there is no title....

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by skyfire, Jul 2, 2004.

  1. skyfire

    skyfire Member

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    hey...i dont really like this one much myself...i like some of the lines...but not the poem as a whole...but i decided to see what some of u think...so what do u think?



    She sat on the roof and talked to the moon
    Remembering the aquamarine of the sea
    And the white-dressed women
    Sending candles to oblivion

    But she couldn't see them,
    They were only shapes in the smoke
    Like dreams painted Popsicle colors
    And she danced

    The music moved along her body in waves
    Moon-pale hair falling like water
    Her hips traced infinity
    Thousands of people pulsing under the sun
    They danced like heat waves on the Sahara
    Souls bared to the heavens
    Dance with me, she said

    And he tried
    But he was awkward
    His spell wasn't strong enough
    And the image of forever faded

    Her sapphire hatred glittered irresistibly
    He could see flames in her eyes
    And knew her lips would scorch him
    His fear tasted like champagne, cold and crisp
    And she drank it from a crystal flute

    Now she dances dangerously
    With men she will never see again
    And the music always brings her back
    To a rooftop under an untrustworthy moon
    And she would dance[font=&quot]
    But when he left he took her soul...[/font]
     
  2. Moonjava

    Moonjava Senior Member

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    I appreciate the abstractness of this poem. You're great at creating imagery. Good work sky!
     
  3. saffronfrancisburnet

    saffronfrancisburnet Member

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    this is beautiful
    full of movement full of passion
    dancing in life....

    love n peace from saff
     
  4. Jester

    Jester Member

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    A piece that absolutely drips imagery. I thought this was a very good write, but it seems that you are like me in that you are never entirely satisfied with what you write.

    By the way, don't worry about a title for the poem. A title will jump out of nowhere to go with the words when you least expect it. I have loads of stuff written down that I don't yet have a title for. The important part is getting the words down and the emotion/feeling behind them. The title is just that .. a title !!
     
  5. skyfire

    skyfire Member

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    thanx guys...i appreciate it...and jester...i am bad at titles...
     

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