Fantasy Rape

For or against it? There are *a lot* of women who enjoy being "raped" during sex by a boyfriend, given the fact that its a fantasy of theirs rather then the real thing. A friend and I were discussing it a while ago, and he confided in me that it made him a little nervous, and that he didn't really want to, but it was his girlfriend's fantasy, so he did it to her a few times. But he admitted it wasn't his thing.

Seeing as this forum is about Women's Issues, do you think that there is something definetely wrong about women who want to be raped in a fantasy setting, or do you think its perfecty fine, since its a facet of roleplaying and both parties are going into it willingly?

 

I think there's a point where you can take it too far, where it's obvious it comes from a damaged place, not something that's fine, just a fantasy. I do have fantasies of rough sex/control, I wouldn't go so far as to call it a rape fantasy though. I think when you need to have it to get off, or it's one of the very few things that will turn you on anymore, you need to stop and examine your motives behind that fantasy - do you just want to be wanted that badly, or is there some hurt you're trying to hide?

 

I think the whole concept "fantasy rape" is pretty strange... If a woman wants it and is really willing, then it's not a rape. Also, I don't really understand how anyone would fantasize about such a horrible thing... Fantasizing about rough sex and being controlled is one thing, fantasizing about a man fucking you against your will is completely different, and to be honest.. it just seems weird to me. But oh well, who am I to judge.. there are lots of things I don't understand. Anyway... As long as both parties are willing and feel comfortable about it, then I guess it's just fine. That goes for everything really.

 

i like how imhurria put it: coming from a damaged place. i've had these fantasies, mainly because experience has made it something truly huge in my life, in my mind. and one of the ways i've always addressed my fears is to confront them head on. i was terrified of guns, so i bought one and learned to use it. i was terrified of heights, so i scaled a mountain. i was afraid of the ocean, so i went on a sailboat. but i don't deny the peculiar fascination of something that scares you. but i've never actually acted out one of these fantasies.

 

I always thought that rape fantacies had more to do with inhibitions than anything else. A lot of people, even in committed relationships still have inhibitions when having sex, but if you are being "forced" to do something... you can't control the pleasure.


I don't know... that's how I see it.

 

well, i guess there's a difference in the dominance fantasy as compared to the rape fantasy. it's subtle, it's a thin line. i have a girlfriend who likes me to dominate her, but it's not pretending to lose control, it's a willing giving of control to another person whom you trust. in a rape fantasy, you're truly fantasizing about being taken forcefully against your will.

 

In that sort of sense, I could say that I've had fantasies dealing with rape... Except that those fantasies involved me defending myself before he actually gets anywhere, crushing his balls (so he can't breed), then smashing his face.

Yes, I have had fantasies of somewhat rough sex, but mostly domination type stuff. But that is a far cry from rape.

The big problem I have with this topic is that rapists turn this around on women, talking about how all these women have rape fantasies, so she (the victim) must have really wanted it... So I have a hard time not emotionally reacting to this talk of rape fantasies as a betrayal of the real victims, and of women in general... Whether that's fair or not, I can't say, because it is such a strong emotional reaction.

 

yeah, abusers do liek to turn things around on their victims to blame them for their pain. they get off on the emotional agony of their victims as much as the physical. but that doesn't change what happens in someone's head. myself included. it's like i'm trying to take control of something terrifying. trying to tame it and make is less than what it is. it's hard to explain.

 

I have been raped so I agree that it's a horrible thing to want to have done to you. That being said, I also admit to having "rape fantasies". I think it has a lot to do with desire for domination, surrendering control and degradation. There also a lot of appeal for a man who just takes a woman, particularly a stranger. But, like was already mentioned, if you're acting it out, you're consenting, therfore it's not rape. It's just a fantasy, and as long as it stays a fantasy, I think no harm can come from it.

 

There is a *big* difference between having a a rape fantasy and not having one - if a rapist tries to turn anything on a girl who doesn't want to have sex and says they have rape fantasies... that's absurd.

At least for me its an obvious difference... rape fantasy, girl asks guy to do it and roleplay it. Actual rape, girl is forced into sex.

 

Ditto to that, sister!

 

What if someone has fantasies of rape? By a stranger, not the person they are with? Desires of someone to come and rape them while walking along on a street somewhere....This must be in a different category....

Namaste
Francine

 

My first reaction would be to seriously question this... Do they actually want to have someone do that? I mean, it can be a sexy thought. In fact, I won't even count the number of times I've used that scenario as erotic fantasy. But, while it's all fun to sit and daydream about it, I'd think someone who actually wants to make their rape fantasy a reality (with an stranger) probably has a few issues.

And what are the chances the rapist will be some sexy, tall, dark brooding fellow with a hot ass. It's more likely to be some drunk or junkie. Sorry, this topic tends to hit close to home for me.

 

the storyline in "happiness" about the heavy breathing phonecaller and the woman who wants to get raped comes to mind here.. even tho' its got a bit of a different twist to it.. youd have to watch the movie - i cant do it justice.

to me, a woman having a rape fantasy seems as smart as a guy daydreaming about getting brutally beaten. women are more masochistic at heart, but c'mon. realistically, you're probably going to get punched in the face a few times if your dealing with a woman-hating rapist. throw that into the scenario next time.

 

and to continue..
i would agree with WP's friend about not being into fulfilling a true rape fantasy. Dominant sex, maybe - but true rape to me.. i cant go there with someone i had feelings for. and to me, anything that isnt rape, just cant be called rape.

 

Let's see. It must have been 2 1/2 years ago now. I was camping in Florida with about 3,000 other people at a regional rainbow gathering. I'd found some lady, and it turned out that we liked each other. We were making out in a field a couple dozen yards away from a huge fire at nighttime.

Things are getting pretty heavy. Won't go into specifics. But she starts saying "no, stop." So I stop. And she's like "why did you stop?" I'm like, "what the hell are you talking about? You told me to stop!" Really weird situation.

She told me that she's into rape fantasy. Kinda freeked me out, actually. Not only did it not turn me on at all, but it made me fear for my safety. Just because she knows that I'm not really raping her, and I know that I'm not really raping her, doesn't meen that some well wishing bystander isn't going to kick the shit out of me.

Anyway, she does have some pretty serious issues. I visited her in Canada the next Summer, and we got to know each other better. And yeah. She's totaly fucked in the head. Which sucks, because she's actually a really nice person. She's just never happy. I have the feeling that a lot of people who are into S&M and rape fantasy and stuff like that are pretty damaged.

 

Desiring for someone you trust and love to just take you in any means nessecary has nothing to do with really being raped. Rape is evil playing with your partner is fun

 

Well that's different. I would never play like that with someone I just met nor someone I was dating only for a short time. I'd have to be in total love and completley trust the person so it wouldn't give weird vibes.

 

You mean roleplaying rape? Nothing wrong much there... I wouldn't do it on camera though.

 

I don't really see the appeal of getting play-raped. Rape is wrong and turning it into something very wrong and disrespectful is making it seem acceptable. Then of course there are the boundaries, how does somebody know when they are going too far?