feelin somewhat daunted

its just hit me that a week today im off on holiday with my dad....my dad...my ddddaaaaddddd. and im starting to feel really nervous and stupid and naive and eeeeeeeeeekk. starting to regret agreeing to go away with him.

on friday i will be travelling down to tunbridge wells where i will see my dad for the first time in nearly 2 years.. and 2years ago when i last spent time with him, was basically a two week stint at his house where i was sposed to be living whilst i did college only to get chucked out after a not very nice argument

before that i hadnt seen my dad since i was 15 where i went on holiday with him which went drastically wrong..

next friday i will be going on holiday to the same place that we went to when i was 15, with just my dad and apparently my 'brother' Joe who i dont know and have only seen photos of.

im startin to feel really stupid for sayin that il go, but such a massive part of me wants to go and have a great time and get on really well with my dad and come back happier than i am now...

ragssss..

any words of wisdom?

 

Good luck girl, i had a similar situation a few years ago, we didn't fall out so much as I just disappeared out of his (and my entire families) life for a number of years.

What I did, and I don't know if it would be appropriate in your case, was the moment i saw him again i just said "i know we probably should discuss whats gone on in the past, but lets not bother. We'll start again from this moment and hopefully make it better this time" - I realised that we were both different people from when we stopped talking, and any reflection on the past would have just opened up old wounds and stopped us actually being happy to be seeing each other again.

Again - good luck!

 

yerr thanks man...that is helpful..and i agree i think thats probably the best way to start thigns off...i have spoken on the phone to him a few times in this past month to discuss arrangements for the holiday and thats been pretty cool...i am worried that if we brought up past stuff then sparks would fly...i feel like ive gotten over things but i dont know if that is just coz i dont see him.
however he did ask me on the phone the other week if i was cool about going to the same place as last time..i liked the fact that he acknowledged that that wasnt a good time for me and that i may have hesistations about goin there...i thought that was quite respectful which is one description i would never have given my dad before.

im hopeful but nervous about being hopeful...
im going away knowing that if things go wrong, im gona be gutted and heartbroken..and its scary...

 

My dad dropped dead of a heart attack when he was 50. We hadn't spoke for about four years. Make the most of it while you still can.

 

oh man...thats scary...

i know what you mean..and agree...thats my motivation behind going on this holiday...i want a dad...its just a big deal for me

if things are bad over there i know im gona regret going and im worried that il feel worse when i get back

i know its worth a try though

 

One thing that might make you feel better is knowing that he is probably just as nervous about this holiday as you are. He might feel that this is the last chance he has to get to know his daughter properly, and its is a good sign that he's acknowledged the possible awkwardness of where you are going.

Think about what you are like now as a person, and compare it to what you were like when you were 15. Then have a look at all the changes in you. Its highly likely that your dad will have changed just as much in that time as well. Without knowing any details (so this might be bollocks), i'd imagine that the argument you mentioned might have turned out differently if you were in the same situation now, with you both being a bit older, wiser and actually having lived with the consequences.

He won't want to make a mess of this chance, and seeing as you don't either then things should work out good.

 

wow..thanks mate thats really encouraging...yeh i understand what you mean and yeh..i am a completely different person now...when i think back to how i was at 15 i am so embarrassed!!

do you know what the weirdest thing is tho...calling a random male stranger 'dad'..

 

Hey babe good luck.
To be honest the closest thing i can compare to your situation is my mum moving to Japan when i was 16 ive seen her a few times since but only for the odd hour or two and one holiday. And i know thats not at all the same to your situation.
Basically me and my mum dont row she just snipes at me and betters herself over it.
I respect you for doing this, its a big step and im sure as you both have grown in the 2 years that it will be a lot more of a mature meeting this time.
However if you come away thinking "but we didnt get on" please dont worry too much. Family are special because htey share your blood and thats it. If you get on as friends too thats amazing and gives it that extra layer and depth to your relationship, but if not then thats not too bad either. And remember we are all here for you too.
I was lucky enough that a year after my parents split up (i was 6) my dad met the most wonderful lady who is now my step mum, to me she is my mummy.

 

thankyou fleassy lovely lovelyness

you're right..i guess if we dont click then thats the way it is..im just aware that im building things up..looking forward to it and half expectning things to be amazing..for him to be the dad ive always wanted and i know thats dangerous...

oh well, all i can do is try!
thanks for your kind words everyone

love luchi xxx

 

*huggles*



*fills remaining character space*

 

I think you have to be honest with yourself about the whole situation; think about what it is you really want and how realistic that is.

I had a pretty good relationship with my dad, but not long after I turned 18 he disappeared. Literally. I came home one night to find an angry mum with a note in her hand. He just said goodbye, we'd be better off without him and that was it! So for 5 years nobody knew where he was (which pissed my mum off 'cos he landed her with loads of debt!) I spent that time mourning for him and was desperate for him to know that I still loved him and that I kind of understood why he left. But when he did get in touch, I went to visit him, obviously it was very emotional, I questioned him, I got very drunk in the evenings, it was all a bit weird to say the least. When I returned home all I could feel was anger, I was angry at him and angry at myself for not being angry with him earlier and wasting all that emotional energy for 5 years. That was 7 years ago and I don't think I've spoken to him for at least a year - if not 2. I ended up putting all the effort in and not getting any back, which doesn't make sense considering that he contacted me in the beginning.......

I guess I have several points. As I said before - is it realistic to expect to get what you want out of the relationship? i.e a proper dad? What does that mean to you - are you hankering after a relationship that you never had while you were growing up or is it simply something that you want for your future? Whether you want to or not, expectations do appear in these situations, and also the stuff from your past that you feel may well bubble up to the surface.

A few years have passed since you saw him last and like you've said, you've changed and matured. He's obviously still wanting a relationship with you and is aware of past problems so it sounds as if there's definately a basis for something good to happen. As others have, I would suggest making the best of the holiday - there's plenty of time afterwards to discuss issues with him and if he really is an arsehole - at least you've had a good holiday!!!

I'm sure everything'll be great. Good luck and keep us all posted!!

 

don't worry about it, i can't really advise you, i haven't seen my "dad" in years, and nor do i want to...i respect your strength and love for doing what your doing, but don't be sad if it's not what you expect, just be happy if with whatever you can and i'll see you then!!!! rah

 

thansk earth n kier...really appreciate your thoughts...he called me again last night to check thru the details and sounded so excited about seein me which put a massive grin on my face!

i guess if i think about what am i truely hopin for it would be a father figure for my future...i dont expect to have a daddy anymore..he's missed out on my childhood years but now i am a woman i really really want him to have an imput in my life..
im feelin hopeful right now coz the way i see it is, i know what he is like..to an extent (bearin in my mind he could have changed!!) and im not expecting an amazing turn around and the perfect dad to appear...i just want him to be interested in me and my life...which i guess he must be to sum extent as this holiday was all his idea

but anyway, here goes expect sum interesting posts from europe hopefully ecstatic!!

love to you all xxx

 

I don't really understand what you are going through as I haven't been through anything similar. Hence I won't try to offer advice.


Just a note to say I really hope you get what you want and need out of this holiday / meeting I hope it's great for you and your father

Much Love Clairexxxx

 

thankyou claire your such a sweetheart...it means alot to me that i have such support on these forums..thankyou thankyou

love luchi xxx

 

My dad dies of a heart attack when he was 72... I hadn't talked to him for just over two years... we'd only started talking again when he died... of course, I regret those two years...

I hope it goes well... maybe its best to go with no expectations... try not to go over the past... that can only open up old wounds... just try to be yourself and enjoy the time you spend together...

Fly...
.

 

Hey, i dont really know anyone here and im shit at advice, so i wont give any. But i havn't met my dad, he left before i was born and I just wanna say how brave i think you are for doin that, and GOOD LUCK, hope it goes well!!

 

thankyou for all your encouragemtn and words of wisdom guys...its muchly appreciated..well...this is it! im off tomorrow to my dads, and then off we go...


please keep this in your thoughts, prayers..whatever...i am nervous but excited aswell..i think its gona be a success i know i shouldnt get my hopes up but i am incredibly excited...

i will be in touch from europe hopefully..

love to you all, have a fantastic couple of weeks

love luchi xxx

 

Good luck. I'll sacrifice a goat for you! (would be a virgin, but they're impossible to find these days......)

 

ahem!!! you be replyin to a virgin mister!! well..a born again virgin that is its great gettin another chance!! wooo yah!