I'm a 28 year old virgin with little experience with women and I'm unclear where to go with my dating life. (The reason I ended up as a virgin is mostly because of anxiety and depression its a bit more complicated then that but I don't think its necessary to get into why so much). I’ve started to get my life together and I met a beautiful girl recently. On the first date with her I end up making out with her on her bed. The next night she comes back to my house and wants to sleep with me. You would think that’s a good thing but she doesn't know I'm a virgin and things are happening so fast that I don't know if I can keep my composure. I start making out with her feeling her up and getting her top off. But at this point I'm feeling the pressure and I'm no long feeling sexual I'm feeling anxiety. Now I'm thinking about the fact I can't get it up and what is she going to think of me and things like that. Well I gave up. I get off her and sleep next to her for the night with out saying anything to her. It’s now been over a month since that night and I haven’t seen her since. I emailed back and forth with her for a few weeks but I think I started coming off as insecure and needed (which I was) which made her lose interest in me. I was able to get over my insecurities with her at first which is why I think things went so well at first but after that night I got really worried I might die a virgin. (Melodramatic I know but that’s the thinking it takes to become a 28 year old virgin). Now that the little bit of confidence I had gained before I met her has been crushed I don't know what to do. What do you think I’ll be thinking about the next time I’m tiring to go to bed with a woman? What a great lover I am and how much fun I’m going to have. No I’m screwed or make that not screwed. So I mostly would like to get a female perspective on my situation. I would like to know if I should say anything to the girl I was chasing or just give up with her. I’m still in contact with her but I don’t know if I can salvage anything with her. What would you think if you found out you’re dating a virgin my age? Do you think I should be up front about being a virgin or just tell the girl I’m with I want to take things slow and hope for the best? Do you think I could use the fact that I’m a virgin to help me on an online dating service?
Holy shit, do you live near Memphis by chance? Edit: I'm not trying to be funny, I am serious. This sounds EXACTLY like a good friend of mine's boyfriend... a 28 year old virgin.
I think you should be able to salvage things with her if you are still in contact. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with a virgin at any age. Okay... maybe 90, but then again, I don't want to think about 90 year olds having sex... so we'll just say any age. I think she would be more likely to become interested in you again if you just told her the truth. Chances are she thinks there was something wrong with her, and that's why you didn't continue that night. I'm sure had she known you were a virgin, she would have taken things more slowly or at least been sensitive to the fact. And, if she is uninterested in being with a virgin, then she isn't for you. There are plenty of women out there who understand and don't mind that situation. Good Luck!
I should have given more detail. When I tried to see her again I would ask if she wanted to get together and she wouldn't reply. So when I finally confronted her about her about not replying when I asked her out and asked if she wanted to see me again she sent me this email back. "I am sorry that I gave you a wrong impression. I am not ready to get into a Committed relationship. I just got out of a committed relationship recently and I just want to be independent for once. I do want you to know that you are a really great person and I had a lot of fun with you. I am really sorry." I've talked to her about things that are going on in are lives since this email but that’s about it. I don't really want to talk to her about being a virgin in an email and if she doesn't want to see me in person I'm kind of stuck. I should have added before this email from her she was saying are you ignoring me in her messages if I didn't reply the same day and once she said "Do you not want to hang out with me anymore?" Which was confusing because if I asked her out after she would say something like that she wouldn’t reply. And now she sent an email out to me and her other friends in a group email asking if people wanted to go to this club for her birthday party. I replied and told her I didn't want to see her in that kind of environment when I haven’t seen her after this much time.
I say dont tell her, some women maybe put off by it who knows but if she is not seeking a relationship then chances are she probably isnt willing to put the effort into taking things slow. Next time your about to 'get lucky' and you start getting anxious Think this; its all about you, who cares if she enjoys it? and just enjoy the fore play as selfishly as you can. Now that isnt the best recipe for great sex but it should help you relax and thus 'get it up' once you become relaxed and are enjoying the sex then you can start to focus on her because by that time you should be very relaxed
You should tell her bro... What do you have to lose? Probably the most effective thing you can do is tell her that you really enjoyed spending time with her, and you want to spend more. Just go out and say, look for whatever reason I am still a virgin.. and tell her that night was like a culmination of years of apprehension, and you got really nervous. Then maybe say you want to see her again, and that you wanted to at least explain yourself and let her know it wasnt anything to do with her. Even if she didn't respond to that how you would like her to (but you seriously might be surprised), you will feel a lot better. Liberated so to speak. Man just be straight up with women, who cares what they think overall. They take shits too. You should embrace the person you are, and who cares what anyone else thinks.
Juggernaut, you're fine. It could be worse. I was a lot older than you when I finally gave up my virginity. For a truly amusing tale of what can happen, read [thread=104659]my thread, here[/thread]. And, to answer your question, this girl is giving you all of the signs that she's not at all interested. Maybe you could get a quick lay out of her, but don't you really want your first time to mean more than that?
Actually, he should tell her and if girl is put off by it, then it is good for him to know, because she wouldn't be right for him. Correct? But after that second post, I'd say don't go for her only for your own good. She sounds really needy and posessive. Any girl over the age of 18 should not be saying "why are you ignoring me?" or "do you not want to hang out with me anymore?" That garbage should be left in high school. Find yourself a prize.
Depends what he is looking for, a loving partner or to lose his virginity, not all virgins are waiting for the "right person".
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. She thinks the reason you didnt sleep with her is b/c u want a serious relationship. Little does she know you're a virgin. The real reason why you didint sleep w/ her is b/c of your anxiety, of course. I dont know if telling her you're a virgin might salvage the problem. But to me her response speaks volumes. She thought you wanted something very serious, while all she wanted was to screw. I've been in a similar situation before, so I think I know I'm right on this one.
