Air Force options, Family issues, PLEASE HELP!! This is a very long post. Pleas read.

Ok so now I'm really having trouble thinking this through. Basically my mother and grandfather suggest it would be good for me to join the air force, but I can't conclude if it would be best for me.

I was originally going through the "softbook program" where I signed up during High School and would be going into the force as soon as I graduated. However the recruiter was a jackass and sent me off to meps (physical n whatnot) without any documents/papers. So I got to spend a day in Spokane for nothing. Anyways my mom believes things happen for a reason, and said I didn't have to join if I didn't want to. (I said I wanted to wait)

Now I've graduated, and haven't made much progress. I haven't found a job (well, I DO have a job, but it's hobbylike and doesn't pay much), and am not going to college. (I was signed up for 2 classes but I'll get on that later).

So basically I've been "goin with the flow" for a couple months and am still living at home. Well now I've been having confrontations with my Stepdad who has a temper/anger problem. He gets pissed off when anything doesnt go perfectly (I.E. I do everything he says without flaw or complaint). So I've been thinking I need to move out. I found a car (which I'm gonna talk to the seller today about) for $600 (that runs!) and a good fair priced apartment. The only thing now holding me back is a job that would pay enough for Rent ($450) Plust other necessities (Electricity, Phone, Gas, Internet, Cable, Food, Etc. = >$200 [around $800 a month basically]). I have a good $6000 saved up, which if I needed to move out RIGHT AWAY would get me by untill I find a job.

Well about this time I'm getting excited about moving out and starting my own life. I had signed up for 2 classes at the college (DC Electronics 101, and Network +) but the schedule was seriously screwy (9-10 am, 4:30 - 6:15 pm) so my mom and I decided I would just drop network + and get some electronic experience, and this way I could have a decent work schedule when I get a job.

So far all is well.

(Now this next part is a bit personal, and could have gotten people in trouble if proper authorities were notified.)

Then mr. wonderful (stepdad) decides to talk (lecture) with me. I never really got along with him since I was little. He is simply too much of an arrogant asshole to be nice to on a daily basis, and I never talk to him if I can help it. He's just no fun to be around. Ever. He questioned me about why I never talk with him (and all of the above) and I just shut right up. I couldn't talk to him if I wanted to, because he jumps to conclusions and turns everything I say into poo. So later that day he was gonna have me do something for him (can't remember what) and after he tells me what to do I give the sigh of defeat (you know the one, where you know it's gonna suck but you'll do it anyways) and it managed to hit that one button to set him off. He stares me down and gives me the whole "Attitude" nonsense (every time I piss him off he says I have an "attitude" which then gives me an attitude because I didn't have one to begin with. He starts yelling and I tilt my head slightly to the side while I watch spit hit my face in slow motion while finding something else to think about while his words flow straight in one ear and out the other. He grabs me by the neck and yells some more and threatens to kick me out if "this" continues. Like I said he is violent.

After this is all said and done I go to my room and take a picture of the markings left on my neck. He's cracked a rib and hit me before, and when I tell my mother about these things she does nothing and protects her penis (husband) and plays it off like it was nothing. So knowing she wouldn't do anything I got smart this time and took a picture so if anything, I had proof of his violence for later. I then call my uncle (he and my grandfather, along with a few aunts/uncles are the only family on my deceased fathers side who I have left) because he and my grandfather are the only ones I know I can trust. I tell him about what happens and that I will call him later when things settle down. They've known about my stepdad's anger problem for a while now, and unfortunately they only hear my side of the story (try as I might to understand and repeat my stepdad's side).

Well then my uncle decides to call my grandfather (his dad, duh) and tell him about this. My grandfather then calles my mother and threatens her and tells her that she has a violent husband.

Now the shit's hit the fan.

She comes to me and askes about the pictures. I thought I could trust her so I showed them to her. She then goes straight to hubby who nearly shits. He throws my door open, the vein in his forhead bulging, tells me to pack my shit and get out NOW (while he watches, of course). Now the apartment I was going to rent wasn't vacated yet, so I woud have to stay at my grandfathers untill it's available. I figure it's time so I do as he says. I try to tell him that I can't have everything out right away because I have a few pieces of furniture. He didn't care.

So this goes on for a few minutes untill my mom takes me to talk with my grandfather. So I spill and get everything off my chest (except for the apartment & car, they know nothing yet) and things eventually settle down. My mother convinces me to delete the pictures I took. My grandad says it would be a good idea to reconsider the air force, since I would be getting away from my parents, and get experience/education for free, rather than pay out the ass for college. This seemed like a good idea at the time. Luckily the recruiter was on vacation and wouldn't return for a week. We headed home and my mother talks to mr. wonderful and things are, more or less, back to normal. So I drop the last college class and now everybody expects that I'm going to join the Air Force.

Now this is my final dilemma. I have the choice of either going through the air force, or move out and work/live on my own.

I do agree that the air force is beneficial for later on in life, but like some say, it changes a person, and not always in a good way.

There are only two things now keeping me from decision.

I have two older sisters who made some very bad decisions in life, and theirs could be much better right now. One moved out right after 18+graduation (is 23, has a kid now, BF is in jail), and the other didn't even graduate. Plust combine (drugs) and their life is just pure fun now. Watching this happen day by day has deeply hurt my mother. She now expects me to come out perfectly, do good in life, etc. I've never touched drugs and never plan to, so I have that going for me. However if I move out on my own it may crush my mother. I don't know if I can do that or not (reason 1), but when I am pressured into such a decision, I don't know if it can be helped.

If I join the air force, I can kiss all of my comforts and freedoms goodbye. No longer will I be able to go barefoot and grow my hair out. I will return to having some asshole yell at me (at least through basic training, but I will still have to use "SIR" like with mr. wonderful). My life will be written out for me from that point untill I am discharged.

On the other hand, I could refuse to join, and move out into the apartment as planned, get the car, get a job (reason 2) , and live happily ever after on my own. I admit it wouldn't be the rich life, but money doesn't equal happiness.

Thank you very much for reading all of this. This whole dilemma is very hard on me, I don't know what to do. Your advice, comments, and suggestions are all appreciated and I will consider them all. Thank you.

 

That whole situation sucks.

I'd be wary about joining the AirForce, or any armed service, just because I dont really trust the gov't or the armed forces. Personally, I know theres no way I could go through training and be enlisted - it just wouldn't happen...

Moving out on your own will probably be tough, but not impossible. Your sister made some mistakes, you can learn from those. Going out into the world doesn't necessarily mean that your doomed to fuck up, you just need to be careful. See if you can find any friends who would be able to room with you and split the rent, that will help with the financial burden of trying to rent your own place. If you want to continue your education, find yourself a job that will support you and straighten your living situation out first, from there you can take night classes and be a part time student. It will take longer than full time school, but what else can you do?

I'm almost in the same boat as you... My home situation isn't as volatile, but as of now I have no school, no job, no license, and no car, so I really dont know where I'm going either. There's a whole world out there, though. You're not limited to just the Airforce or an Apartment. Right now I'm thinking about just hopping from city to city with my friend and seeing where life takes us, basicly. I'd say whatever you do, keep your options open to change and try something new. Potentially you're sitting on what could be the best years of your life.

 

First of all heero that was a pretty courageous post. You put yourself out there man.

I certainly won't claim to be wise to the world and know what you should do, but reading through your post, and prior things you've said on here, would lead me to conclude that joining the Air Force is something you would be doing to make everyone else happy, not you. There are all kinds of decisions that we make in our lives, but the best ones are usually the ones where we are making the decision either for ourselves, or for those around us who we deeply love, admire and respect.

It sounds like you've got a very good head on your shoulders (hell, I've rarely had $6000 in savings my whole life) and are responsible enough to get out there on your own and figure out what you want to do with youself. PLyTheMan had a great suggestion about finding some friends or someone to room with until you get yourself situated. I wish you the best of luck trying to resolve this scenario.

I will leave you with some words that I live by that help me when I'm unsure how to proceed with things. Don't waste your energy dwelling on your problems, but instead put all that energy into finding solutions. I hope that things work out great for you, whatever you decide to do.

 

heero...*sigh*

Get out of your parents house...it's dangerous for you there...it's not getting you anywhere and by the sounds of it your stepdad is completely off his rocker and, no offense, but it doesn't sound like your mom is much better. You obviously don't have a support system at home. Remove yourself from that situation. That's a start.

By the sounds of it, like another poster said, you don't really want to go to the Air Force. DON'T GO! (That's the opinion I give anyone that considers the military as an "out".) Who says that getting a job, an apartment, and going to school at night isn't the way to go? By the sounds of it, you really know what you want, but you're too scared to go for it.

I moved out when I was 18...lived on random people's couches...at one point, had my own apartment with a roommate...I ended up coming back home when the situation was a little better to concentrate specifically at school. You're young...you have your whole life ahead of you...don't do what others want you to do...do what YOU want to do. (I made the mistake of living for others for awhile...big mistake.)

I think someone also needs to talk some sense into your mother. If your stepdad is hitting you...chances are he's hitting your mom too...Does she have any friends? If she does, maybe you should phone them and tell them what's going on at home...maybe someone could step in? I don't know...sounds like a scary situation.

Good luck brother...my heart goes out to you. PM if you need someone to talk to.

 

Ohhhhhhh yes, a good post... I spent 6 months in the Air National Guard, but got seperated during Basic Training because of an injury... If you have any questions about Basic Training, I won't lie to you... Military life in general, I can't say anything about, since I lived at home and only had to do military stuff once a month... Even then, I didn't do anything because I wasn't trained

Basically, though, if YOU aren't 100% sure whether you should enlist or not, don't even talk to the recruiter. Do your research and know what is going on and what is going to happen before going to a recruiter. Know what you want, and don't sign your name to anything if the thing you're signing doesn't say what YOU want it to say. Remember, recruiters are there simply to get warm bodies into a uniform, they don't care how they have to screw you over to do it.

Seriously, military service is a HUGE commitment. Especially right now with a war going, you're pretty much guaranteed a place... Probably not shooting people or getting shot at, but you'll get deployed for sure. If you don't think you can do that, don't waste everyone's time by enlisting. There will be people to cover your spot. We hear all this stuff about the military being under-staffed, that's crap. Sure, there are spots to fill, but the Air Force alone has half a million new enlistees every year. At any given time, Lackland Air Force Base can hold 50,000 or so trainees. They may lose people every year, but they gain people also, remember that. As long as people keep enlisting which they are, military service is optional. By optional, I stress the fact that it's not anyone else's decision. It's your life that you have to do something with, and could possibly lose, not anyone else's.

The money is decent, if you live on base and shop at the BX. However, it's not just another job. You are there for however long you sign the contract for, and it is VERY hard to get out. When I was kicked out, it was because my injury was a direct result of something that happened before I enlisted. If it hadn't been that way, I would've been stuck at basic training until I was healed (which I still am not, nearly a year later). Even with my circumstances, there were people doing everything they could to keep me there. Nice loophole in the regulations I fell into

It is also a good way to get out of the house, and out of the state. As long as you are enlisted, you will be taken care of. You will be fed, housed, clothed, and paid. In exchange, like you said, you lose a lot of freedoms. If you live on base, your commanders can just come into your house and wake you up if they need you for something. If the boss says jump, you ask how high. You get a speeding ticket, you're not just out some money. May God have mercy on your soul if you get arrested For the record, at Basic Training, if you follow the rules, your feet may be able to feel something other than cotton and rubber for MAYBE 10 seconds a day... Hair regulations, as you know, are very strict. You will wear a uniform to your job every day, so you can't count on that. As far as I know, around the bases are are no dress codes, as long as you're dressed... However, dining facilities and stores generally have the NSNSNS sign and I would imagine they enforce it. The dining facility on the local air force base here actually has a sign saying patrons must wear close-toe shoes... Just an example of how strict that is

Any more questions, I'll be happy to answer them...

 

oh man heero, my heart really goes out to you. I can't imagine having that much anger and hurting a kid, especailly my stepson. Your step dad sounds like a flake and I agree with Annie, I would bet my paycheck he's hitting your mom.

The military isn't a bad life, but it is something that you HAVE TO WANT TO DO, not because you need pay or to make everyone else happy.. someone once said; "in the civilian world you say you work for XXXX, but you say you are "IN" the military". Yes, you do loose some freedoms and you may have to work for some asshole and have no say in it, you could have plans for the weekend and then on Friday afternoon something comes up and you work the whole weekend.

If you don't feel right about joining the AF, then don't, because once you sign on the dotted line, you're IN. Long about the second day of basic, you're marched to the barbershop and BUZZZZZZ off it comes and if you have long hair the TI (training instructor) catches it and then dumps it in your lap ... lotsa guys get misty eyed which is just what the TI is after. AF basic is a mind fuck, 24 hours a day for six weeks. It really isn't bad, but again it is something you really want to do. The AF does have a really good electronics school, but it isn't something you couldn't learn in the real world or even on your own.

I wish you the best and really think hard if you decide to sign up, it is a body, sole and mind surrender.

peace out,
bob

 

If you dont really feel like you wanna go into the air force then simply dont do it. I would suggest that whatever you do that you at least get out of your parents house because that just sounds like a big hairy mess and I wouldnt blame anybody for bailing out of that. I think that if you simply found an apartment somewhere, got a job and then did some school on the side then youd be alright. The air force isnt for everybody.

 

Well I'm not going into the air force. I WILL be moving out very soon. Basically once I get a decent paying job and find an apartment, I'm gone. Oh and I'm gonna have to look for another car, the one I wanted was traded for a better one. Thanks for all your help!

 

Sounds like everythings gonna work out then. Good luck with that.

 

An in between option for you would be to go to college, but go to one that offers AFROTC since you seem to have a bend towards the AF anyway..I think they will give you money while you are in, then you will end up being in the reserves. The best part of going through something liek that is that when you are in service with the military your likfe will probally be easier as an officer then as an enlisted.