We all start out free spirited, but we don't all end up that way. Its a bitch striping off all the bull society has added to us to weigh us down and keep us conforming. How can we raise our children in such a way so that they never have to go through that? I want my babies to always be free spirited, 100% themselves with no apology. Im doing the best I can. I was wondering what all you awesome parents thoughts were about this and what you are doing to ensure your kiddies free spirit makes it to adulthood?
I have two free-spirited , responsible, and well adjusted adult children (23, 20) who I adore and respect with all my heart. They truly have it together and I still aspire to be more like them A few things worked for me as they were growing up: Introduce them to our awesome Lord and lead through example (but NEVER beat yourself up for mistakes....believe me I made a lot of them....I always tried to find a lesson ) Teach them to NEVER judge another human being You have not followed their journey through life Guide don't cage Listen...don't react Luv Ya'll Lilahnee
great advice, lilafran55! I don't have kids just yet, but my advice is to let them explore and imagine- allow them to go barefoot and feel the earth under their feet. Let them play in the rain if they want to. Let them know it's okay to express themselves in whatever way they wish and that they shouldn't feel self conscious. Allow them to interact with all kinds of people (supervised by you, of course). I would also advise letting them watch little (or no) television-and when they do, only educational programs (Nature, PBS, etc). TV in my opinion is horrible for kids' development. It's also a real self esteem killer. Kids should be playing outside and fingerpainting and making forts and playing dress up! If you can shelter them from the weight of the "real world" while they're young, and teach them to be confident and creative, they'll be able to deal with the pressures they'll inevitably face later on in life. This is just my opinion, but it's how my mom raised me and my siblings and so far, it's worked pretty well!
I totally agree on the no tv thing. We don't watch tv around here, just the occasional movie. We don't have magazines full of images of what society thinks women should look like either. So so bad.
The no or minimal tv is probably the most important thing. I had tv as a kid, but germany only had 2 programmes back then, and in my area also 2 austrian and two swiss, but they were about the same quality as the 2 german ones. There was in the afternoon an hour kids program, and we were watching part of it. Then suddenly, there was "private" satelite tv, with commercials, and tons of weird cartoons, and knightrider, and whatever. We started to watch tv a lot, but our mom sent us outside, and there was no tv before a certain time and no tv if we didn't do anything else. When I was 10 (i am the oldest), we moved to a house, that had NO tv connection. And we the kids decided, without pressure from parents, that it's going to stay that way. And guess what, we didn't miss it!!!!
You're staring at a piece of furniture! People on TV are not your friends. They're not in the room with you. You are alone in the dark, staring at a plastic box. Think about it. This is like a science fiction horror story; but it's really happening. People have stopped living as humans and connected themselves to machines instead. You're only going to live for 75 years, if you're lucky. How much time do you have left? Enough to spend one whole day every week with fake friends, watching their imitation lives instead of living your own? TV doesn't give you experiences, it takes them away! On your deathbed, what if someone could give you back those ten years of television? What if they said you could have another ten years to be with the people you love, find new people, do things differently. What would you say?
I hate to hear kids talk about tv. Just last night, at our Girl Scout meeting, a little girl asked me if I had seen some commercial. I said no, we don't watch much tv and if we do, we turn the volume down during commercials. She said, no tv! What do you do? I told her that we read books and play games, we like to play outside and go places. She thought about that, and then she said, does your husband make you read books all the time? Can you believe that?! That made me want to cry. But, back to the original topic, I think that being a good example is really important. At my house, we all speak our minds and help each other. We listen to jazz on the radio and play games. We take little "field trips" to parks and museums (whatever is free!). Our daughter has seen all different types of people and places. She knows about recycling and composting and organic gardening. I am very proud of her, she is a great kid, and I really think she will stay that way.
Yeah, setting examples is probably what kids are really benefitting. I mean, how credible is a mother, who sits in front of tv all day, telling her kids to go outside, because tv is bad?
ya know, we tried not having tv, and computers, and junk food, but found that by having exposure to these things in moderation, our kids are less obsessed by them. "Forbidden: things are always so inticing. Anyway, my adult kids, as well as those that are still young, all seem to have kept their free spirited, creative sides in tact. We have 7 kids and they are are very unique individuals. Both of my sons are making a living as musicians, one daughter is studying to be a traditional midwife, another is an equestrian, training dressage horses, another is is a dancer and plans to compete and teach various forms of swing dance. Of the younger two, one is passionate about singing and music, and the other is into art and fashion and sports. All are artistic, creative, and intellectual and not afraid to be different from their peers, or the expectations of society, yet get along well with people of all ages, ethnic and cultural backrounds. Here are some of the things we have done that I think have facilitated raising free spirited, creative individuals: ~following our own creative, free spirited philosophies, and leading by example. ~living a little outside of the mainstream / embarcing counter culture. ~Exposing our children to art, music, literature, theater, and world cultures, at an early age. ~following gentle parenting philosophies that respect the child ~Encouraging them to think for themselves, and think out side of the box. ~Encouraging them to follow their passions, as we also followed ours. ~Home Educating them rather than sending them to government institutions to be programed and having to spend so much time de-programing. ~Making people are more important than things in our lives. ~Not handing things to them, but instilling a work ethic by our own example, and by including them in the real work of making a home. ~loving life and enjoying the differences in people and cultures.
I came to a strange half-realization that's just been fully realized. Last night I watched my son stand inches in front of the TV and I found myself telling him to move because I couldn't see. I became suddenly so uneasy. But I work full-time and with all the crap I've going through with my son's father and money and whatever I'm tired all the time. So it's become sooooo easy to flip on the TV and disappear for those few hours. It's easy but it's not okay. And as I read through this thread I'm beginning to see that this pattern has to change. Luckily, he's only 3 and has only been recently been interested in TV so it won't be this big disruptive thing in his life but I don't want to be that mother who becomes so disconnected with her child and what their doing because I'm too busy watching TV. I feel somewhat sicked with myself... Also, about the homeschooling thing. I like the concept but how does that work if you have to work full-time? There's no way around that part, I have to work and also, what about the social aspects. The biggest part of school is establishing friendships and in essence, finding a role in society so how is that possible if not given the same social environment?
Wow, mosaicthreads...that is some AMAZING advice. I'm not a parent yet...but I'll definitely keep all those ideas in mind when/if I do have children of my own.
i keep lots of crafty things around for her to mess with. i also live where i can keep the door open and let her roam freely without ever losing sight of her. it's abit harder now that i'm on bedrest, though. but i was never quite able to fit into the mainstream either, so i'm not too worried about my daughter being too much a conformist. she does get to watch some tv, Baby Story (where they're giving birth) or Funniest Animals, Blue's Clues and at night after supper, she gets her dose of Scooby Doo or Tom and Jerry. thankfully she's very good at keeping herself entertained. her classes will start soon, little things to get her to focus, but still creative things: dance, gymnastics, bug club, crafty class. but really, i think a bit of boredom is a good thing.
I read an article about how that really is a good thing! A big fault of today's parenting (in some groups of people) is that parent organize too much for their kids. So kids have a too sceduled week. Monday instrument lesson, tuesday ballet, wednesday churchgroup, and so on, and that kids don't learn to entertain themselves, and to make something own out of their time.
decided to do a search for "raising free spirited children and this was 1 thing I found Raising Your Spirited Child Where is the line between nurturing your child’s unique spirit and letting him or her get away with murder? That’s a line that may be hard for some readers to find in this book. Kurcinka’s plan falls firmly in the “change the environment instead of changing the child” category, and while that’s an immensely successful strategy with children who legitimately cannot change, it can be a fairly catastrophic one with kids who are just playing the old folks. I do believe that some children really do misbehave on purpose, to see what they can get away with. I don’t believe my personal neurologically challenged child does. Each reader will have to make that distinction for their own kids, and consider this book’s advice accordingly. For those of us with kids who, for reasons of neurology or temperament, are really bad at being good, “Raising Your Spirited Child” is an enormous relief. Thinking of your child’s difficulties as personality traits to be nurtured in positive ways instead of squashed in negative ones can make parents feel like parents again instead of police. Understanding the ways in which your particular personality and temperament may clash against your child’s can help you find ways to compromise and feel better about yourself as well as about your child. Those are significant gifts for an author to give her readers.
I have a lot to say about this. there are totaly ways to keep the spirit high and long. I'll post more later too
well, you know, they get too scheduled and next thing you know, they spend the rest of their lives expecting someone else to run it. it's terribly sad.
I agree about that. We have a tv, but no cable and sometimes we go for days without turing it on. Of course, we have a computer and my daughter is allowed to use it. She has some games that she likes, but not too many. The big rule in our house is no tvs (or computers or video games) in bedrooms. As for junk food, I don't buy it much because I know that no of us has the willpower to choose healthy food over junk. So, it is a lot easier to keep healthy stuff around. If we want sweets, I will usually bake something. It's better homemade anyway.
Ooooh, what to do? I mean, I want my kids to be creative, self-confident people, but if I give my kids an inch they take a yard. I mean they literally take the neighbors' yard over and cover it with, well, nevermind. I hope this is just a phase. You know, I was raised in the counter-culture. Sometimes I went to alternative schools and sometimes I went to public schools. Sometimes I lived in intentional communities and sometimes I lived in cities. Sometimes we didn't have TV for years at a time. Sometimes we had it. I still don't seem to be able to fit in anywhere. Sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I wonder, though, should I raise my kids the way I do, with my hippy values, etc.? Or should I give in to some things so that maybe they'll have an easier time conforming and adjusting and fitting in? Don't take that the wrong way, please. I am not saying that we shouldn't raise our kids to be hippies. I just wonder if my life is a litlle harder because I grew up so outside of the mainstream. Or maybe it's just me. I know that there are some other grown hippy-kids who feel this way, though. I guess it's just really important to give our kids a strong sense of self so that they won't feel like outsiders in a negative way.
Thats a good point Levi. I don't want to cause my kids to feel like they are left out of something. I want them to be self confident people who can be content with however they choose to make thier lives.
Good. Then you understand what I meant. I am not saying 'CONFORM'. I am just saying that it really benefits kids to be able to relate to mainstream people somewhat. They're going to have to deal with those people sometimes, so exposing them to that and giving them those skills is like giving them a tool to help them survive when they have to deal with that. At the same time, if we can find that balance, our kids will be these creative, self-confident people who can deal with main-stream people and culture, but not be swallowed whole by it. They'll be creative problem solvers, too, able to look at things in different ways.
