The bastard...

I think the general consensus was this, Mags -

1) That sucks he hit your friend. She should press charges and it isn't her fault but his

and

2) There were warning signs. When you see em in the future, get five big burly guys to throw his stuff out.

 

Since when is cocky and sarcastic the same as asshole? Assholes don't start out as assholes most of the time, they start out charming as hell.
I wish half a hippie would do better than to half read what was stated in the thread.

[Shameless Heiffer quote]
You don't see the true nature of someone untill you have lived with them. Some people can hide their violent nature while in courtship or just hanging out together.
They disguise themselves.

We don't see the evil intent in them bc we are not looking for it. We simply see what is presented to us. if they act decent to us how could we know of their intent, unless they show it to us. They are Masters of Disguise, we are victomized bc we do care.

[Maggie Sugar quote]
But, honey, with abusers, you can NEVER please them, because they are not pleased with themselves and they get off on blaming others and hurting others. HE PROBABLY BELIEVES he is blameless. He will tell lies about how Courtney "made" him lose his temper, abusers ALWAYS blame their victims for "making" them do things. And he will do anything possible to "get you back." NOT because he loves you, but because he needs to CONQUER you.

Too true,too true...and unfortunately I know first hand. They may not get physical, they may just be emotionally abusive as well...either is unacceptable!

 

EXACTLY!!

 

Sorry for whatever offense you may take to this, but that was extremely insensitive. In no way was it HER fault-- and how was she to know he would act out like that?

You can never put blame on a woman for a situation like that. EVER. Assholes, as you described them, are great at covering up their true colors only to let them out after you've gotten into somewhat of a relationship with them.

Tell me how she would have known he was like this until she saw it..until he let it out? Sure, it may sound fucked up to you how he was acting and telling her that he loved her right away--- however, you were not in her shoes. To any woman in that position, though they might see the insanity in it all, they would also naturally feel flattered... by the thought that someone had fallen in love with them.

I am totally disgusted with your words.

And I empathize for the writer of this topic.

 

THAT DOES NOT GIVE SOMEONE AN EXCUSE TO...OR JUSTIFY HITTING HER OR HER FRIEND. AT ALL.

 

Also to taoflipflower---
i highly doubt that even if she were to get in a relationship with this guy that none of this would have still happened...
an abuser is an a abuser...no matter if are with them, not with them... whatever.
assuming that if she would have just started dating him, that he wouldn't have done this is truly naive.

And I agree with the people who said that assholes usually don't start off as assholes when you meet them--they are charming as hell. I dated a verbally and physically abusive guy when i was just 16 years old, and our first month together...I thought he was the most amazing guy that I had ever met. once we got past that stage where I started to fall for him, he let his true colors come out and I was rudely awakened.

I also want to point out that this guy was telling her I love you after two weeks, and while some people may be thinking "whoa", if you were in her shoes, I'm sure in a weird way she was [and you would be too] flattered. When someone tells you that they love you I'm sure the first thought that crosses through your mind isnt "Whoa..crazy person over here!" it's "aww, I'm glad so and so cares about me so much...thats beautiful"

edit to add that... my boyfriend is in no way shape or form abusive and told me he loved me after only two weeks... we have been together every single day since we started dating for the past year and a half... and he has never ever acted in a abusive manner.... that's NOT always a warning sign.

 

Having someone say they love you after only two weeks is a warning sign, imo. That means you had better be looking for more signs, and chances are you won't recognize them unless you've been there/done that, or until it's too late (especially with psychological abuse). Maybe they won't be the abusive type, but that's a trademark line from the ones that are. After all, the most deceptive of them genuinely want what everyone wants: a nice, healthy, loving relationship; but for whatever reason, they become abusive toward the ones they're intimate with. They're also usually quite adept at picking the ones that'll take their shit. Go jump on a support board for people in abusive relationships... the similarities in their stories is shocking.

 

It's not that I didn't see the warning signs...I just though he had a lil' stick up his butt, and I was the only person that put up with his little tempers...
Like, if he was sarcastic with me "you don't give a shit about me.." comments.
I'd say "what the hell does that mean? just because i don't want to be your girlfriend? that doesn't mean i don't care"
and i told him this! ver batim!

Other people (ie.courntey) just stopped talking to him after he had some words with her a few weeks before this whole deal.

Flashback: Courntey is medicated for depression. She couldn't afford her meds and was off it for a few days, affecting her sleep. Rich usually takes her to work. She was running late due to meds withdrawal (sleeping in).
On the way there, all he did was berrade her with insults and yelled the whole time.
"You can't fucking blame your sleep on fucking stupid medicine. Just deal with it like everyone else, not blame it on your stupid depression."
Courtney was crying so bad by the time she got to work, she had to take the bus back home almost immediately...she cut her arms that day.

And the night he beat her...he said "why wouldn't she cut his tags? she cuts her arms up!" He has some vendetta against her....

I never thought that it would lead to physical abuse....he beat the crap out of her..and I see it now...the things that led up to it. I didn't really...understand it till i typed it all out. It's like a train coming at you. We both should've done something...But I never thought he'd actually hit us.

 

whoa, dude. FUCK YOU. it's rich's fault that he flew off the handle, NOT hers. why do we blame the victims in instances like these? she did not TELL him to fly off the handle. he chose his actions and he alienated himself from these people.

that's all i have to say about THAT.

 

Ok, listen up you clowns. This original thread was - and still is - a whinge by the original postee. She KNEW he was probably gonna be trouble, because it was this aspect of his personality, sarcasm, arrogance, a sense of 'danger' that attracted her to him in ther first place. OK? Well, tough shit. That's life. It was her choice. There will be hundreds and hundreds of 'nice' dudes around her neighbourhood who are probably better looking, more talented, more stable........BUT she - stangely enough - isn't ATTRACTED to them. Funny, eh?


All women seem to believe they can change these assholes for the better. They can't. Oh, and of course, the assholes - and I'll bet ya everyone else knew this guy was an asshole - never 'reveal' their true nature to these poor women, until - surprise, surprise - they behave as they are, of course, which is an asshole. Don't make me laugh.

The big problem is, women, like poor, little Toots, here, don't like to admit they got burned. It's humiliating, and her friends will probably now think she's an asshole, too, by association.

It's always the assholes fault, right? Wrong. She made a bad decision, and a bad mistake........and she knows it. SHe could have rejected the asshole from the word go.....but she didn't, did she?

So, all you bleeding hearts crying into your soup because of this awful bad man - who is what he is, and strangely enough, women love him for it! - can bleat on all you like. Any significant intellect reading the threads would, I am afraid, state - as I did (without recourse to abuse like I received for my polite opinion from our silly, little girl who got burned and didn't like my first post) - that she is responsible for her actions, her DECISIONS. She only has herself to blame, the asshole will always be an asshole, and - consequently - never short of dumb women to share his bed.

 

*yawns* yes dear.....whatever you say dear....blahblahblah dear.......

 

Sarcasm becomes you not, old girl. Telling young Toots, as you have, that she is totally innocent of responsibility is not going to help her sieve out the nasty men in future is it, hmmm?


Sometimes we all need praise, where due, and sometimes we all need a kick up the ass, where due. Being 'nice' isn't always the right way to help people, especially young people, help themselves.

But, hey, let her listen to your advice to keep repeating her mistakes with men by all means.

 

YOU are an asshole...

 

All of your responses makes me wonder about your reading abilities....You seem to fabricate shit as you go....
I already said she was guilty of poor judgement as she missed the warning signs but thats called life lesson's (She also understands this now, unlike you). She's like 20 ffs! I guess you have led an exemplary life w/o errors of judgement. They don't start out as assholes most of the time. Since when does cocky and sarcastic automatically mean asshole?
It would appear from many posts of yours that you are bitter towards women, that you were passed over for some asshole by a woman since you jump on this theme like stink on shit.
Try actually retaining something from the many posts that are here about this subject instead of glossing over and posting your own version of facts at hand.
Btw, You have to have some wit to be sarcastic and therefore quite suitable.

 

you must really hate women, salamander. your outlook on my situation is as worthless as another woman-beating man in this world.
you try to cut me down all you want. I know I never deserved this, neither does any woman in the world.
So..whatever. You must never get laid if that's the way you view women.

 

no u didnt deserve any of the stuff that happened to you dont listen to the people on here who say u did or whatever, they have proberly never been through anything that is scarey in their life ever and i hope they dont,

 

Good God, woman! So, you're a online shrink, now, hmmm? Perhaps, you might take the time to read more of my posts, sweetie? Bitter towards women? Ah, that would explain my posts, wouldn't it? Er, actually, no. In fact, as I have explained in at least a couple of others, I was not so nice, in my late teens, early twenties. 99.99% of women loved me for it. Funny, eh?

Now, tell me, how many nice guys do you know who are really cocky and sarcastic, hmmm? It was precisely that, that gives me a perspective of relationships and attraction. Passed over by some asshole? He he. Yeah, right!!! Maybe, it could conceivably happen now, as I have turned over a new leaf, so to speak........and look where it gets me!!

My posts are my opinion, nothing more. Is that ok with you? Do I think they are right? Yes. You can agree or disagree. It seems to me, that it is YOU who is getting a little bit emotionally involved in these posts. I do read the other posts, sweetie, but I'm afraid if I don't agree with them, then I say so. Yes, I KNOW she is young, you half wit. That is why I am stating what I believe to be the situation going on, here, so that she DOES not make the same mistakes in future.

However, if it comforts you to abuse, attack and slyly slander myself, my posts and my motives, well good luck with that.

 

I said it would appear, not that you are. I hardly think I even tried to tout myself as a shrink or a know it all. I really don't give a shit wtf you are or aren't. I know you are rude and have come across you spouting this same rhetoric on more than just this thread which was the basis of my remark.

Never said you didn't have any basis in fact, just that its not this black and white thing you make it out it be. If you turned over a new leaf, it sure isn't apparent on this thread. You could have said the same things in a much less hurtful and vindictive way so that anything useful you had to say may have actually been heard. That is why many people did point out to her that there were warning signs that she missed. There also the fact that there was nothing in her prior experience to prepare her for such a situation either. Hopefully she has grown from this bad experience, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"
.
I know quite a few people men and women that could be called cocky and sarcastic. They also have many other qualities and guess what...asshole ain't one of them. To many, self confidence and a wry, dry sense of humour could be described as cocky and sacrastic.

pfft~my posts are only my opinion too. Funny, the whole *yawn* thing earlier was to hopefully diffuse your crappy response that made it sound like it was her fault that this dh went off on her gf. Evidently her friends were as fooled by this guy as she was since he was living on their property.
Why do you zero in on me, lol, I have hardly been as harsh or rude of a judge as others here have been towards you. Don't like it old man, then ignore it as well, lol! Rudeness becomes no one.

 

left over issues from high school or gay male in denial?

 

*prepares to get flamed*

I'm not saying you should blame yourself for all this, but it IS selfish to fascilitate the situation by sleeping with a guy you KNEW liked you more than you liked him.

He wasn't right by beating your friend...totally. BUT, next time you should think before you lay down with someone.

Just my opinion.