whoa dont know why im posting this here but i obviously am anyways :)

if i was writing a paper my "thesis", for lack of a better word would be- "i have finally been granted permission to be happy". (permission from myself that is)

i went through a very very tramatic experience recently which a few on here know about but that isnt the point.... i guess in some odd way, that experience helped me to come to certain realizations..... somehow a horrible experience helped me further along the path to being able to calm down, get things done, not be afraid anymore......

after my childhood and the things that happened to me and then the horrible things that happened I DID TO MYSELF, i have spent YEARS AND YEARS being depressed and anxious...hating myself, second guessing myself, second guessing life.....JUST ALSO FUCKING THINKING AND ANXIOUS ALL THE TIME. ALWAYS WONDERING WHY I ALWAYS FUCK UP and just WOW....
it was such a deep and long and FUCKING ANNOYING cycle.....
it's just funny how something bad can happen to me and help me to realize I DONT HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THAT ANYMORE. i dont have to constantly always be putting myself through shit.... OR when other people fuck me over, constantly taking things further out on myself. i dont have to be in that fucking hell.

i dont have to punish myself and nothing needs changing because everything is just fine. i can be sad...that's okay but i dont have to constantly THINK and go through all those same things.

hehe well if you read this far, thanks. there really was no point to my posting this but there it is.

 

well that sounds like a great revelation to have..hope things come together

 

danke....

 

Good for you Interval Illusion!

If anyone pisses you off then let them die in a fire...

Life is WAY too short

 

hehe yes, i defiantly like that philosophy. a good one indeed.

 

good luck, and keep up the work.

 

been a long time,

sounds like a good thing though.

 

I can relate in so many ways. I am learning to slow down the cycle, in hopes eventually it will stop all thogether. Thanks for sharing that, I wish you the best in your happieness. Peace-RX

 

Congrats! May your happiness last as long as possible! ((hugsies))

 

It often takes pain to get to a calm point in our lives. I hope this feeling you have Trish stays with you forever.

 

aw thanks guys *blushes*

 

Glad to hear you have a better outlook on life girl... enjoy..

 

I have seen your posts here for quite awhile and on a few other forum sites that we both seem to join, but even tho I recognize your name I guess I haven't really paid to much attention to everything you write cuz I don't really have any idea what your childhood was like or any of the horrible things you've done to yourself.

But whatever you're doing to fix it....keep it up! Not that it matters, but you have my permission to be happy also.