hey...i dont really like this one much myself...i like some of the lines...but not the poem as a whole...but i decided to see what some of u think...so what do u think? She sat on the roof and talked to the moon Remembering the aquamarine of the sea And the white-dressed women Sending candles to oblivion But she couldn't see them, They were only shapes in the smoke Like dreams painted Popsicle colors And she danced The music moved along her body in waves Moon-pale hair falling like water Her hips traced infinity Thousands of people pulsing under the sun They danced like heat waves on the Sahara Souls bared to the heavens Dance with me, she said And he tried But he was awkward His spell wasn't strong enough And the image of forever faded Her sapphire hatred glittered irresistibly He could see flames in her eyes And knew her lips would scorch him His fear tasted like champagne, cold and crisp And she drank it from a crystal flute Now she dances dangerously With men she will never see again And the music always brings her back To a rooftop under an untrustworthy moon And she would dance[font="] But when he left he took her soul...[/font]
A piece that absolutely drips imagery. I thought this was a very good write, but it seems that you are like me in that you are never entirely satisfied with what you write. By the way, don't worry about a title for the poem. A title will jump out of nowhere to go with the words when you least expect it. I have loads of stuff written down that I don't yet have a title for. The important part is getting the words down and the emotion/feeling behind them. The title is just that .. a title !!
