior Member

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    I love the last two stanzas.
     
  5. trippyfish

    trippyfish Member

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    I Love It I Wish I Could Say More But Brain Is Not Working Yet
     
  6. cassiopeia

    cassiopeia Member

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    nice..I'm horrible when it comes to commenting and giving reasons for liking things..but i do like this one... keep on writing:)

    luv, Cassi
     

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