I started dating at a very young age,perhaps without actually knowing what to expect from a relationship. I was very naive and inmature, and i often found myself in situations i shouldn't have got into. When i was 14, i met a guy who was 24. He made me feel very special at the time, but soon after we started having sex. I had already had sex with other guys by that time, so i was kind of "experienced". i actually thought that by having sex was all that a relationship was all about. looking back, i have to confess i feel really silly, because i let myself be influenced and guys took advantage of me. This guy made me feel good sexually but he was a bit of a freak, he would threaten to kill himself if i ever left him, etc and perhaps i should mention that he had two children with two different women, was married to one of them, and he desperately wanted me to get pregnant with his baby. It was a really long time ago, but when i think about all this i feel so stupid, because i let him use me. I truly think he was really fucked up in the head. anyway, soon after i went to live to another city and never heard from him again. i started dating again, but i found myself feeling really vulnerable again. I met a guy and i had sex with him straight away. he soon lost all interest and i was left feeling used again. the same thing happened more times, met a guy have sex with him, next he's gone (i started thinking that probably i was a bit of a lousy lay!) The last boyfriend i had was a bit different. He was really into me and so was i. but he was a liar and soon our relationship ended. since then i started question what i was doing with my life and why i was doing what i was doing. why was it so easy for me to jump in the sack? i finally realised that for me it was the only way to feel secure, i'm a very touchy feely person, very physical, and so far all my relationships have been like that. but why havent they worked out? because it takes more than sex to make them work! so, i have been single all this time. I've had chances to date guys but so far i'm not interested. i dont want to feel used again. i want to find someone who'll actually appreciate who i am, cos i know i could be a great girlfriend. i feel so inadequate. i'm a 22 year old woman whos never had a proper relationship...i feel so abnormal.
There is a book about exactly what you are experiencing, it's called "Elelen Minutes" and it's by Paulo Coelho. My advice would not be to stay single just try having a relationship but a celebate one. Or at least approach it as if it was celebate. That way, when you do have sex it's as an extention of the rest of it, not that the rest of it is an extention of the sex. Blessings Sebbi
Sorry to hear of your misfortunes. But I think you will come out a much more experienced person and will have many a story to tell to your youngins one day.
is there such a thing as a "normal" relationship? ..... don't think i've had one.... yer perfectly fine.....yer've got the brains to learn from yer past experiences...time rolls along and yer'll find a good 'un....you'll do fine
My advice would not be to stay single just try having a relationship but a celebate one. Or at least approach it as if it was celebate. That way, when you do have sex it's as an extention of the rest of it, not that the rest of it is an extention of the sex. I agree!
maybe you should get to know any potential partner a bit better - try and find out what they've done in their life and what they think about life in general, i suppose relationships aren't just about sex and they aren't about taking advantage of the other partner. there's no need to be a nun but then again just step back sometimes and evaluate the situation. chances are you will find someone on your wavelength in activites that you might engage in. by evaluating someone you protect yourself a bit. try and find female support and advice. be aware that when some people see a vunerable person they see that as a weakness that should be exploited, recognising these people is quite important. have a look at "body language" by allan pease and similar. just remember to go with your gut feeling about people sometimes, if you think that something is amiss then the chances are you are right and steer clear of them. anyway thats my advice ...
