Men stay at home?

I don't get it. You say that there is no suport netword for SAH parents. But you described your male friend and all of the females who offered to have play dates and such. Certainly they must make the same offers to each other, and accept them? You even have the word play date to describe when two parents hang out with their children. If there is no suport network, then who are all of these people that you know?

At any rate, if parents don't have suport networds to help with their children more, that's all the more reason that we need to talk about creating them, and not just for males. But really, female suport networks for parents do exist. I've seen them. I was raised by a mother.

 

People could go insane spending all day at home with their kids.

 

Done and did both. I worked for 20 years outside of my home and now work at home with my kids. Spent 20 years making it so that I could when I had kids, be home and have a life and my career. Have been home since they were born as they are more important. My call.

Hands down the kids win...

It is what ever works for each person and family.....if you are happy then the kids will be so.

Stay at home or work.........be happy and like what you do, as the children will adjust and society needs to take another look at what we deem to be the norm.

Men are as nurturing if given the chance and the opportunity.

Parents can suck ......gender aside. You can have a mother who blows it or a father who does. It is not gender related, it is how content you are with your choices in life.

If a parent is not happy then it is an issue, if they are then it will simply be solid for the kids. No matter which parent is working, both or if either are home.

 

David, the "support network" was just standing outside the nursery school, after class. The SAHD was there, too. There really weren't all that many play dates, and I did little "hanging around" other moms while kids played. There were also cliques, and being a good generation older than most of the other moms, I wasn't in them. If you can call 15 minutes hanging around outside the nursery school 2 or 3 mornings a week, then I guess the SAHD had as much of a "support network" as any of us.

Dave, I'm trying to understand you here. But you have a really warped veiw of what SAHMs do. I NEVER "gossip about my sex life" with other SAHMs. That isn't what most SAHMs are doing with their time. MOST of our time is spent taking care of our kids, cleaning, cooking, doing the shopping and hoping, maybe once or twice a month, our kids can play with an other kid. There are NO kids Sage's age in our area, so I spent the ENTIRE summer with not an other adult to talk to until my own husband came home. On the days he played ball, and didn't get home until late, I often would go 48 hours without speaking to an other adult. Not much of a "support system."

I have the occasional client, but I am her "support system" people don't "hang around" with their health care providers. This man at our nursery school had no less of a "system" than myself, or most of the other mothers had.

It isn't that easy for womyn, either. Especially, if you live in an isolated area, or are socially different or a radically different age than other SAHMs in your area. It's a tough job, isolation is part of the equation for all but the most lucky.

 

And I bet it is more difficult for SAHD to hang around with SAHMs compared to another SAHM who feels isolated.

 

or they could learn a little something about not going insane and slowing down to pay attention. Kids are egocentric they just want to play and have a companion next to them. People go insane because kids are "acting up" and they cant handle it because they arnt giving the kid what he needs and it's really all about the adult.

 

Well Maggie, you've just explained what it was that isolated you from any suport network; being a generation older. And you've also described how hard it was; going days sometimes without talking to another adult. And if you don't have any friends that you gossip about your sex life with, that too is sad. And you also mentioned a few cliches of women that you had trouble getting into because of your age. Were those, perhaps, suport networks?

I don't think that anyone was trying to say that it's easy for women. What I was saying is that it's even harder for men because of how our gender rolls are set up. And I gave four ways in which that's so.

Personaly, I plan to create quite an extensive suport network for myself by the time I have children, because I know that this will help me maintain my sanity. I need to know and trust other parents and some good baby-sitters. Basicaly, a community.