A confession of recent discovery

I moved away from home about a year ago. Basically I was sick of feeling like a caged bird under my overprotective family's wing so I packed all my shit and moved halfway across the world. Now I hardly ever talk to my parents or return their calls,which makes them worry quite a bit. I don't intentionally want to hurt them but even from this distance they try to coddle me which really does my head in.Also whenever I talk to them they go on about how their every day is waiting for my return and the happy life we'll have with me living with them again and everything back to the way it was. I love them to death but I have my own life and plans far too big for the shit hole town they all live in.My brother and only sibling died a few years ago and now I feel like I'm letting them down by not being around but at the same time I know I'll be depressed and kill myself if I spend the rest of my life in that hell hole. I wish there was some way for me to make them understand how torn I feel and that but I think any time I tell them plans for my future that don't seem up to their stable ideals they just knock them down so I really just find it easier not to talk to them.Is this horrid and heartless of me?

 

I dont think you're horrible or heartless your just being you. We all feel trapped from time to time but most of us never have the bottle to do anything about it so good for you. Overbearing parents are fucked at the best of times, and i have more than a little experience of this. However maybe you could try talking to them about how you're feeling and why you've done what you've done. Its hard and feels like they dont listen, especially when all that they seem to do is put you down but hey thats parents. Its clear that they are worried about you but its your life and they need to respect that. That said however the death of your brother must've been a massive blow to you all and although i dont know would probably explain some of their attitutude. Hey you dont have to move back but you could pick up the phone, just do it when its best for you.

then again what the fuck do i know

 

right on! live your lifeto yoru own standards!

 

My mother is the same way marquis, and I've tried to talk to her many times about how her negativity and overbearingness makes me feel, and coming from my own experience, I think you made the right move when you left their home. How long have you been away from them? Hopefully the same happens to you, but when I moved away, at first my mom would call me all of the time like your parents do, but eventually she started to back off. She still tries to run my life, and it's hard for me to cut the ties because she pays for my education, but our relationship has gotten better. It was at the point where I would never call her just because all she even did was shoot down my ideas for the future, and now that we don't see each otehr all of time, and don't talk everyday, we can actually hold a normal conversation, even if it's only for 5 minutes

 

you cant tell tehm..they are in transition of your moving out , you jsut have to do it and both deal with it in yoru owen way years from now when its all over thing smellow out and they notice life has gone on for you and your not coming back to move in..by then they also have their own life again and so do you

 

I think that this sentence sums it up. If the very thought of going back brings forth depression and thoughts of self harm, it is def not the right decision to move back FOR them at the cost of your own life and yourself to be unhappy YOU wont get ahead living for them. Live for you and never for any one else. If you end up commiting suicide over moving back in, then the grief of that would be in no comparison to living seperate. Hope it works out in your best intrest. Peace~ RxHEAD

 

I think you're completely right for wanting to live your own life.

But.....Not returning their phone calls, and just in general distancing yourself from them is probably not a good thing. It is the type of thing that years down the road you will severely regret. I'm young as well, and I moved away from home at 14. The surprising thing is that once you really gain autonomy, and prove to yourself that you can survive alone, the feelings of resentment, and anger at your parents trying to shelter you changes into something that is just kind of anoying. I hope that you can realize that you are putting your parents through incredible pain (especially after the loss of your brother, which I'm sorry about by the way). They are worried about you because they care about you. There isn't any need to shut them out.

Anyhow, my .02, I hope you at least consider it.

 

"...you are putting your parents through incredible pain"

-I must disagree. Her parents are putting themselves through incredible pain. If they were in a caring frame of mind they would give her space, and she would probably return their calls. Don't believe for a second that you are putting them through pain, marquis. If you want them to know you love them, yet also want your space, call them and tell them just that. Their response is their choice. They can choose to support you and give you space, yet still be loving, or they can choose to try to make you feel guilty, and to feel pained and concerned themselves. Let them make their choice... love them for making whatever choice they make...

 

trust me i went through the same crap with my parents,. & it took years before they began to respect my life choices, but i suggest at least once or twice to really try to explain yourself openly, (many times thats easier to write then say) they may not understand at first but at least u made the effort, & eventualy they'll get it

 

hey, it took me YEARS to reconnect with my family. it's just your time to seperate. they'll get the idea eventually, and will be okay with it.

 

I would have died at times for just one call from either of my parents...when they call, just be loving please, and can i tell you this.... i really would have died for a call from one of them, but they just dont even care, just respect their intentions and ignore the words they say....i never had any good intentions from mine,
when i was sixteen i still wanted them to call me, for no reason, or any reason, bu they never did make that phonce call. I RANG THEM.. THEY NEVR RANG ME... YOU ARE LUCKY... your e jot hertless becuase you obviouxsly dont want to be heartless to them. and they are annoying you, im just trying to let you know, that it shouldnt annoy you becuase they just care...its not like they're trying to do you damage....

 

confront them on the issues that bother you, no need to be aggressive, just clear
maybe you'll learn a little about each other