BEGGING FOR ADVICEHERE destiny,dilemna,blood,heart ofstone..(ALSO ON RELATS FORUM)

BEGGING FOR ADVICEHERE destiny,dilemna,blood,and a heart of stone with acrack in it?

Begging for advice-relationship type question
Heart of stone with a crack in it?


THIS WAS ALSO POSTED ON THE RELATIONSHIPS FORUM
BUT I SUPPOSE ITS A LOVE AND SEX FORUM TOPIC TOO

Hi all.

Well this is my first ever posting on re relationships in Love and Sex.
( Some of you might want to fastforward down a bit to the funny part)

Anyways , as the title says ( being clueless in my own relationship matters) Im BEGGING for some helpful advise here.( 2 posters extremely kindly gave some help on the Relationships forum)

OK here goes , I recently went abroad for the weekend and I got it on with a girl.
Pretty ( gorgeous) , funny , good “energy” , her face kept lighting up etc , we
got on really well blah blah blah

Ok that parts normal.

This was in continental Europe , and Im from England tho’
__________________________________
Now things get less normal.

She was Russian and a student.

Now I’m of Russian descent.My family moved over from there a long long , long time ago.In some ways I feel very Russian , and I’m certainly not “typically “ English.
I believe our genetics as much as our environment give us our personality traits.

She looked like me ( not in a daft way you know ) , Slavic , same features and colouring etc- and people tend to be attracted to genetically similar types )
and blah blah blah.

I’m fascinated by Russia and the people and have even considered “defecting”there for about 7 years now( yeah weird I know!)

Ive even been writing a novel the last couple of years and in my minds eye she looks like theRussian female lead character looked like from the start of writing.

In a way I felt I was tapping into my lost heritage.( I lost touch with my Slavic forebears) .But it was the way I felt I could laugh with her like we were best friends etc.

But at the same time was very “girlish” a different personality to the English girls Ive known.

And having been outside Russia for a couple of years her English was perfect.

Im 30 years old and have been around a bit and usually have to go out with a girl for quite a while before I’ll even think about her as anything other than sex or a laugh ( sorry I know that’s terrible and that wont earn me any sympathy, but Im always honest with them anyway).

And I usually know when a girl feels the same way as me.

Anyway , I’m certainly not the clichéd “lonely old guy looking for a good looking foreigner”- I have lots of fun with girls whenever I want.
-Im an ex model myself and run my old business and Im still , as I said above , Im 30 ( shes early 20s)

The next thing is , Im really superstitious and believe in fate like anything.

My life ,and career mainly has been shaped by certain key moments.
I’ve always believed in fate , destiny , instinct.
To me it just seems so much more powerful , more ”true” than pure logic.
I know that without instinct and belief in destiny , I think Id be so much the poorer.
( spiritually etc)
Infact I believe that putting logic in the dustbin has often been the best thing Ive done.
And amongst the Russians I’ve known a belief in “destiny” has often seemed big
thing too.

My friend who saw us said “look at you , you daft fxxx you’re in love”
Anyway , I wanted to tell him to shut it ( I “pride” myself on having a “heart of stone”) but even I couldn’t suppress a stupid –looking fairly “guilty “ smile.

Theres probably lots more justifications but I wont bore you much more.
__________________________________
Ok here’s the next bit .Promise you wont laugh?
*
*
*
(MOVE DOWN PAGE)

*
*

Shes a lap dancer.

Allright , I knew you would laughbut Im serious.

Not a hooker , just making her way through college and with the target of an EU passport ( well probably)

Altho most people would say she could go back to Russia and have a pretty good life there as a model and wife of some “bizniz man”( ok mafioski).

...Or find some guy to give her the EU passport.
___________________________________________
And here I am LOL asking , ok begging , for advice.

Part of me says that ideas with a Russian lapdancer who wants to live in Europe ,
whos living on the continent while Im in England just seems daft and comical
and a little brainless of me.I mean could any of this be a sound basis for a relationship?

My head says “veryconfused” .

My heart ( which usually says sweet nothing on relationship matters as Im usually governed by my dick) tells me “yeah do something about it , and try as some other nuts believe in this type of destiny thing"

*********Question:-**********************************************
Should I :-

a)Grow up and forget the whole thing with her.

b)Play it cool , and if I happen to go back , play it cool with her and
see if its worth bothering with after we meet again.

c)Accept that I do actually believe in destiny/fate and take a more proactive approach and say “nothing ventured , nothing gained”.

Many thanks all .

I know it sounds silly but its trueLOL

( shakes head in embarrassment) and wonders if this is the daftest post ever put on this part of hipforums)!LOL

 

If I understand your question... I vote for C.

 

Hi Nalencer.Thanks for your quick reply.
To summarise , the questions are:-

1) "Am I still sane"/ "is it a sound basis to see her"?
2)What should I do about it?
3How should I try and progress with her?

C was the answer I wanted to hear to my first post.

I got a bit submerged in the "justification" bit in the post, but what I really wanted to say was
"ok Ive never believed in it , but its like a love thing".

As I mentioned on the Relats forum , its like before then , I always thought love was for "girls and losers".I even felt like I understood why people have kids after I met her.

Kind of ironic how I wound up in this situation?!

Oh well , any more advise people?
Many thanks

 

1) Yes.

2) Tell her how you feel.

3) See answer two. Then go from there.

 

If you really believe in fate why would you ask? If you believe in fate you will be
together if you are meant to, no matter what you do.
That aside I would say 'c', but that seems to me to be the opposite of fate to me.

 

Hi Nalencer
Thanks for your post.
Its what I wanted to hear.
Its just I needed to hear it from somebody other than myself.

HI Tropisms too
Thanks for your post.
OK I really believe in fate/destiny etc.

But I don’t believe we’re just robots going down a path.
If that was the case , I suppose we wouldn’t be people.

Its like I believe gifts are placed down for us (sometimes very few and far between)
, but we still have free choice.
As I said earlier , I cant just expect it to just fall into place , Id need to instigate it
And even then it might not happen.
At the end of the day , I left there too blind to recognise any possibilities.
When I was much younger a girl lied to me and it affected my faith in others, and I swore “never again”.

I swore to myself I’d build up my career to have blah blah blah so no girl would ever want to do that again.It wasn’t even about material things , more about having the “balance of power”.( I know thats not healthy)( btw I’m a businessman who believes in Communism-work that one out!lol)
I decided relationship ability was all about “attributes” – how funny you are , how much of a "man" you are , what you have , how you impress etc etc.
In truth , I never felt I was quite “at the level” I needed to be “playing my game at” to be really happy.

( Ironically the day I got home , I had some big news that one of my career objectives will soon be reached – but I cant say I felt overjoyed by it all).

Now its like Ive seen how imbalanced I became.

Now I semi feel fate is punishing me
-firstly for developing this “heart of stone” with others.
-secondly for focusing on my career and not relationships- being too blind to see what was truly valuable , or could become valuable.

Maybe its because it might not happen/ not work , that I want to explore it so much.
Either way , it just seems so ironic that things happened this way./

Firstly because of everything in my own head.
Secondly because of who its with- ie someone who I think is good in heart but maybe “sidetracked” in a way a lot like I was.

Like I said , its like Robert Redford and Richard Gere in those 2 films in a tiny(?) way.
Part of the reason I asked about fate is that yes I believe in it .But partly I feared shed think “what sort of muppet comes all the way back here for more giving me all this talk about destiny”.
But Im not worried about that as much now.Maybe the worry was just in my own mind regarding my own sanity.LOL
_____________________________________________________________________

_________Anyway , time to be positive , I know it makes sense to go back and try.
I wont do it straightaway , but soon.
And if it works that’s great.
If it doesn’t , maybe it will atleast lessen some of the anger I have against myself.

Maybe Ive learned something important about myself.
I've probably got a lot more to learn.
I just hope the karma is kind to me , however it works out.: )

Massive thanks all.
Anyway , I’ll say how it all ends up.

Any more thoughts anyone???

 

What is the problem...??? Sounds like you like her, do you not believe in anything more than a one than a one night stand? I didn't think so, go get the girl. Goodluck and hon don't be afraid of love. Sometimes it actually happens if your lucky.

 

My heart ( which usually says sweet nothing on relationship matters as Im usually governed by my dick) tells me “yeah do something about it , and try as some other nuts believe in this type of destiny thing"

You may want to venture the possibility that the above statement may still be in effect, if you cant ask your heart(the damn liar) and your dick wont manage the solution than what really have you gained from the devine intelect youve shared and recieved?

 

Hi Happy.
Thanks for your kind words.
The problem was a different part of me being brought into play and having to digest so many different things.Only 1 or 2 or 3 days after leaving I had more of an idea.

The people here have been brilliant tho- I think Im a bit clearer on it.
Maybe it wont work , but I have to try my best when I go back.
___________
Hi Adam.
Thanks for your reply.
Im not completely clear on what youre saying.

Its definitely nothing about sex.
Infact I haven’t even thought about sex since( and that’s really unusual for me)
Sure shes beautiful ,but if that was all I wanted Id have much easier avenues.

All I wanted to do was laugh and chat and share things and look in her eyes with a bit of hugging and kissing and holding hands watching her giggle and face light up while we talked.The things we shared -thoughts and stuff.

I literally found my heart was stronger.I’m sure it tells the truth.
If anything I think its my head that lies and told me it wont work because I couldn’t face a challenge or a problem to work out.

What have I gained?
Well the time I ve spent and still think about.
That love seems to me to be something real and “for me”.
I even got this like feeling of why people have kids.
What Ive learned about myself seems to token to the main thing

The truth is , there’s something there , maybe I can get it , maybe I cant .
IF it gets over the first hurdle , sure things could get complicated , but I wouldn’t be a man if I didn’t try step by step.

Thanks both again!

 

I don't have the attention span to read the whole thing, but I think we're supposed to vote on something, so I'll go with C or with whatever gets you laid.

 

Im known to be kind of an ass sometimes, but can honestly say that it sounds like love..............go get her while you can! If you can imagine kids well...then it sounds like you might have the heart pointed in the right direction , good luck mate!

 

Eh.... did you meet her in the lapdancing club ?
If so forget it... love is blindness but try not to be stupid.
I had my own wild adventure with a Russian (not a lapdancer) and gorgeous Russian chicas are everywhere.
Strippers are nuthin but trouble and pain (experience talkin here) - get yourself a regular lady.

 

Hi Jorma.Thanks for your reply.
Regarding sex , it wasn’t like that.
Maybe you can understand that.
I know I prob wouldntve tilvery recently
____________
Thanks for your kind words Adam.
All I can say is , I think its worth pursuing.

Hi Parnell , thanks for your reply.
At the *start*of it , yes we did meet where she worked.

But Ive met loads of strippers , and quite a few of them Russians , and beautiful girls with a sense of humour and whatever else.Most of em , much closer to home and without the assoc'd difficulties.But not like this.Nothing like this.

This was different tho’Like a Road to Damascus type vision!lol
( I think I know what the Road to Damascus was about but maybe u get the idea)

I haven’t even thought about sex since.
Just that if the difficulties are taken away , it looks so ….

Even Julia Roberts cant fake chemistry , its one thing I know when I see .(I think!)

So thanks for your advise.If I find she is
trouble and pain well ok I’ll live with it.-or without it as the case may be.
She is a decade younger than me.And like I said in all my waffle ( post) maybe she will be “sidetracked” like I was.

Shes lapdancing just to make her way in life.( in my view)
To me that’s just her being broadminded , having a dream.Like I have , like my grandfather had when he walked across Russia
to Europe.Like I had when I wanted to work in Russia and America at separate times.
I almost went “escorting “ businesswomen a while back – I don’t think that makes me bad , and lapdancing aint escorting.

The advice that seems to register with me most was the line from Nacencer
“tell her how you feel” and happyhippie’s “go get the girl” and “don’t be afraid”.

Yep Ive made my choice that’s what its got to be.

Thanks again all.