So, tell me about yourselves

I understand. It would be unfair to the both of you. Again, what I'm trying to get at is, is it a lifestyle choice like doing drugs, or is it genetic like being born with blond hair?

Well, anyways, thanks for sharing.

 

no. u still don't get it. by automatically saying homosexuality makes my life miserable you are implying that it's some kind of problem or affliction. well i'm here to tell u that it's no problem 4 me and i don't consider it to be in any way an afflcition. i love my sexuality. and u know what i love the most about it? i love travelling to a foreign country, say indonesia, and getting off the train at any old place and within 24 hours i'm hooked up and connected with all that's happening in that town b/c i have automatic entree with the local poofters and the men who have sex with men in that town. and theirs is a secret wonderful world that exists in silent parallel to consensus reality: it's inhabited by boys and men who enter that world for no other purpose than to enjoy carnal congress with another male. everyone knows this world exists but noone speaks a thing about it. straight men can never enter that world or exp its remarkable pleasures. i'm sorry for them.

who ever said that it gives me problems? i think dear it might be you who has the problem.

that's entirely up to u. doesnt mean i'll stop flirting with u if i want to. :sunglasse

as they say over here, don't knock it till you try it.

same rule applies for anyone i meet: it's always case by case. u begin to see after a while that what ppl say they are has very little to do with they're really like as a person.

in that case if u insist. better u don't send me any photo then, this way the fantasy works better 4 me.

tart

 

Are we still talking about ourselves and stuff? I love talking about myself! I hardly ever get to do it. It's so much fun. I don't have that many friends. Shit like that happens when you're vegan and smell like incense and have a beard.

Okay, so anyway. I'm pretty open to any sexual relations actually. I'd say that despite the facial hair, I'm quite androgynous. I have a definate homosexual preference, but I'm open to heterosexual relationships as long as they're feminist. I'm sick of masculine heterosexism, and refuse to be a part of that type of relationship.
What else did you wanna know? *massive scrolling*
Wow. You seem a bit obsessed with sex. Like life and death, it's a natural process of this ecosystem. Hmm...whatever.
Why did I decide to be gay? Well, I didn't actually. I've recognized my attraction to the same sex since around age four, but haven't openly accepted or acknowledged it until a few years ago. I don't particularly want to be straight. Heterosexuality has become bastardized by societal standards. In some aspects, it's acceptable, and on that level I'm bisexual.
I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, I don't care if people know or not. It's a part of me. I could care less about it. It does bother me to see stereotypes being acted out and mocked but that's typically in the lower ranges of masculine heterosexism and not in the microsom of society that I acknowledge as "worth it."
One thing that does bother me is stereotypes. Again, it's only in base level society, but it is bothersome when people think gays in general should act a certain way and what not. That's bothersome, because I'm not a conformist. I'm a guy that wants to live in the woods in a teepee and have a big garden and self-sustaining CSA farm that I work on. I'm not a limp-wristed pinko mamma's boy.
Anyway....
Any more questions?

 

i agree with u 1000%. i can never understand these 'ex-gay' programmes. how could they possibly do anything but make ppl very confused and fucked up? was this some kind of religious thing sd?

 

that was really well said casey. that's how i feel about it too. i was q bisexual when i was a teenager - in fact i've had more women partners than alot of my stereotypical straight mates (bizarre i know) but the reason i could never have a real relationship with a woman is b/c beyond the sexual element there's nothing in it for me: no attraction, no need, no affinity. yet i can still relate to women well and i have got lots of female friends, straight and dyke so it's not a repulsion thing like some gay men have. in fact, i dont mind the female body either: i can still get slightly aroused by it tho' that's not often, usually when i'm pissed. :sunglasse

 

do u like girly boys?

ps: this is a serious q, not a piss take.

 

Erm...best way to answer that i think is, that I choose to act upon my homosexuality but i do not choose to be homosexual. I choose to have sex with women but i dont choose to have the desire to do that, its already there.

I've been asked how i truley know i'm not attracted to guys if i havent slept with one. My answer is that when i try a food (for example) that I dont like, i dont eat the whole plate full and ask for more knowing that i didn't like the first fork full. I dont contuine to try it for a year or two in the vain hope that maybe one day i'll suddenly start to like it. Simply I accept that its not a food that i enjoy and get something i do like.

Casey x

 

Yeah i know what you mean. There's a whole stereotype that all gay ppl are repulsed by the opposite sex in some way. Certainly speaking for myself its not the case for me. I'm not replused by walls either but i imagine kissing one would do about as much for me as the opposite sex does sexually! Its not a repulsion thing its an attraction thing.

I think some ppl do choose to be gay on some level and maybe not on purpose, but its a misconception that we have all chosen to be gay. I think to most of us we are just acting on feelings that come naturally to us.

Though i am starting to wonder if, as gay ppl, we sometimes buy into the same stereotypes that society has set for us. Untill the other week i had never in my life set foot in a gay bar because i had a certian picture of them built up in my head. It wasn't as bad as i'd presumed but i dont think i'll ever be able to hold the whole 'gay scene' thing in high regard.


Casey x

 

Wow. Lots of comments to catch up on.

I'm sorry if I implied that, but I don't believe I said that anywhere.

 

Since I've asked a number of questions about you, I'll be nice and tell you a little about myself.

I am currently going to college now, like I said in an earlier post, and am of the age 18. While you never said it explicitly, but I'm sure you thought I was heterosexual since I said I wasn't gay. I left a few subtle hints around, never referring to heteros as "us" or "us heteros". To tell the truth, I am asexual. Generally, the sexual stuff in either homosexual love and heterosexual love disgust me. Homo love moreso, but that's because of the ass and I already talked about that. Now, we asexuals do not have quite the hardship you guys do. You're the ones in the spotlight right now, and asexuality is less controversial and more unappealing. We might get our turn though. Who knows? I'd think you non-standard sexual orienation types would accept us asexuals better than heteros would, but as someone else pointed out, you being sexual beings too, might join with the heteros in teasing us. One thing I find interesting, but also amusing, is I hear that the Gay and Lesbain Center is going to be introducing information on asexuality as well.

But even now, we have our share of crap. Some religious types are known to say "sexuality is a gift from god, asexuality is a sin." Well poo on him! Here's a blog about asexuality, http://althouse.blogspot.com/2005/06/out-asexuals.html, with a number of comments degrading us. Here is the Asexual Headquarters: http://www.asexuality.org/home/ where you can find some more information if interested. It has a forum there too, which I belong to, and people of all orientations are invited, and do, go there.

Anyways, about that true story about the transexual son mentioned earlier. I could relate, in a way, to the son in the story. Back in the earliest school years, I was told I walked like a girl. Well no one told me! I did eventually correct it, but some thought I was still gay for some reason. One time in fifth grade, we were playing tag on the playground and some guy disappeared into a tunnel. Him being my best shot, I just shot out my hand to tag him and of course, I end up slapping him on the ass because it was the part closest to me. That certainly didn't help my reputation either.

I read somewhere else that insisting you're a girl is another sign of homosexuality. I do that, but that's because I like to joke around a lot, I'm not particularly concerned with gender, and because I have grown to be embarrased to be male. I don't know why, but that's the truth. I have also had a psychological test that shows that I do have more of a female gender identity. Now, I'm not exactly girly like some of you gays might be(stereotype). I don't sew(though it would be a useful skill), gossip much, or anything, but I do enjoy cooking a little bit, shopping(not so much for clothes), and I hate many typical macho things like cars and sports, and such.

I never took it to the extreme the son in that story does though, I just don't feel a need to change my gender. Even if I'm embarassed at times, I am okay with being male in general. I have wondered though, if I was gay, as I'll admit that I can enjoy looking at shirtless boys. My criteria for something I'd look at is strict, but I can enjoy some male beauty. As I said in another topic, I know I'm not gay because I don't want to see them completely naked or anything. *shudders* I'm not sexually attracted to boys. In fact, one of the topics linked to a number of pictures. I know I was foolish for thinking it would be no more than shirtless pics, so when I saw complete nudity and hardcore gay gang-banging, I got sick to my stomach and back-pedaled out of there as fast as possible.

Well, thanks for sharing, everyone. I guess I'm done here. Before I go though, are there any transexuals here that'd like to share their story? But before I go, is there anything anyone else would like to share, or even ask me? Yes, I am allowing you guys to ask me a few questions before I go too.

 

before u go masked man, what did u really come here for? was it your psychology thing, or just plain old curiosity?... and you're going? just when it starts to get interesting...

 

You say if it's for psychology or just plain interest. If you mean if it's for psychology class, then no it's not. But I am here because I have a psychological interest in atypical sexual orientations. Probably because I don't have any sexual attraction is what makes me wonder why anyone gets involved with anyone. I guess that's all. I mean, there's always more things to ask you, but my mission has come to a close. I don't have much more reason to hang around here. I'm not gay, nor do I have a real interest in becoming homosexual.

Oh yes, I remember reading in some other topic that said that gays are the only ones that can respect a relationship. That's not true, I'm sure there are homosexual assholes just like heterosexual ones. There are a number of sensitive hetero guys too. But also in general, I'd think asexuals would make some of the best relationships because we're not obsessed with having sex. We don't just drool over ourselves through the entire date waiting to have sex. Not that I've been on a date. I'm the type of asexual that's just not interested in relationships either.

Well, looking back at my last paragraph, I have to cringe. I saw the redundancy and it bugs the hell out of me! But anyhow, I'll stick around for a while longer to answer any more questions or read some other things some might want to add. You won't have to put up with me much longer.

 

now that u've made it clear what ur on about it all makes sense. good 4 u. i hope u have good luck on your journey of discovery. i have one q tho', 2 actually: does being asexual mean u never get a hard on or have a wet dream? and are u equally disinterested in woman as u r with guys? how does that work.... just curious that's all

 

Lol. It didn't make sense before?

Well, thanks. You have yourself some fun too.

Good questions. One thing you should realize is that we asexuals are a motley bunch but we all fall on the same spectrum so I suggest you check out AVEN, our forum. But I can try to answer your questions. No, it doesn't mean we don't ever get erections, it just means we have little to no sex drive. Personally, I'm one of those asexuals that masturbates to get rid of excess hormones and clear my head. Some don't even need to do that. I personally find it as an inconvenience though. It's become harder and harder for me to masturbate, two other reasons I do it is because of habit and it helps me get to sleep. I mean, sure we might even get erections from looking at people, but it's unlikely. Typically, at the most, even if we are looking at people with good-looks in mind, we probably won't get an erection. As for wet dreams, I'm sure asexuals can have them too. I don't think I've ever had any though, but that's probably largely because I masturbate before I go to sleep.

Pretty much. Once again, you should go to the forum as there are people with different interests, but typically, we are equally sexually unattracted to either gender; the exact opposite of bisexuality. However, some asexuals, not me though, do go through romantic relationships. I recall a poll that's probably still up on that site, asking if you were "Asexual-homo, Asexual-hetero, Asexual-bi, or Asexual-asexual. I don't know if it meant whether or not you might have some tendencies of a certain orientation or what. I mean, I'm probably closer to hetero than anything else, if I had to pick one I'd go with that, but I think it means romantically, so I label myself as asexual-asexual. Namely, I'm not sexually attracted to anyone but I'm not really into romantic relationships either. So I believe there are some asexuals that might be interested in homosexual romantic relationships and such.

I hope that answers your questions, at least in part.

 

Yes, it was a religious thing. This all happened about 20 years ago, and my understanding and feelings about sexuality and religion have changed in a big way since then.

I suspect there are lots of other gay people in environments where they are conditioned to believe that something is very wrong with them for being gay. If everyone and everything around you seems to say that you will suffer all your life and beyond for being gay, you will at least look into getting "ungayed."

Gay people need to meet the right people...friends and lovers, people who "get" us. We also need to have the right experiences. In some places, that is more difficult than others. I have my share of ideas about how to counter the ex-gay movement, but that probably belongs in a separate thread.

 

i was one of the lucky ones who grew up with a complete absence of any religious training or indoctrination whatsoever (apart from wussy old sunday school). it's only now that i look back and think how fortunate i am: three of my best friends are/were from deeply, strictly religious families and all three had the most terrible and painful time coming out. one friend, a catholic, committed suicide unfortunately: the church had so posioned him he was unable to enjoy any of life's sexual pleasures without impossible guilt. the other two are older friends who had to wait till middle age to summon enough courage to do it. and that's been hard for them too. me? i was fucking boys at 16 and getting a dreadful name for myself. society slapped an angry hand against my defiant face but i never surrendered to its demands. had i been religious i think the struggle would have been much harder.

 

Hey, the Church is always right. Alwaaaayyyssss. *thunder crackles*

Anyways, you never answered my question at the end of my anecdote. I wanna know the answer!

 

thanks for your answers, db. it's a world i've never given much thought to i've gotta say, but i can see how it would be hard in this world of (hetero) sex in your face and relationships being the lynchpin of existense, idealised and glamourised beyond recognition as they are for so many. i was briefly asexual once in my life when i had 'nerves'. i got zonked out on some v heavy medications and completely lost my sex drive and all interest in the same sex. that lasted for a year or more. i couldn't even masturbate, which for me, too, was a nightly ritual before sleep and i don't think i had an erection for the entire year (and i was 17). once i stopped the tablets it came back slowly and within a year i was back to my old highly sexed self again. it's such a personal thing your sex drive and it's good to see that ppl who are asexual are showing a presence. god knows our cultue needs more than the current dominant roles of male/female and heterosexuality. there can be lots of other ways to express gender and sexuality than through these two, and these two only. if ur interested in other sexual/gender issues you might like to look at raven kaldera, an intersex male married to an intersex woman. very interesting story theirs. they've got a web site u can look at. meanwhile i'll go and look at this site u recommend. i love broadening me mind

 

Oh, and almost forgot. I think you'll find this guy to be very understanding of homosexuality and such: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052_01.asp

 

The melodramatic tone of Jack Chick's tracts has done more to make fundamentalists look bad than anything else I can think of.