Lust and Love

I don't know what it is but I have think I have trouble with the two. Like I would see an attractive girl one day (*sigh* she seems pretty cute) and the next she would be wearing a mini skirt or say something extremly sexual or personal and I would be (omg she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen! I have to go talk to her) I wrtie poetry quite often and this is when I write it best, they just look so much more devine almost like angels and I keep saying to myself how can lust make me feel this way it must be love, as you can imagine this drives me crazy ALL the time, especially when I get into a relationship and realise I'm not happy. Does anyone else have this problem? Is there anything I can do to solve it???

-thanks

 

Did you ever think that looks ar'nt everything??
I mean geez.. to me it sounds like you are just another one of those guys, who goes for the "sexy girl" with the IQ of a wall.. No offence.. but thats just what I gather...
Of course looks are important to some extent, but you have to realise that if you are ever going to be happy in a relationship, then you need to go for a girl with a REAL personality.. not a fake wanna be bitch .
Try getting to know the chick before you "get all crazy" about her bod.

 

Cause we all know all the pretty girls are always dumb. Seriously, there wasn't anything in his post hinting at that.

Anywway, it seems that yeah, it's just lust basically.. Just try to get to know them better before anything you now? That's really the only advice for your situation.

 

sort of a mix of the above posts - yes, try getting to know someone before you judge them (positively or negatively).
I'm not saying that the pretty girls are all dumb, but someone says "as you can imagine this drives me crazy ALL the time, especially when I get into a relationship and realise I'm not happy" then maybe they are going after the wrong type of girl.

one way to solve it - maybe broaden the field, try going after different types of girls
. There's this mega-cheesy quote, but it's sort of accurate, about how "you don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them".

ga, i don't know....maybe try lusting after a girl's personality rather than her mini skirt, and see if that changes the relationship.

 

Lust is better, it's the "love" of the independent.

Love is an emotional attachment built on a mild form of psychosis called "infatuation" and reinforced by traditional mores through social conditioning.

 

I'm sorry if my post came off that way but by no means am I ANYTHING like "those" guys I can't stand guys with dicks for heads. Anyway yeah I know I should get to know a girl before thinking about the way she looks I guess I'm just stuck backwards: approaching all the girls I find attractive then finding their personality. but it's like I get feeling I can't control when it happens, feelings of uttermost bliss and sexsuality also the peak of my creativity (oddly enough) I don't know. When I said "that's why my past relationships fail" is not entirly true, I have had only 1 steady girlfriend and I don't think you can really even consider it "steady" I am just so frusterated with myself.

 

I can't tell if you're serious or being just plain ambiguous, however, I agree with some points of this. Often, especially young people (I'm allowed to say this; I'm young) mistake "an emotional attachment built on a mild form of psychosis called "infatuation" and reinforced by traditional mores through social conditioning" for Love. Personally, I call it 'obsession.' Love, on the other hand is something you create within yourself... a deep acceptance and compassion for yourself and your partner. It is unconditional. The difference is this: Say I get into a relationship with a boy. I think I love this boy because when he comes close to me it becomes harder to breathe, and I feel tickles of pleasure rippling across my skin. My heart feels like it's trying to squeeze out through my ribcage to be closer to him in every moment, and it's incessant: this desire to be closer, and I want him to pull me closer and merge his lips with mine... but anyway, eventually, after days, weeks, months, perhaps years, this passion begins to tire, and eventually fade to a kind of memory. He doesn't seem so magical anymore, and I begin feel a little upset.. like I've been betrayed--whether by him or by myself, it isn't clear. I am now unhappy in this relationship, but I continue to try to fool myself and my partner by ignoring this lack of passion....
That is obsession. Love is a feeling that, if nurtured and cared for, will flourish and bloom. It will warm the cold crevices of your soul. Not only that, it will seep into your relationships and bring with it a satisfaction you previously doubted could ever be.

 

oop.. redundant post.

 

"Love" is in your head. "Love" is subjective.

Many people, however, try to "objectify" this emotion as if it was some entity that existed in the ether. It is an emotion, a feeling which is nothing more than any other feeling that comes from certain neurons in your brain being stimulated a certain way.

This, to me, does not lessen "love", but merely allows it to be your own. You can gain it, keep it, throw it away, lose it, but mostly just enjoy it while it lasts (whether that be for a few months or for your lifetime).

 

I firmly believe that there is no difference between the two.

 

Now that is some deep shit

*grins in admiration*

:H

 

I think there is a big difference. Guys generally lust after a hot, sexy looking woman. It's just natural. It's the way we're designed. So you can certainly have lust without love. You can also have love without lust. A lot of relationships start off with only lust, then love develops later. The perfect relationship has both lust and love, imo.

 

I totally agree! you can't have one without the other for a relationship IMO it's just I always confuse the two or look in a different direction.

 

It's really, really easy to confuse lust with love. If you really lust for somebody it's very easy to develop an infatuation as well, which sometimes feels like love, but it's not. I know it's hard (no pun intended), but just try to keep things in perspective.

 

Is their a difference.

 

use the force anakin

 

Well, ok, love is a stronger and more permanent form of lust.

I do not think so. It would be a totally different feeling.

 

why?

I am. Pluralities ought not be supposed without necessity. IMO.

 

But is there anything I can do to help me distinguish between the two like "if you feel this way would you be able to... etc..."

 

That is a really tough question to answer. Sometimes being able to distinguish between the two just comes with maturity and experience - sometimes experience with broken hearts and relationships that don't work out. Sooner or later you'll kinda feel the difference. But one thing I think might help distinguish it. And I know some won't agree, because some people seem to think love and lust (or sex) are all the same or you can't have one without the other. But I don't agree. Love and lust are two different things, imo. So, if you feel like you are deeply in love with someone, think about this: what if something happened and you could never ever have sex with this person again. Would you still want to stay with her? Would you still want to be with her, like maybe forever? If it's really love, you would. If it's only lust, the idea of never being able to have sex with her would probably drive you away from her eventually, because you never had real love for her.

Like I said, this is just the way I feel about it, and I've had lots of experience, plus I've been married twice. But others may have some different answers or ideas that may also help you sort this out.