OK heres what happened today, ive been so tierd the last week or so and i really needed a lay in, so my husband got up, and then at some point during the morning fell asleep again while my son was playing on the living room floor. when i got up i found him covered in ash and tobacco, he had pulled an ashtray off the table and chewed the butts, and he was in the process of chewing the hoover cord ! OH MY GOD wel obviously i went mad, i mean, now he crawls you just cant leave him, it looked like something off of an NSPCC advert. i yelled at my husband and instead of saying he was sorry or checking he was ok he just laid on the sofa, he didnt even seem that bothered and just got all pissed off at me for yelling at him. he then went out with hardly a word to me, i thought to his mums, turns out he is at his mates not so far away, i ask him if he will come back, cos i wanna try and sort this out, find out what the hell is going on and he says, no. he's not coming back home to sort things out with his very upset wife, he's going straight to his mothers instead, when he could just as easy gone tomorow morning, she is out tonight anyway and said he would be back on sunday. i know he is not happy at the moment, but ive tried so hard to help him, but nothing is good enough. im getting so pissed off, i love him so much and seeing him lay around and do not much at all and not chase up job oppertunities is really hard, i have to ask him to do simple chores around the house he rarely does them of his own accord and that really stresses me out and its not like he is at work you know, hes been ill for a long time but hes better now, well almost. he could do so much but he does little with his time but chat on hip forums, he is usually great with our son but this, my god, and then he gets all defensive when i say 'how can i trust him while i am at college', its not his intentions i doubt i know he loves our son, but hes insomnic and has a lot of trouble sleeping so he ends up doing it half the day, i think if he did more he would be able to sleep at night but he doesnt seem to believe me. i dunno what to do anymore i just cried and cried when he said he didnt want to come home, i feel so empty and i just dont know what to do. im sorry to rant at people but i wonder 'what would you do? Talking to him is really hard at the moment its like i talk, he stares into space and doesnt say much, i talk again, nothing, i have to press him to answer or even look at me sometimes. My whole body aches for him to be here and to just tell me whats going on, but i guess he needs time. oh god i cant write anything more about this.
***hugggsss*** Man, it sounds like you two have a whole lot going on. My husband can sleep through anything; i don't know how many times he's said "don't worry hun, go back to bed" when i was sick or something, and just like an hour later, i got woke up cause the kids were screaming or fighting or something, and he was on the couch sleeping though it, but *i* managed to hear it and wake up from the other side of the house...ugh, the parental instincts just aren't always there! But from the way you wrote that, you guys have some issues at the moment i hope you're able to talk to him soon, maybe that'll help you feel better.
enigma, I am sorry you are going through this right now. It sounds like your man is depressed. But that doesn''t make it any easier for you or your son. Can he get help for his depression? Or does he refuse? It is so difficult. I once went out on a Consultation in the evening, and came home to toddler Sage, naked running around the house (it was well after 10 PM), The older kids were sleeping, and Bear was supposed to be watching Sage. I asked her why she was naked, and why she wasn't sleeping. She said "Papa got me ready for bed, and then fell asleep IN MY BED and he won't get out!" He had started to dress the baby and laid down her bed and fallen asleep (or maybe he had dressed her and she had undressed herself, she was at that "love to be naked" age) I couldn't wake him up, but I finally got him up and had to put the baby to bed myself. I was so angry. The next morning, Bear claimed he had just laid down with her and she must have gotten up herself. Maybe, but the baby is never running naked around the house alone when I am in charge of her. I WAKE UP when she does, always. He just didn't SEE what I was upset about. "She didn't get hurt, did she?" But she could have. I don't know what gets into them sometimes. I hope you can get this sorted out. Your man is too old to be running home to him mummy every time he gets into an argument with his womyn. He needs to grow up. (((((((((enigma rising))))))))))
I think you are probaly spot on with this but I am sorry I don't know what you do to convince someone that it is the case..I know that I always stay up way late if I sleep in the day and deliberately avoid doing so..I also find that if I don't do some physcal exercise of some sort the same thing can happen, I find it harder to sleep and such.... maybe you could organise something for the two of you to do that is really physical with the kids...like a bushwalk with the bub in a rucksack which he carries...the next day after doing this would probaly be a perfect opportunity for pointing out if there was a difference for him from staying up and doing something physical....just have to get hime there I suppose! sorry I am not more help and lots of love and hugs for you stephanie
