I need someone's help.

My boyfriend and I have an otherwise amazing relationship for almost three years, living together for two, but this morning as I was trying to clean up the files on our computer.. I found this folder that was titled oddly with random letters... when I looked into it I not only found many, many poron pictures..
but ALSO copies of pictures I had taken of my friends changing (as a joke) that I had taken a few years ago!
He would of had to do a bit of work to get them on our computer as we do not have a scanner.. so he would of had to set them up and take a picture of them with our digital camera!!!
So I called him at work and he said he doesn't remember doing it.. It must of been a long time ago (is that an excuse??) So.. I looked into it.. he had put them on our computer this JUNE!
I tried to get him to try and come home early from work, but he said that wasn't an option.. The only thing he would say was that he doesn't remember putting them on there..
Clearly that's crap.. as I didn't make the oddly named folder.. and I didn't add the other porno.. and I have never made copies of those pictures..
So, who else could of done it.. the cat?
I'm not really sure what I should do about this..
I'm thinking I should leave him, now.
Or should I wait until he gets home from work and talk to him.. but is there really anything he can say to make this better.. at all? I can't think of anything.
I really don't want to leave him, as I do love him very, very much.. and otherwise he makes me very happy. He's a great person.
.. it just seems unforgivable that he would be wanting to see pictures of my friends without shirts that badly he would take a picture of a picture.. then save them in a hiden folder on our computer.
I don't know what to do.
Help?

 

If you love him, I wouldnt leave him over this at all...
I dont think he meant to hurt you and probably didnt think he was doing anything wrong that would explain him just putting it in his folder on the computer...
I mean this is three years here, you dont throw that away cause he was looking at pics of your friends topless, I mean, and the porn to me is no big deal..
I would just talk to him and tell him that it hurt you and so forth. But I wouldnt throw a relationship away for it ya know..
but this is just my opinion, you should do what you feel and follow your instinct...
good luck hon!

 

But.. does this mean he's attracted to my friends, or wants to sleep with them.
Because that's something I don't think I could deal with.

 

Yeah I wouldn't leave him just for this...in the long run it seems really insignificant. Talk to him about it. Don't attack him. TALK. Be mature about it, but firm, but leave him a little room to explain himself. When you talked to him, he may have felt pressured and lied because you already seemed upset...adding to it would only be worse at that point.

take a few deep breaths, calm down, and let him explain.

 

One thing I've learned in my 22 years of life is that...men don't look at women because they want to sleep with them. If a man watches a porn or looks at pictures, it's not that they want to have a relationship with that woman or have sex with that woman. It just means that they are ATTRACTED to them! You are attracted to other males, yes? I mean, aren't we all attracted to others? Just because you are ATTRACTED to them, doesn't mean you want to sleep with them!

Men are visual creatures. They like pictures of beautiful women. It's healthy.

 

No, I wouldnt assume he wants to sleep with your friends or anything, he saw boobies and that was it.
I mean, they were pictures you took, its not like he took them, ya know.
I wouldn't worry about him wanting to sleep with your friends or him doing that to you or anything..

 

I can't think of many guys (especially in their late teens/early twenties) that don't have some amount of porn. The question is whether it is anything more than just titilliation. I wouldn't rush to hang, draw and quarter him just yet especially if he truly loves you. As for his lies this morning.. well that isn't excusable but it's a hard lesson in life sometimes to learn to take responsibility for ones actions and that there are some people in life dear to us whom we should never ever lie to. And of course if he does realise these things, he may well become a better person for this experience as well as realise that he has to take your feelings into consideration for everything he does so as not to cause you pain.

No relationship is perfect or pain free because the people on them are not perfect. It is axiomatic that those we love the most are the ones we are most vulnerable to and who can cause us the most pain (but also of course the most joy). If you love each other and can work this through, you may well find a better relationship from it.

 

i agree with annie completely,
its natural & no real big deal, if it was say 200 gigs of porn, or some really freaky shit or something i'd be concerned, or if he seemed to have an obsession or addiction to porn.
the fact that he took pictures of pictures of your freinds is slightly...odd.. but i wouldnt worry too much, unless u caught him acting strangely around them or staring, or whatever
most men i would think might have a small collection of picturres they find beautiful or attractive & its not a sign of a problem..
if theres odd charges on your credit card bill for more hardcore sex sites or if theres any net dating sites in the browser history you might want to question him (although don't just assume, since some of them trick you into visiting them, or pop up unintentionaly)

try not to be too upset..just let him know how it made you feel..
good luck

 

just 1 more quick thought,
he may have lied this morn about it cause he felt very embarrassed or ashamed when u found it.. severe embarrassment can be almost like going into shock, & he may not have known what to say or how to explain it
give him a chance to explain..
also..if you both can be open & honnesst about it..you might even be surprised to fnd its something you could enjoy together (maybe not though..it all depends onyour personalities)

 

don't freak out about the porn, it's pretty normal for guys to have some


Do sit him down and ask him about the pictures of your friends though. Try to not blame and to not get angry, it isn't gonna be helping the situation. Maybe he uploaded them because one of your friends wanted some of hte pics, and he just doesn't remember.

as for the wanting them bit, well... most men want a lot of women. But he hasn't acted on it, that restraint means he really is into you, that it's -you- he wants to be with even if he occasionally uses other people visually as masturbation aids.

 

I guess you're all right on this.. even my mom said the same thing.
...it was weird talking to my Mom about it.. but I needed someone.

I guess I'll wait until he gets home from work before I do anything stupid.

I don't even know what to say about it. I mostly upset because.. it makes me feel as though he doesn't respect me at all.
That and I don't want him around my freinds anymore.

 

Pretty normal!!!

I little more than pretty normal - it is the norm, if a guy said they DIDN'T go on porn they would get some really really odd looks.

I don't know about collecting pictures but in my last relationship, once the honeymoon period finished, I was constantly finding myself attracted to my girlfriends friends - doesn't mean anything happened (well I flirted with them a little more than usual but that's normal as well), once I had gone through brief phases of fancied each of her friends one by one I still stayed together with her for another year and a bit.

Don't worry about it - laugh it off.

He's a man with all the testosterone fueled flaws that men have.

Blessings

Sebbi

 

awww what a lucky girl...

 

I can't tell whether you're being sarcastic or not. Damn digital.

Oh well, it works either way.

 

Why does the porn bother you so much? I'm not saying it should or shouldn't I'm asking you why you are bothered by it being there. Is it a trust issue now? Is it because he tried to hide it? I understand the friends thing, that would flip me out too. Just know what you are upset or angry about before talking about it, otherwise you might waste a lot of time and energy. If it wasn't causing a problem in your relationship before, then why now. As long as from this point forward he is honest about it and doesn't hide it from you and it doesn't interfere with your sex life and what you get from him as far as intimacy then I think you should try to work through this together. I can tell you from experience not to leave in the heat of the moment because you are angry. Abandonment is hard to get over and you might regret your decision after thinking and talking about it. Just take some time and calm down and decide what it is that is making you angry then talk to him about it.

 

He's betraying yr trust AND taking pics of your friends naked.

He's a creep. Dump him and get tons of alimony.

 

one other thing to concider, were they like hard core porn? or just beautiful pictures of naked people?
theres a huge difference..every once in awhile i come across pictures that are really beautiful & tasteful & i've saved afew, it doesnt mean i want these women i'd never meet, it just means i found the image pleasing to the eye
i would just ask him to be more open about it & not try hiding things from you.. but fair is fair, if he wants to look at that kinda stuff you should be able to too...but thats for the 2 off you to decide together wether or not it is ok or not to do that..but it should be the same for you both

 

Actually the pictures of my friends were kinda goofy.
They're gone now.. I'm no longer angry...but I've decided to replace them with some I just took of myself, so that mightmake him happy.. or happier
So, that's what I've been doing all day.

And it might be a pleasent suprise when he gets home!

 

I think the reason that he hid all of this from you was because he knew how you would react. Fact: People, especially guys, like porn. Deal with it. At least he doesn't have a million magazine's littering the house or have all the images pasted against your moniter. He hid it so 1) you wouldn't freak and 2) so he can access it when he wishes and 3) to avoid potential embarassment, should anyone else use the computer and see it.

Now about the picture of your friends, let's look at it rationally and objectively. You pluralized 'friend' to make it 'friends'. Is this the case? Was it a series of photographs or something similar? Or did he single out one of your friends and just use her picture(s)? If he has singled out one girl, it MIGHT be an indication of a serious threat to the relationship. If he hasn't singled anyone out, it probably means that there was no one in your group of friends to provide him with any amorous interest, save for a pair of breasts being shown.
Don't forget, guys dig multiple chick scenarios. If it is a picture or pictures of more than one woman together getting undressed, that would be enough probable cause for him to find the picture stimulating and worth keeping. These are all just opinions, and I hope I do not offend anyone (particularly men) in my generalizations.

I think you need to have a talk with him to made your concerns known and hear his responses face to face. I also think you need to consider his position in this plight. His secret has been found out, he has been confronted with it, and now you are threatening to terminate the relationship. He may have a 'cornered animal' mentality. Be RATIONAL and considerate, sympathetic and firm. Do not bully him into compliance, nor allow him to evade the topic. Make a written list of points you wish to discuss with him and keep that list by your side during the talk. This way, you have a set plan for what you want to cover (and so you don't leave something out and then later have to go re-open old wounds with him)

All in all, if you have 3 years with this man and this is your biggest complaint, I consider you lucky! Be sure that you are satisfied and are not just using this as "the excuse you've been looking for" to end it. If you truly love this man and have already devoted 3 years to the relationship, I would hope it takes something more important than some dirty pictures to end the relationship.

The best of luck to you,​

Rider On The Storm​

 

AWESOME! now THAT was thing thing to do, im very impressed with your turn about of feelings over this and the course of action you decided to take. you not feeling comfortable with him having pics of your friends so you replaced them with pics of yourself was an ingenious idea
Bravo.