I'm afraid I am about to decide to sacrifice relationships for ambition and success

I thought I was going to be able to be successful without ambition, but I'm having so much fun knowing what I'm talking about that I find I can't stop. I can be very eloquent and effective when I do my research and know my stuff, and I start to hurt people's feelings-- not because I make any personal affront to them, but because I tend to shut them down, logically and completely, without meaning to. This is a very negative feeling but it is also very satisfying. I am starting to crave debate. I want to study and discuss what I learn, but my present high-school environment prohibits serious conversation about any artistic, political, historical, or even social topics. This drives me even farther in my search for discussion.

It is my understanding that successful, driven people often have poor personal relationships because of their emotional attachment to their work. My primary studies have given me so much enjoyment that I feel almost ready to accept that I will have incomplete relationships for the rest of my life-- but I know that this decision could also be disasterous. By becoming successful in a field of my choosing, I open myself to public appreciation-- but from what I have learned from my own public life, which takes place in a high-school-sized community, public attention is not the kind of attention that fulfills. Instead, it takes away and expects, leaving an even greater void in the soul of the succesful person.

I know this, yet I crave recognition in the public eye. Perhaps I believe that if I am accepted widely by the public, I will be validated. Perhaps I believe that I will somehow take their admiration as love, and be happy. However, my logical mind says that can never be so-- by gaining their attention, they will be putting their idea of me on me, so they will never know the true me. How can you love something all you know is your own idea of that thing? You will get tired of it, or disillusioned, sooner or later. To love in such a way for any sustained amount of time is impossible.

It is this inherent and unknowing "infidelity" of the public to a public figure, and the surrounding uncertainty of such an arrangement, that drives me even further towards the security of doing what I love. The problem is, how can I continue to research, question, create, discuss, and debate with such fervor if I feel (or even suspect) that I might someday betray not only the ones I love for my profession, but that I might betray my own ideas of my profession for a public that can never love me or appreciate me the way my close loves do? And how can I maintain those loves when so absorbed in my work, and possesed by a desire to do it to the best of my abilities?

I doubt very much that any of you finished all that, because it is an incoherent mess written at one in the morning. But I had to write it somewhere, because it worries me.

 

You talk too much and you're boring, I was yawning by the third sentence, whatever the fuck you had to say after that is irrelevant.

 

well I looked on your profile and you are currently viewing "I luv Dick Cheese," so now we're even.

 

Well, obviously that isn't the kind of person you will have to worry about debating on any particular topic of interest, lol!
I don't understand why people like that feel the need to make a rude post to something they so obviously don't give a fuck about. Why not just ignore it? If Ispent all my time posting rude shit to stuff I feel is ridiculous and stupid I would need an eight day week.
If you want to find a balance, a happy medium you will. Outside affermation gets old and you will eventually find its mostly shallow. Often relationships suffer w/ supposedly successful people because they pour all their time and effort into their work and give little to anything else.
Its hard to make much of a comment not knowing clearer particulars too. It will be whatever you want it to be, that much I know.

 

I thought I was going to be able to be successful without ambition, but I'm having so much fun knowing what I'm talking about that I find I can't stop.-Well, thats good. I try to be like that but it only comes around a small portion of the day, and I am so burned out right now.


I can be very eloquent and effective when I do my research and know my stuff, and I start to hurt people's feelings-- not because I make any personal affront to them, but because I tend to shut them down, logically and completely, without meaning to.- Thats what happens if you argue with people and make them feel stupid.


This is a very negative feeling but it is also very satisfying. I am starting to crave debate.- Then don't debate stuff with your friends/relatives.

I want to study and discuss what I learn, but my present high-school environment prohibits serious conversation about any artistic, political, historical, or even social topics. This drives me even farther in my search for discussion.- That sucks. You can discuss things with people here on the forums.

It is my understanding that successful, driven people often have poor personal relationships because of their emotional attachment to their work.-And if you work too much you'll die from stress.

My primary studies have given me so much enjoyment that I feel almost ready to accept that I will have incomplete relationships for the rest of my life-- but I know that this decision could also be disasterous. - You'd end up schizo or ODed.

By becoming successful in a field of my choosing, I open myself to public appreciation-- but from what I have learned from my own public life, which takes place in a high-school-sized community, public attention is not the kind of attention that fulfills. Instead, it takes away and expects, leaving an even greater void in the soul of the succesful person.- I guess so.

I know this, yet I crave recognition in the public eye. Perhaps I believe that if I am accepted widely by the public, I will be validated. Perhaps I believe that I will somehow take their admiration as love, and be happy.- You wont be happy. They aren't your friends. Do you know how hard that would be?

However, my logical mind says that can never be so-- by gaining their attention, they will be putting their idea of me on me, so they will never know the true me. How can you love something all you know is your own idea of that thing? You will get tired of it, or disillusioned, sooner or later. To love in such a way for any sustained amount of time is impossible. - I just said this. Why do you answer your own questions?

It is this inherent and unknowing "infidelity" of the public to a public figure, and the surrounding uncertainty of such an arrangement, that drives me even further towards the security of doing what I love. The problem is, how can I continue to research, question, create, discuss, and debate with such fervor if I feel (or even suspect) that I might someday betray not only the ones I love for my profession, but that I might betray my own ideas of my profession for a public that can never love me or appreciate me the way my close loves do?- Spend time with the ones you love and make your work seperate from the time you spend with them. Don't discuss your work with them. When you are with your friends/family your only goal should be to open up as much as possible and be happy.

And how can I maintain those loves when so absorbed in my work, and possesed by a desire to do it to the best of my abilities?- Its not hard to slack.

I doubt very much that any of you finished all that, because it is an incoherent mess written at one in the morning. But I had to write it somewhere, because it worries me.- Ok, heres what I think. I think you are expected WAY to much of yourself. Sometimes (actually every day, for hours at a time) I walk around with my head in the clouds thinking of all the great things I could do (and I feel the way you described now). Then at other times, I'm really depressed. Maybe your not like me and your lucky.

If you don't have real friends you spend time with, you will become depressed, and I don't want you to be like me. A very high percentage of the gifted population commits suicide. Especially people with IQs over 150. If you work a bunch then you might become schizo. Go rent and watch the movie "A Beautiful Mind".

Have any questions for me?

 

you grew up fast, that can be confusing in itself, but your not done yet so dont worry too much about it.You will amazed at the changes you have yet to go through, that will always go through. Soon you will leave this babysitting world for the academic world, lot of big fish in that pond, and your gadgeing love with a logical mind? good luck with that

 

Rahman, the kind of school I go to is full of yuppie socialites who don't read the newspaper, and so I defend my logic. However, I'm not denying an inflated ego.

I thought I made it clear, in the latter half of my confession, that the kind of success I'm after is public appreciation, not money.

 

Yea, just ignore what I said.

 

HAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

 

is it only for yourself that you brush your hair, are the words you speak only for your self to understand? are bad habits bad because the one doing them dislikes them? if a writers only wrote of things that would reach themselves who would find there work compeling

 

the world is much bigger than your town, the web is much greater than hip forums. if you like being smart, that is a GOOD THING. college isn't full of smart people either, so i wouldn't get my hopes up too much that things will change once you get there.

look around, get involved, put it to use. don't dummy up for your friends and family, don't whet your skills on them either. there's LOTS of smart people out there just waiting for you.

 

just my two cents but



first of all you seem a tad full of yourself, just a tad though

do you place alot of important on intelligence? and judge people by it?



second I dont see why you cant win an arguement gracefully so the other party doesnt get pissed. Maybe you could improve on that?? But dont be a phony!


Im guessing partly based on your 'zingger' (insult)
'well I looked on your profile and you are currently viewing "I luv Dick Cheese," so now we're even. '
that you dont seem to take jokes or understand when people are joking and then you respond seriously.

Example
Dude: Wow i raced here i must have gone 300 miles an hour
You: Actually thats impossible because the top speed on your make of car is 194 miles an hour

How sure are you people like you less after loosing an arguement to you?


Ok ive got it after winning an agruement end it with

'or maybe not oh well it doesnt matter that much anyways'


iono just my 2 cents u would know if this applies to you or not

 

No.. you made yourself very clear, thank you. I have suffered from the kind of depression you discuss, and working hard is one of the ways I can keep myself from feeling unhappy that way. I'm sorry I offended you by not responding, but your opinions are not unfamiliar to me.

By public appreciation, I mean fame and widespread admiration. I tend to take people as they come and don't really form opinions on them.. and when I do formulate an idea of how they work, I tend to give them more credit on an individual basis than some of my peers do...

Thanks man, that's encouraging

Well, first of all, my response to his little comment was not meant seriously. I suppose you might have picked up on that had I included a little "" I don't tend say something like the example you gave, and I often exaggerate in the same way.

My problem isn't that people might like me less after losing an argument to me. What makes me sad is that they might characterize it as "losing" when all I want is intelligent discussion, without malice, and really in the spirit of acedemic investigation... and you see, to me it really doesmatter that much anyways, and any denial of that fact would make me "phony." So I guess I'd better find new outlets for my, ehh, inquisitive spirit.

I'm also not denying allegations of being a "tad full of myself." I'm working on it.

Thanks for commenting, you all, by the way.

 

Thank you VERY much gdhmomchild! What an insightful and lucid comment. You truly are inspirational, thanks again!

 

you might try attending a toastmaster's meeting in your area. it's more of a corporate group, but they get together to practice their debating/public speaking skills.

http://www.toastmasters.org/
Through its member Clubs, Toastmasters International helps men and women learn the arts of speaking, listening and thinking – vital skills that promote self-actualization, enhance leadership, foster human understanding, and contribute to the betterment of mankind.
​