Afraid to work?

Yeah, I could just be spoiled I suppose. I never ever really had to work. But I'm cool with school... its work too.. just dont get paid. You'd think it would be the other way around.

I was working as a Telephone Customer Service Representative for the place that I had to quit because I couldn't get over the freak outs. I took calls pertaining to peoples credit cards. I was great at it. The last place was retail. I was fine there after about 4 months of freaking out. I was okay to go to work... but then they fired all of us for no particular reason. I still havn't gotten paid for severance or vacation.

Its just so stupid. I feel like an idiot. And reading this even more so. I'm like, what the hell, suck it up and just fucking do it. But then when the time comes I just... I don't know.. loose it. my stomach does turns and I feel ready to throw up. My head spins and I can't think clearly. And I suddenly can't help but cry. It's sooooo dumb... I think the only thing I can do is see a councilor. But I feel even worse for that. It's admitting... there's something wrong.

Guh.

 

SHAME ON YOU, MATT! that seems to be a pretty harsh accusation coming from someone as fortunate as you, especially considering your own current predicament! i really expected better than that from you. those are not the words of the thoughtful and supportive person i know you can be, when you feel like it. i know you're not an asshole, so please do not act like one.

silver penny, as some people (cough cough *ahem*) around here are already aware, i've experienced similar problems finding work. my dread and depression finally manifested in severe migraines that would completely incapacitate me for as long as a week. it was horrible. what i would suggest to you is to talk to a counsellor at school. i myself am in a situation where eventulally i may have to take a job to support my children on my own, after being an at-home mom for quite some time. this had me incredibly worried, as i'm concerned about my ability to be an effective parent with the kinds of difficulty i was having with work before. i started seeing a counsellor for some personal problems, and to prepare me to hit the work force should the shit hit the fan. well, i don't have all the answers and i haven't solved the problem entirely yet, but what i have learned so far has been helpful.

first of all, if you're miserable at work, then it's likely that you are doing the wrong things. it's very difficult for a student to find fulfilling work, not just because there are a limited number of really cool jobs that students are qualified for, but also because they often really don't know how to think creatively about work. i think that the way most high school guidance offices deal with encouraging students to think about future and careers is shameful and does way more harm than good. they present a very limited formula: go to college-->get a job in a corporation-->bite and claw your way up the corporate ladder as far as you can get. they also present a very limited, and, in my view, backwards, definition of success. there are a very limited number of career options presented, and off-beat careers or self-employment is often actively discouraged. i was told there was nothing i could do with an art degree. when i got to college and noticed the dizzying number of options i had for what to do with the rest of my life, i became so overwhelmed and confused i had to drop out for awhile.

oh, and btw, as a parent myself, no offense, but i think your parents are idiots.

just because you are a student, does not mean you are limited to food service and retail jobs. obviously these options are not working out for you, so don't even consider them. what was it about the one job you had that you liked? what was it about the other jobs that triggered the freak-outs? i'd start making some lists, and studying them carefully.

what other options have you considered? what can you do? how about giving music lessons, if you're really good? is there another subject you're good at that you can tutor in? can you type well? are you good with children, animals, or the elderly? have you considered options like children's party entertainer, figure/portrait model, or canvasser for a nonprofit organization? how about working in an arts center? some of my more interesting (and fun) jobs included festival/party clowning, arts center intern, and professional psychic/tarot card reader.

if you're about to be on your own soon, don't panic - well, that's easier said than done, i know it's scary. but you can do fine if you plan carefully. do you need a whole apartment by yourself? can you do ok renting a room, or getting roommates? that can cut your biggest expense by a lot. do you cook? invest in a crock pot from a thrift store, and buy bulk beans and grains and cheap cuts of meat (if you eat it) and make pots of soup or chili while your at class. cheap, and way more nourishing and satisfying after a day of classes than ramen noodles! i found a bread machine at a rummage sale for $4. we save a great deal on bread, and always have it homemade and fresh, too. if you rent, try to get a place with utilities, or at least heat, included. if you're good with children or the elderly, consider looking into live-in nanny or companion arrangements, and solve your job and housing problems together.

i know its tough when you're thrust out on your own like that. it's very frightening, and often painful. if you feel alienated by your birth family, put your energy into connecting with your community and your "real" family of friends and loved ones. just take things a step at a time, if you can, and if you can't, try not to let yourself panic and trust your own instincts. it is ok to trust yourself, whether it's your education, work or housing options. it's your life, after all.

 

again i state, your parents are idiots.

seeing a counsellor is not "admitting there's something wrong". don't do yourself in by internalizing the situation. if you needed legal advice, you'd see a lawyer, wouldn't you? counsellors can help you reorganize your thinking, restructure your priorities in a manner that's more in keeping with your own values, and bring to light options that you might not otherwise know are there. counsellors are usually very resourceful people. they have acess to a lot that you aren't even aware of.

but pick your counsellor yourself. don't let your parents choose one for you. and you also should be aware that, if your counsellor isn't helping, or, gods forbid, is actually making you feel worse, you have the right to switch counsellors any time you damn well please.

don't let anyone bully you into thinking that you are somehow inherently flawed just because you don't fit into a given formula for success, or if you need to seek out support in finding out where you do fit. there's a pony for you somewhere on this crazy merry-go-round - you just have to find it.

 

this thread is missing a word.....umm....(cough*LAZY*cough)......wish I could think of the word

 

umm, yeah. what he said.

 

you know, i am truly humbled by the careful and considerate thought and consideration that went into that above statement. you must be a career counsellor. i am stricken speechless by your brilliant assessment of the situation. indeed, the fountain of wisdom is found within witty one-line posts on internet forums. i think i'm going to go to you for all my career advice from now on, since obviously you've figured out the formula for success.

actually, i think that was a very ignorant, narrow-minded, and judgemental thing to say.

 

yep, sounds like me

 

But Shes Got Breasts!!!!!!

 

Thank you for the serious advice Kitty. And misfontella, all of us are a measure of lazy. I don't think I'm particularily though.. because I pitch in around the house with no complaints. I go out and do things and get things done. With school I always got good grades. In everything but work I do a great job. Well, technically I do a great job at work too, but I have an emotional breakdown before and after I go. Obviously I have my lazy moments... (eh, fuck it, remotes too far away, I'll just watch martha stuart) But I'm fairly confident it's not such a simple answer when it comes to work habbits. Even with that job that I quit due to stress, I stayed there for 7 months trying to work it out.

I think what it is is the judging part. With school, no one's going to "fire" me if I don't do a good job. And sometimes people have a awry description of what a good job is. I got fired at my last job out of no where for no good reason. They said I wasn't performing up to par, that I wasn't working at 100%... that I made mistakes on the till. (Last one was an outright lie, the District Manager has no idea who makes mistakes on the till, and my manager and co-workers never found a problem. And we would all see it with the way the store works. Other workers did make mistakes, but did they get blame? Uh, no.) And my manager never told me I was doing a bad job. I never once was told, hey, you might loose your job if you don't kick it into gear. My till always had higher amount of sales and I even got compliments from the customers. But, apparently... I wasn't doing a good job, so they fired me.

 

Excuse me - this is not in criticism of Penny, rather in retort to what Kitty said - but someone who admits to frequent clubgoing obviously has no problem partaking in mainstream, consumerist culture, as long as it's to satisfy their pleasure principle.

Now if a person is incapable of working, whether it be due to physical or mental conditions... well, that's a different story.

Work does indeed suck - if only I was rich enough to win the lotto. But shit, CAPABLE people shouldn't have to rely on their parents or the government (being the Libertarian that I am) to pay their way through life. Everyone has excuses, including me. Lots of people stumble upon obstacles in life. But they overcome them, they don't sit back and feel pity for themselves.

There are options out there. Not every job requires you to be some super-sqaure donning a suit and a tie, equipt with a phony smile.

It's one thing to not be working, it's another thing to complain about not wanting to work. If it didn't require working to live a somewhat decent life, I would spend most of my days in bed and with the shades drawn, engaging in frequent masturbation and week long benders.

 

Quote: I would spend most of my days in bed and with the shades drawn, engaging in frequent masturbation and week long benders.

I try to work those activities into my work week

 

So I went to the councilor today. He said that he knew someone who threw up once before going out for a dinner (a date). Then the next time she was to go out to dinner she thought about it and got worried and ended up doing it again. It became a problem. Everytime she had to go out to dinner she ended up throwing up. Related one bad thing to a completely unrelated issue. She had to see a therapist and eventually got over it. A pavlov and his dog sort of thing. Conditioning. He says that it's very likely that I've done the same thing with work. Related something bad to it, and now it's become a pattern that I psycologically can't excape. Would explain why I'm perfectly fine in other situations. I'm obviously not agoraphobic or anything extreme like that. He's going to refer me to a good therapist and hopefully this is something I can get over fairly quickly.